Maggie twisted in her seat to face Carmen. “Look, don’t take this the wrong way, okay?”
Carmen’s shoulders tensed. “Say whatever you need to, please. I’ll take all the advice or thoughts I can get.”
“Okay. Well, if your attraction is purely physical and you just want a quick roll in the hay to see what it’s like, then you need to make that crystal clear to her. And if she’s up for it, she’ll—”
“No!” Carmen said the word so loudly Gizmo leaped up from his slumber and stood in full alert mode, looking out for danger. She reached over to him and rubbed his head. “Sorry, little guy. Didn’t mean to startle you.”
The dog huffed, snuffled at her fingers, then lay down.
When Carmen turned back to Maggie, there was a wry grin on her friend’s face. “Okay, so it’s emphatically more than a one-night-stand thing, yes?” Maggie asked.
Carmen’s face warmed, and she nodded. “If I tell you sex is the last thing on my mind, I don’t mean that to sound like I’m not physically attracted to her. Because I am.” Her face burned hotter. “But right now it’s more about just wanting to be with her. I mean, spend time with her. Not anything else. Not yet.” Her cheeks were burning now.
Maggie patted her hand. “I knew what you meant.”
Carmen exhaled, trying to calm her swirling thoughts. “I can’t get her out of my head. How interesting she is. How when I’m with her, I feel so relaxed and happy. I know I could talk about anything with her and she’d never judge, even if she disagreed. I know that she’s interested in my life and who I am as a person, not my status or what I can do for her career.”
Maggie smiled. “Then you got it bad.”
“I think I have,” Carmen whispered. She placed her hands on her warm cheeks. “It’s all a little overwhelming.”
Maggie sat quietly beside her, simply giving her time.
“Thank you. For listening and for advising and…” Carmen’s throat closed up, and no more words would come.
“You’re welcome. Hey, come here.” Maggie held out her arms.
Carmen slipped into the hug.
Maggie held her close, rocking her gently.
Carmen didn’t cry, even though she thought tears were close, but simply allowed herself to be comforted.
“It’s a big thing, this discovery,” Maggie said into her hair, “and there’s no rush to do anything about it, okay?”
Carmen nodded and pulled away slightly so that she could look at Maggie. “I know. I’ve managed to work myself into a bit of a state the last few days. First, to accept that’s how I feel about her, and second, to wonder what to do about it all. The number of times I’ve just sat at my desk and stared off into space is embarrassing. God knows what Monica and Beverley must think.”
“Oh yeah, tell me about it. My God, the first time I realised I was attracted to women, I thought I must be wearing some enormous neon sign that announced it to the whole world every time I left the house. It feels like it’s so big it can’t possibly be kept inside.”
“It really does.” Carmen sat back and shook out her arms and shoulders. “God, I don’t think I realised how much tension I’ve been carrying around since I blurted it out to Felicity on Thursday.”
“How did she take it?”
“Oh, she was fine, of course. Well, once we got past the awkward moment of her thinking she was the object of my affections.”
Maggie guffawed. “Oh my God, I would have paid good money to see that unfold.”
“It was pretty priceless, yes.” Carmen chuckled. “Thankfully, she wasn’t offended when she discovered she was out of the picture.”
Maggie grinned.
“Then bumping into Ash again on Friday had me all twitchy. I couldn’t relax around her, just knowing I knew this big thing about myself now. I dread to think what she thought of me.” Carmen cringed.
“I doubt she noticed. You’re hyperaware of everything to do with her because it’s all so new to you and seems so enormous.”
“I suppose so.” Carmen licked her lips. “She, um, messaged me later that day. To ask how I was. I’m ashamed to say I haven’t replied yet.”
“But why not?”
“I honestly didn’t know what to say. I could hardly tell her the truth, and answering with a bland ‘I’m fine’ seemed ridiculous given the circumstances.”
“I kind of understand, but leaving her hanging like that…”
“I know.” Carmen sighed, then squared her shoulders. “Should I tell her how I feel about her?” It was the paramount question in her mind and had been all weekend.
“Do you have any inkling at all if she’s attracted to you?”
“Not really, no. She’s done a sketch of me, Felicity said. But I’d guess she sketches a lot of people.” Carmen rubbed at her chin as she thought back on all of her interactions with Ash. “There has been a couple of…looks, I suppose you’d call them, and they did make me wonder, but…” She huffed out a breath. “I feel like my usual gift for spotting if someone is interested in me has gone all wonky now I’m using it in a situation with a woman, not a man.”
“I understand.” Maggie tapped her chin with one fingertip. “For starters I guess all you can do is keep seeing her, keep checking in with your feelings. And see if you pick up any hint of the attraction being reciprocated.”
“She did tell me she only wanted to be friends.” Carmen tried not to let her sadness about that colour her tone.
Maggie’s eyebrows rose. “She did? In what context?”
Carmen told her about the awkward conversation at Alma’s.
“Hmm. Strange.” Maggie’s gaze drifted. “I suppose she may have said that because she is attracted to you but didn’t want her attraction to get in the way of what she thought was only ever going to be friendship. Because she assumes you’re straight and therefore nothing else is possible. Sort of nipping it
