“Friends.” Carmen’s voice was low and a little wobbly. She shifted her handbag higher up her shoulder and took two big steps back. “Listen, you have a great time away, and, um, I’ll perhaps give you a call sometime when you’re back.”
Despite her resolve, despite knowing she was definitely doing the right thing, the safe thing, Ash’s heart sank. There was hurt written all over Carmen’s face and deep sadness in her eyes. The idea that this might be the last time they saw each other sat heavily on Ash’s soul.
Carmen, her eyes wet, threw Ash one last weak smile before she turned and walked away.
Chapter 25
At a little after nine on Tuesday evening, Carmen’s doorbell rang, startling her so hard she dropped the spoonful of tea she’d been preparing to put in the teapot. Tea leaves scattered all over the counter and floor. She was already feeling beyond low, and the sight of the mess brought tears to her eyes.
The doorbell rang again. She walked to the front door and peered through the security peephole.
Felicity’s face appeared in the lens.
Carmen scowled. I might have known . Sighing, she opened the door.
Felicity looked her up and down. “You’re okay, then?” Her voice held a hint of steel, and shame hit Carmen instantly.
“I’m sorry.” She stepped back and ushered Felicity into the house.
“There had better be a bloody good explanation for ignoring me for days and putting me on the verge of calling all the hospitals within a ten-mile radius to see if you’d been in a bloody accident!”
Carmen rubbed a hand across her forehead. “Come in. I’ll pour you a gin and tell you everything.”
Felicity’s intense gaze softened. “Sweetheart, what’s happened?”
“Come on.” Carmen walked back to the kitchen and headed to the end of the counter, where she kept her alcohol.
To her credit, Felicity kept quiet as Carmen mixed their drinks. She took a seat at the breakfast bar and murmured her thanks when Carmen handed her drink over.
Carmen took a couple of fortifying sips of her own gin and tonic, then leaned against the breakfast bar opposite Felicity. “Last week I met up with Ash for one last coffee before she went away. I’m still not entirely sure how it happened, what triggered me to do it, but I ended up telling her how I feel about her.”
Felicity’s mouth opened, yet no sound appeared.
Carmen’s smile was wry. “Yes, exactly. And, of course, she doesn’t feel the same way and just wants us to remain friends, so I’m all shades of mortified now.”
“And that’s why you’ve been hiding from me since then?”
Carmen nodded. “I didn’t want to talk about it.”
“I suppose you’ve been working all this time too?”
“Of course. It’s my go-to when everything else turns to crap.”
“That explains the huge bags under your eyes. Oh, I am so sorry this happened.” Felicity patted Carmen’s free hand. “But you don’t need to be embarrassed. Surely, she was nice about it, wasn’t she? I can’t imagine her being anything else.”
“Oh yes, she was. Perfectly lovely.” She sipped her drink. “And I know on one level that I don’t have anything to be embarrassed about. People do this all the time, don’t they?” At Felicity’s nod she continued. “But it’s more than the embarrassment. I…I honestly don’t know what to do. I miss her. And I’m quite sure she doesn’t miss me the same way, and that hurts. More than I care to admit, actually.”
“I don’t mean to sound trite, but it will pass. It always does. I mean, yes, the way you spoke about Ash, it was obvious you felt quite a bit for her. More than you’ve had for anyone since Lewis, it seems, but it’s not like you were actually involved, was it?”
“I know, I know. And yes, missing her is a complete waste of my energy, given she doesn’t want me.”
Felicity frowned. “Is that actually what she said?”
“Huh?”
“Did she actually say she didn’t want you? Didn’t share the same feelings?” Felicity’s gaze was back to intense, and it was a tad intimidating.
Carmen cast her mind back to that awful couple of minutes in the sun the previous Wednesday. “Well, no, not in so many words. I told her that I was attracted to her, and she said she just wanted us to be friends.”
“Ah-ha!” Felicity’s eyes gleamed with triumph.
Carmen stared at her. “What?”
“Darling, do you remember I found that sketch of you she’d done, when I, um, paid her that visit?”
“Yes.” Carmen drew the word out. “But what does—?”
“I think that means she does find you attractive.”
“Maybe she thinks I’m nice to look at. But that’s very different from actually being attracted to someone or wanting to date them, isn’t it?”
“I suppose so.” Felicity tapped one fingertip against her chin. “But you said yourself there have been some looks, some moments, between the two of you, in many of your meetings. Don’t you think that might mean it’s more than her finding you beautiful?”
Carmen sighed. “Even if it does, she’s said she’s not interested, so it’s a moot point.”
Felicity leaned forward and pressed a fingertip into the marble top of the breakfast bar as if to emphasise her point. “She didn’t say that. She didn’t say, ‘I don’t feel the same way’, or ‘Sorry, but you’re not my type’. If someone told me they were attracted to me and I didn’t feel the same way, I’d come right out and say so.”
“Hmm, but that’s you. And we know you’re always more, um, outspoken than a lot of people.”
Felicity snorted. “Perhaps. But I stand by what I said. I think there’s something else going on here. God knows what, though. Have you heard from her since she arrived in South Africa?”
“Um, yes, I have. She messaged to say she’d landed okay and then again yesterday to say she was all settled in Kruger.”
They’d been sweet messages, chatty and friendly.
