Erin’s nephews were still small. Did her sister bathe them like their mother had? Did she have to clean up buckets of water they splashed out onto the tile? Did she use Mom’s method of griping at them in another language so as to not hurt their young feelings? Erin wanted to know these things. She barely knew her nephews. That wasn’t right. Her family was living a life she knew nothing of, all while she was here. Denying her heart what it needed.
When this was over, she was going to spend some time in Miami. There was no way she could live that close to Mom. Erin didn’t have her sister’s patience. Erin didn’t know what she’d do, or where she’d live after this chapter closed, but she wanted to be closer to the people she loved. At least until they drove her stark, raving mad. By then she hoped to have a plan. Something better.
Funny, she’d thought the decision to leave her job would give her more pause. That she’d miss it. So far, the only thing she was sad about was losing the summer camps. Weeks of connecting with kids, teaching them, learning their stories. That was what she’d miss.
Could she go back for that? Maybe take a bigger role?
Erin turned the tap off before she sloshed suds on the floor and settled in to think.
The camp organizers didn’t have a lot of money. She’d have to finance the trips back herself. Without her NexGen job she didn’t know how she’d make it happen.
A rapid, faint beep brought her attention to the present.
Erin sat up and frowned.
What the hell was that?
The door to her room opened, and a shadow stretched across the carpet. A figure stepped into view carrying two trays.
Room service.
Shit.
Riley glanced into the bathroom, his face lined with worry.
Melody had mentioned that, and Erin hadn’t entirely been listening.
“Just put it on the bed, please?” she eased back into the water, sinking up to her neck.
“You couldn’t even wait ten minutes?” Riley walked sideways into the bathroom.
He had two trays.
For two people? Or did he think she was that hungry?
Riley set both trays on the expansive vanity and turned toward her. His face was lined with something she might call worry, though what he was concerned about she didn’t know. There was something about the slope of his shoulders that didn’t speak to the need for urgency. Whatever bothered him, it wasn’t an immediate danger.
He tugged at his shirt then wiped his palms on his pants before finally meeting her gaze.
“I wanted to apologize. About earlier.” Those had to be bitter words from the way his mouth screwed up.
Her heart climbed into her throat. He wanted to take it all back? Or just part of it?
She swallowed and folded her hands over her stomach.
Hope was dangerous.
“You already apologized. If there’s something else, you’re going to have to be a little more specific.” She couldn’t let her heart run off, drunk on ideas of them together.
Riley blew out a breath and sat on the edge of the tub facing her. The bubbles hid her from the chin down, and yet, she’d let him in. She’d laid herself bare, and he’d let fear push them apart. That wasn’t someone she could be with.
“You couldn’t just say okay and forget about it?” One side of his mouth screwed up, and he closed one eye.
“No.” She couldn’t tell if the heat crawling up her neck was from the hot water or the sheer embarrassment eating away at her. She’d known better than to hold onto Riley, but she’d been weak. She’d never stood a chance against those lashes or the way he made her laugh.
“What happened... No one could have expected this morning. I can beat myself up all I want, but they had one up on us. Probably because of Thomas. If we’d listened to you, if we’d have given him the boot faster, maybe none of this would have happened.” Riley lifted his shoulders and dropped his gaze to the ground. “All I know is, today could have gone a lot different, and if I’d have lost you I’m not sure I could have forgiven myself for that.”
Riley wasn’t speaking as a soldier or her body guard. This wasn’t the job talking. It was him. All the fucked up stuff they’d seen, the people they’d lost, it changed them. She knew what it was like to hit the wall where she just couldn’t see another friend dead.
Erin reached out and covered his hand gripping the edge of the tub. She’d already forgiven him. He might still be the wrong man for her, but they’d survived this together.
He glanced at her hand on his, then her face.
“We’re good,” she said. “You have to figure out how to forgive yourself. For this. For Jimmy. You can’t keep blaming yourself.”
“If I’m not responsible, who is?” Riley turned his hand and squeezed her hand back.
“Sometimes it’s no one’s fault. If you’d been looking behind you, do you think you’d have seen the guy who shot Jimmy?”
“There wasn’t anything there...” He stared at the tile, but she knew it wasn’t this room he was seeing.
“Take it from me. You have to figure out how to forgive yourself.” She’d made her share of screw ups to know the truth.
“I’ll get there.” He smiled weakly at her. “Hungry?”
“Yeah.”
“Would you mind some company?”
That was a dangerous question right now.
She couldn’t say no to Riley.
“This stuff smells good. Want to eat here?”
“I might try to live in a tub like this.” She sighed. Not only was the tub deep enough she could sink down to her neck, it was long enough she didn’t have to stick her feet out or poke her knees above the water. Besides, the tub put
