Riley merely chuckled and grabbed one of the trays. He liked to cover up pain with laughter.
Erin bit her lip watching him set the tray across the tub, but there were several inches of clearance on either side for it to perch safely. Riley lifted the cover off the meal and she got a face full of steam and delicious aroma. There was a salad, grilled chicken breast in some sort of cream sauce with vegetables, mashed potatoes, flakey bread, and a slice of chocolate cake.
“Oh, my God. I didn’t realize I was starving.” She sat up a bit and tried to figure out what to eat first.
“When was the last time you ate? That granola bar at the airport? Because you never touched the pizza Mel got you. The guys tore through that. There was no stopping them.” Riley took the other tray to the floor and settled in with his back to the vanity and his meal perched on his thighs.
“I think so.” She dug her fork into the cake, just for a quick taste. It practically melted on her tongue. “That’s it. I’m going to live here.”
Riley chuckled at her and tucked into his food.
“You know, you could get a chair or something?” She stabbed her salad and wolfed it down without touching the dressing.
“I’ll call this my penance for being a dick earlier.” He flashed her a grin.
“Suit yourself.” She chuckled and tucked into her food.
All was forgiven. Amends made. Which meant the future was once again uncertain. She refused to let herself think too hard about what it all meant for her. Them. Next week. For now, she just wanted to enjoy being together.
For a while neither of them said anything. The only sound was of their cutlery on plates. It was nice sharing these quiet moments with Riley.
“Any more thoughts about NexGen?” Riley asked after a while.
“If I tell you the truth would you turn me in?”
“Depends... Who’s getting hurt?”
“No one.”
“Then there’s nothing for me to talk about.”
“I think I’m going to quit.” She pushed her food around her plate.
“That—that’s an awfully big leap.”
“I’m pretty sure they’re going to fire me as part of a cover up, but I don’t know if I want to give them that. Even for a severance package.”
“You don’t come to big decisions like this, this quick, unless it’s been in the back of your head.” He used a finger to scratch his hairline.
Was this the direction she’d been headed?
Erin took another bite and stared at the bubbles.
She’d been distracted lately. She couldn’t deny that she’d taken less work home with her than usual by choice. But was it because she’d been unhappy?
“When I got out of the Army, I just wanted to be left alone. I think I went too far.” She glanced at Riley. “I need my family. I need...people.”
“What do you think you’ll do?” he asked.
“No fucking clue. I mean, who has backup plans these days?” That was a problem for later. She had enough saved up she could take a few weeks once she turned in her notice and seriously consider the next steps. There was always freelance work, and she’d worked with the Department of Defense enough as a contractor that she had options.
“I do.” Riley folded his hands in his lap.
“Oh? Care to share?”
“I’ve got a ten-year plan,” he said in a whisper, as though he were inviting her to conspire with him. “The money on Lepta Team is good. We don’t see as much risk as the other teams.”
“What other teams?”
“There’s Alpha, Troy and Omega.” He ticked each one off on a finger. “Alpha gets into some crazy shit, but they’ve got nothing on Troy or Omega.”
“What makes them different?”
“Well, anyone with money can hire Alpha. They usually do a lot of tourist rescues. Dumb kids getting themselves into trouble. Lepta, companies like NexGen hire us. Troy was recently contracted directly for DoD use. And Omega, well, they do the kind of shit you don’t expect a guy to come back from.”
“You sure you’ll survive ten years?” From the sound of it, Riley’s job was a lot more dangerous than what he let on. Still, his eyes seemed to light up at the idea of his plan.
“I’m not staying on Lepta for ten years. I give it three to five more. Our boss in Seattle is expanding the business and in three years he wants to start consulting. I figure that’s what my goal is. When that starts, I jump on it. They’ll promote from inside, so I’ll have a good chance of getting in on the ground floor. Put in five years or so doing that and I should have enough connections that by the time I’m forty-five I could get a job as head of security somewhere, working behind a desk if that’s what I want to do. Or stay on as a consultant. Either way, it gets me behind a desk, doing something I’m good at.”
“Wow. I’m impressed.”
“I’ll take that as a compliment.”
“You should. You’ve got your shit more figured out than I do.” She set her fork on the tray and lay back in the water, staring at the ceiling.
She didn’t know what she wanted. Except Riley. But she couldn’t have him. Not in the way her heart wanted, and she couldn’t settle. If she was leaving her job, she had to leave these ideas that she could be happy with less than she deserved. The truth she’d tried her best to smother was that she needed to love and be loved. She needed her family. That support structure. A partner would be great, but she couldn’t control when that happened. Only how she chose to live.
Riley pushed to his feet and stretched. He seemed to be slowing down. They were all tired.
“How’s your neck?” she asked.
“It’ll be fine. Want me to take that?” He pointed at her now empty tray.
“Yes, please.”
Her bubbles were beginning to disappear, and the water
