My head keeps nodding.
“And, Nic,” she says, her words coming out slow and deliberate. “Since we’re on the subject, how would you feel about abstaining from relationships for at least six months?”
She smiles slyly, but, uh, surprisingly, my stomach doesn’t drop out or anything. I mean, I get it and, uh, for once, I totally agree.
I thank her a whole bunch of times before leaving the office. We make an appointment for next week—when Sue Ellen will be gone and I’ll still be here.
I have to admit I’m pretty fucking scared.
But, then again, I mean, what the fuck else is new?
I smoke another cigarette.
I dial Justin’s number.
It rings twice before he answers.
I’ve always been awkward as hell on the phone, but, uh, here goes.
“Hey, man, it’s Nic. What’s going on?”
“Nothing, man, nothing. I’m just hanging out with my dad. What’s up with you?”
“Nothing.”
My hand’s shaking some, but I don’t tell him that. What I say is, “Hey, man, I don’t think I’m gonna be going back to Charleston with Sue Ellen anymore. I mean, I think I need to stay here. So, uh, I was gonna just go stay with my mom, but I was wondering if maybe one of the apartments you manage might be open or something. I’d pay rent, of course. I just thought it’d be cool to live where you do.”
There’s a good long silence.
“Well,” he finally says, “there is this one place where I used to live. It’s a tiny little space, but it backs up to an old abandoned barbershop. I’ve been thinking about taking the wall down between them and making it into a livable space for two people. You could stay there if you want. There’s no hot water, but all we have to do is install a heater, and then the gas company can come set up an account. It needs a lot of work, for sure. The kitchen needs a new ceiling, and there’s no stove or anything. But it’d be great to have you come live here. And, I mean, of course I wouldn’t charge you anything. Would you be down with that?”
“Are you kidding?” I tell him, smiling all over the place. “That would be awesome. I’d love to work on fixing the place up with you. That’d be such a cool project.”
“Yeah, it’d be pretty ironic, right? Fixing up that broke-down place while we’re fixing up our broke-ass lives.”
We both laugh together.
“When can I come by?” I ask.
He tells me to come as soon as I can.
“All right, then,” I say, my voice coming out light and excited. “I’m gonna go get Tallulah and my stuff, and then I’ll drive out. It’s gonna be World War Seven when I try to leave, but, uh, I’ll figure it out.”
He laughs again. “Oh, shit, you mean Sue Ellen doesn’t know? Man, I’m sorry, that’s gonna be so hard. How ’bout this, then: As soon as you get out here, I’ll buy you a milk shake at the most awesome ice cream place.”
I smile big at that. “Thanks, man. That’d be perfect. And, look, Justin, I really appreciate this. You’re a really great friend to me. I mean, I really love you.”
“I love you, too, man,” he says. “And don’t worry about it. I’m happy to have you here. So, uh, just call me when you’re heading over, okay?”
I tell him I will.
We both hang up.
The cigarette’s burned down close to my hand, and I can feel the heat of it smoldering.
I walk back to the car, humming that same Velvet Underground song.
Because it’s true now—I am.
Beginning to see the light.
All I have to do is take Tallulah and go.
Ch.37
The wall came down today.
With a plaster cutter and a couple of sledgehammers, we broke through the dividing wall from the little one-room apartment to the abandoned barbershop in front. Of course, it’s not an ideal space. The only windows in the front shop are boarded up and broken, and it doesn’t really make a whole lotta sense fixing ’em up, ’cause the street we live on is kinda dodgy and it seems wise not to advertise our presence too much. Hell, the day I was moving my stuff in, these teenage kids got into a gun battle about ten feet in front of us. It was a miracle no one got shot.
Not only that, but twice a week some Christian organization hands out food in front of the building, so there’s a line that wraps around the block from, like, ten to three, and we wouldn’t be able to really use that entrance anyway.
Still, it’s actually kind of a great neighborhood. The Hispanic bakery on the corner is ridiculously cheap, and all the people who live right around us are super nice. Plus, it takes me, like, five minutes to drive to Griffith Park, so Tallulah and I have been going on hikes there every morning, exploring all the different trails, me watching while Tallulah harasses tourists at the observatory. We go on hikes in the morning, and then I come back and take a cold shower (since there’s still no hot water). I feed Tallulah and I feed myself, and then I write for a while until Justin comes over. We work on the apartment for most of the day, taking a break to go drink coffee at this super-great café in Silver Lake. At night we go to outpatient or to dinner or we go see a movie or watch a movie on the old TV we got for the apartment. Sometimes we fall asleep during the day and nap for a couple hours. Sometimes we drive out to Malibu to take Tallulah to the
