‘Confused,’ I answered honestly, and Megan gave a sympathetic smile.
‘You’ll feel all sorts of things but whatever you do, don’t blame yourself!’
I appreciated her clichéd advice, but she didn’t understand that I might have actually been to blame. The whole thing was complicated. They were under a lot of pressure, working closely together and sometimes in those situations, people don’t make rational decisions.
‘What have you done to your arm?’ she asked, taking me by surprise.
I looked down at a deep bloody scratch near my elbow. ‘Oh, I must have done that when I climbed out of the bedroom window,’ I said, shrugging it off.
Her eyes bulged. ‘You escaped out of the bedroom window?’
‘It was your idea!’
‘I said sneak out! I thought you’d tiptoe downstairs and slip through the front door. Not climb down the drainpipe like a naughty teenager.’
‘In hindsight that would have been easier. However, I didn’t climb down a drainpipe – I crawled around the orangery roof and hopped down onto the patio table.’
‘Oh how very middle class,’ she quipped.
‘I had to duck to avoid James seeing me – it could’ve happened then.’ I rubbed absently at it.
‘And did it work?’
‘No. He was less than impressed when he saw me clinging to the roof like a burglar, and who could blame him?’
Megan put a hand on my arm. ‘Listen, you don’t have anything to worry about, especially not him. He’s the only person who should be embarrassed.’
I appreciated what she was saying but somehow, James was still managing to come out of it all with much more dignity than I. Why was I the one left feeling embarrassed?
My tea was still hot enough to scorch the back of my throat when I sipped it. It almost felt good to burn away the lump that had been sitting there since I’d spotted James and Samantha together. ‘I need to talk to him, really, don’t I?’ I said, defeated. ‘Oh God, then there’s Sam to worry about!’
‘Do you think Samantha will have confessed to him?’
‘I don’t know. Obviously, she’s aware I know Sam, so if she’s half a brain cell then she should come clean.’
Just then, Megan’s phone shrilled. ‘It’s Sam,’ she whispered, clutching the phone to her chest like he could hear her. I nodded towards it, indicating she should go ahead and answer. ‘Hello?’ she answered warily, her eyes fixed on mine. ‘Yes, of course – I’ll see you soon.’ She hung up. ‘He just asked if he could come over now – I think he knows.’
I wasn’t sure if hearing Sam’s tale of woe would take my mind off my own misery or make things worse since his misery was also my misery but I had to stay to support him, and Megan. ‘Have you got anything stronger than tea?’ I asked.
Twenty minutes later, there was a knock at the door. Megan went to answer it and I heard quiet, muffled voices before she led Sam into the lounge and told him to sit down. He got the same treatment I’d been given just an hour earlier. He did as she asked, and it was a moment before he raised his head to look at me. His eyes were puffy and red-rimmed. The look on his face was so ghostly that he was almost unrecognisable. I hoped I didn’t look that bad – though I might have in the car.
I took a deep breath. ‘I take it Samantha has filled you in?’ I tried to keep my voice even but I was unsure why. I knew I was allowed to be angry or sad or bitter; I just didn’t want to be. Sam rubbed his chin with his hands, clenching his jaw shut before finding the strength to nod.
‘I’m sorry,’ I said. ‘I know you saw it coming but it doesn’t make finding out any easier I imagine.’
‘With James too. Of all people.’ He shook his head. After a moment had passed, he said quietly, ‘It must be hard on you. You didn’t see it coming.’ I was surprised, as I couldn’t imagine thinking of others was coming easily to him.
‘It was certainly a shock.’
Megan burst back in with more tea and a packet of dark chocolate digestives. ‘Well, we’re a right trio of misery. Les Misérables! I almost miss Kate. Here, drink some tea.’ Megan was obviously offering the Sam the same ‘feel better’ package I’d had. He sipped the tea and I noticed he too choked back the first sip.
‘We’ll get through this,’ Megan said, patting him on the leg before looking towards me. ‘We all will. What did Samantha have to say for herself?’
Sam took another sip of tea before replying, presumably trying to clear that pesky lump again. ‘She told me to sit down because she had something to tell me. I knew what was coming.’ He paused to look down into his cup. ‘She went on to say she and James were working together on a case that was quite intense and the hours were long so they’d often grab lunch together and sometimes a drink after to wind down and . . .’ His voice started to tremble.
‘It’s okay, I think we get the idea,’ I said to excuse him.
One thing I hadn’t considered was the length of time the affair had been going on for. Because I hadn’t suspected anything, I’d assumed it was a new thing. I gulped. ‘Did she say how long? I haven’t actually spoken to James yet. I sort of stormed off—’
‘Sort of?’ Megan interrupted.
Sam looked confused but carried on anyway. ‘A couple of months.’
My stomach lurched. A couple of months? My mind raced back over the past few months – to the kisses, the cuddles and oh my God. The underwear. All that time he’d been carrying on with her. I felt sick again.
‘Are you okay, Charlotte?’ Megan asked. ‘You’re as white as a sheet.’
‘I’ll be fine, but I think I need
