Carmen’s mood fell. “Maybe I shouldn’t bother. If nothing else, I don’t want her thinking I’m only doing what Felicity did. Maybe it would be easier if I just walked away now.”
“Don’t be daft.” Maggie poked her in the arm. “Come on. It’s just an unknown quantity right now. There’s no harm in seeing her a few more times and figuring some things out.”
Carmen’s heart thudded. “It’s all a bit scary.”
Maggie’s smile was sympathetic. “I know. It is scary. But sometimes it’s the scary things in life that get us what we want.”
Chapter 16
“Oh, I’m so glad you talked to Maggie last night!” Felicity’s voice was filled with excitement.
Carmen wedged the phone under her chin and began tidying her desk. For once she was leaving work at a reasonable time and didn’t want anything getting in the way of her escape. “I know. She really put my mind at ease. Not that you didn’t, but—”
“I understand; don’t worry. So,” Felicity continued, “what happens next?”
Carmen’s stomach completed a full roll. “Well, as soon as I get home, I am going to pluck up the courage to call her again. Ash, I mean.”
“Hurrah! This is so exciting.”
“Why do I get the feeling you’re living vicariously through me at the moment?”
“Because I am. God knows there’s no one with any potential on my horizon.” Felicity laughed. “So, sorry, darling, but you’re going to have to keep me entertained.”
They’d known each other long enough for Carmen to know that Felicity was only teasing. “All right, I’ll see what I can do.” Carmen rolled her eyes. “Right, I’m going now. If I don’t just get home and do this, I probably never will.”
“Good for you. Let me know how it goes, okay?”
“I will.” She finished packing up her desk and locked up the office behind her. Her heart raced all the way home, and a multitude of what-ifs spun round her mind. What if she’s just not interested in me? What if she doesn’t answer? What if she’s got herself a girlfriend in the last week or so?
By the time she reached her street, she was practically hyperventilating and willed herself to take a few deep breaths.
For God’s sake, you’re forty-three years old! You sound like a bloody teenager. Get a grip.
Earlier in the day, when Monica had been out to lunch, Carmen had read the articles Maggie had sent her. It had been comforting to read about other women her age who had been through the same extraordinary realisation. And interesting that it was usually triggered by meeting someone amazing. Sometimes the feelings weren’t reciprocated, and the women had to deal with rejection while still working their way through understanding their new identity. For others, the object of their attraction became their long-time partner.
Would that happen to us? If I ever found the courage to act on this, would Ash be interested?
Carmen opened her front door, her breathing still laboured. This was worse than ending things with Gerald. God, was that only a month ago? She walked through the house to her office and deposited her laptop, then took a deep breath.
Yes, ending things with Gerald was only a month ago. So although her newly admitted attraction for Ash was strong, it had developed quickly and therefore needed to be treated with a little caution. This could just be some rebound thing. Maggie was right—I need to see Ash a few more times and test what I’m feeling. There is no need to rush anything.
With her breathing and pulse closer to normal levels, she took the time to change out of her office clothes and into some loose cotton shorts and a sleeveless T-shirt. It was a warm evening so she threw open the doors that led from the living room to the garden. With a glass of iced water in one hand and her phone in the other, she stepped out onto the small terrace and sat at the wrought-iron table.
After taking one last deep breath, she dialled Ash’s number.
Ash closed the door to the studio and flipped the sign to closed . It wasn’t quite eight in the evening, her official closing time, but she was done. It had been a long day—seven appointments, two of which had been nearly two hours each.
Her phone trilled from where she’d left it at the front desk, but by the time she got there, the caller had rung off. When she picked up the phone and saw who the missed call was from, her heart pounded.
Carmen.
Given the silence from her in the last week or so, Ash had pretty much given up on hearing from her again. She still didn’t know why Carmen hadn’t replied to her text message, but she wasn’t going to push. If Carmen didn’t feel the need to respond, that was her right, no matter how much it hurt. Ash flopped down in the chair behind the desk.
A moment later, her phone beeped with the notification of a voicemail.
Do I really want to listen to that? Now’s my chance to back away from whatever this is and save the risk of feeling more for her than I should. Before she could out-think herself, she listened to the message Carmen had left.
“Hi, Ash, it’s Carmen. I hope you’re well. I’m sorry I haven’t been in touch for a while. I did get your message, but life, um, got in the way. So, I-I was wondering if you’d like to meet for coffee again one morning. Or catch up for a drink after work sometime. Whatever, you know, works best for you. Bye.”
Carmen’s voice trembled for the duration of the message. Why would that be? Ash’s urge to talk to Carmen, to comfort her and find out what was troubling her, warred
