“Look, I’m sorry, but I really have to go.” Ash’s mouth turned down, and she shook her head. “I’d love to sit here longer and hear more about what the next few weeks will bring for you, but I’ve got so much to get through before Friday.”
God, I can’t launch into it now, can I? Bugger. “Oh, okay. I understand.” Carmen gathered up her handbag and stood, grateful her shaky legs didn’t give way. She inhaled deeply. When she gets back from her trip. I’ll tell her then.
“I’ll walk you to the corner.” Ash gestured up the road.
They fell easily into step, and despite Ash’s genuine need to get back to the studio, she kept her pace slow. She’d meant what she’d said—she didn’t want to walk away. Not yet. Something was troubling Carmen; that much was obvious. And irrespective of that, once again Ash found herself just wanting to talk to Carmen, to listen to whatever she had to say about whatever subject they happened upon. I’m going to miss her while I’m away . The thought was bittersweet.
“Will you let me know you got there okay?” Carmen asked quietly. Her cheeks, once again, sported a deep shade of pink.
The request warmed Ash in a way that nevertheless made alarm bells ring in every corner of her brain. “Of course, if you like.”
“And maybe let me know if you see anything amazing?”
“Like, maybe, some giraffes?” She remembered Carmen saying they were her favourite African animals.
Carmen grinned. “Exactly.”
“I’m sure I can do that too.”
They reached the corner where they would part ways.
“So, here we are.” Ash groaned inwardly at the inanity of what she’d said, as if Carmen wouldn’t know exactly where they were.
“Yes.” Carmen inhaled deeply, then, to Ash’s surprise, held out her arms.
Ash moved on autopilot, before her brain could kick in and warn her why accepting a parting hug from Carmen would be a very bad idea.
Too late. Carmen wrapped her arms around Ash’s shoulders, and her body pressed close. Not inappropriately close, only as far as a hug between friends would go when they wouldn’t see each other for a few weeks. But still, every nerve ending in Ash’s body leaped to attention and demanded that she step closer, just a little closer, and—
Carmen let out a moan as Ash’s arms tightened around her.
Shivers spiralled down Ash’s spine, and she closed her eyes as Carmen pressed her cheek to hers. There was warmth everywhere and softness and curves, and Ash knew this was dangerous. Oh so dangerous. She began to pull back, but Carmen’s grip tightened.
“Ash.” Carmen’s voice was a whisper against Ash’s cheek. “I…I think I need to tell you something.”
Ash tried to pull away once more, but Carmen wouldn’t let her.
Instead, she turned her face upwards to meet Ash’s gaze. “I’m…” She wet her lips. “I’m very attracted to you.” Her voice was husky, her cheeks flushed.
Ash’s heart thumped, missed a beat or two, as elation at Carmen’s words soared through her. Then her fear took hold and shattered that elation. Memories of the heartbreak with Vikki roared into her mind with a vengeance.
“Ash?” Carmen was shaking.
Or is that me?
“I…” Ash hesitated. What the hell do I say?
Carmen gazed up at her. “Is there…? Do you feel the same way?” She visibly swallowed. “Ash? Say something. Please?”
Ash held up a hand. “Wait. Please, just…wait.” Her mind whirled. Carmen’s proximity, the feel of her in Ash’s arms, was overwhelming. And terrifying. This is too much. I can’t do this again. Especially with Carmen, who already gets me in ways Vikki never did and therefore has the potential to cause me even more heartache. Some risks just weren’t worth taking. Her heart raced, and her palms were damp. She knew what she had to do.
It took more emotional effort than Ash would have imagined, but she lifted her arms away from Carmen’s body and eased gently out of her hold. She made sure to meet Carmen’s gaze when she spoke and chose her words carefully. “Thank you for telling me. I know that must have been hard for you. And I don’t want to negate anything you just said or how you think you feel, but I just want to be friends. That’s all.” Yes, keep saying it, and maybe one day you’ll believe it yourself, said a small voice in the back of her mind.
Carmen seemed to shrink in on herself and backed away so rapidly she nearly slipped off the kerb. “Oh. Right. Of course.” She passed a hand over the front of her face. “Um, okay. I’d better get going and—”
“Carmen, I’m sorry.” Ash stepped forward and reached out to help Carmen keep her balance.
“No, it’s all right.” Carmen’s gaze darted everywhere but on Ash. “I…I never should have said anything. I’m so sorry.”
Ash made to move even closer, but Carmen held out both hands, as if to put up some kind of force field in front of her.
“No, please. It’s okay.” Carmen paused and looked skywards for a moment. “I suppose it’s a good thing that you’ll be away now. Give me time to get over the embarrassment.” Her voice was so quiet on those last few words, Ash strained to hear her.
Ash ached to pull Carmen back into her arms, to somehow make this all okay. Like tell her how she really felt, but her fear and panic were too strong. “Please don’t be embarrassed. And honestly, I meant
