“Did Veronica say when she’d be back?” Leo asked me.
“About twenty minutes …” I looked at my watch, “Fifteen minutes ago.”
He nodded. “Listen, would you mind staying with Maisie until she arrives? I have some work I need to take care of with Marie.”
I couldn’t help but gape. Was he going to fuck his nanny while Maisie and I were here?
“We’re working on extending her work visa,” he said.
“Sure. I’ll wait.” My parents weren’t expecting me until dinner time anyway. I watched as Leo escorted Marie out of the kitchen.
“She seems nice,” I said as I picked up Maisie’s empty plate and milk glass to wash.
“She’s okay. I like you better. You make forts and don’t make me speak French.”
By the time I had Maisie’s milk mustache and crumbs cleaned up, Veronica arrived home. I wondered if I should say something to her about Leo and the nanny.
Should I tell Dylan too? That certainly might be dirt he’d want to use. My conscience told me it was bad to use this type of information against Veronica. It would hurt enough to find out her husband was cheating, but to have it used against her in her custody suit seemed heartless. Was I betraying Dylan by thinking that?
Deciding I didn’t need to do anything at that moment, I gave Maisie a hug and kiss and told her I’d see her next weekend. Then I headed to Brooklyn, hoping I’d get respite and peace by spending time with my parents. The only stress I had was in trying to decide if I should tell them about the baby now.
22
Dylan
I walked into a quiet house on Friday, knowing Maisie and Tessa were gone. It wasn’t the first time I’d come home with no one to greet me, but for some reason, the emptiness stole my breath. It was like walking into a space devoid of life.
I hated what had happened between Tessa and me. Wasn’t that the reason I’d tried to resist her in the first place? Because I didn’t want to ruin our friendship? But I couldn’t blame her for where we were now. That was on me. My misery and loneliness were all because I pushed her away. I’d asked her to play the role of a loving wife, which she did perfectly. Even now, when it was clear a chasm was between us, she cared for Maisie, played a dutiful wife, and even managed to continue to sleep in my bed when I was sure she’d rather be anywhere else.
I could see it was taking a toll on her, which made me hate myself even more. She looked so tired and sad all the damn time.
The last year of my marriage with Veronica, there was the same cool distance, but I’d grown used to it, and eventually when she left it was a relief not to have to pretend anymore. But with Tessa, the further she felt from me, the more I wanted to do something to change it. I was scared shitless to let her into my heart, and yet based on how I was feeling completely gutted in my own home, it seemed obvious that she was already there. Fuck, she’d probably always been there.
The truth was, I wanted the reality of marriage and a family, not the sham. I wanted her to look at me as she had in the beginning; like I was her fucking hero. I wanted her to find her feminine sexual self using my body. I wanted to pay for her school, and whatever dream she had.
But I was a coward. I’d given everything I had to Veronica and she tossed it aside like an old tattered coat. Yes, we were young when we met as college sophomores, but lack of life experience didn’t mean the emotions we felt were any less intense. I’d loved her, and together we’d plotted out a life where I’d start a gym business and she’d work with me.
When Maisie was born, it had been her idea to stay home, which in hindsight, I should have known wouldn’t have worked. She was a social woman, liking attention and activity. By the time Maisie was a year old, it was clear she was unhappy, so when she said she wanted to spend time with friends in New York City, I didn’t balk. I wanted her to be happy.
Her trips became more regular, and I suspected that she wasn’t faithful, but I’d finally built a family my mother hadn’t been able to, and I wasn’t going to let it go. When she said she’d been hired to model, I thought that would at least stop the weekend parties and affairs, but when it turned out she was good at it, she spent increasing amounts of time away, and resented me and Maisie more and more when she’d come home. So when she called on a night she was supposed to be home to say she wasn’t coming home, ever, I didn’t beg her to return. When she asked that I take over full care of Maisie, I happily, and with relief, agreed.
I learned a lot from Veronica. The most important lesson was that I couldn’t put my faith in love. My mother chose her men over me. Veronica chose her dream over me. Now, all my love went to Maisie. I wouldn’t let her be hurt by life if I could help it.
I knew Tessa, despite her resentment of me, loved Maisie and would do anything for her too. I’d trusted her with Maisie’s care, and she’d never given me cause to question her commitment to my daughter. Even as I railed against her, telling her Maisie was mine and she had no rights, she’d stuck with me in this crazy scheme. She was a woman who gave of herself and stuck by her word. She was loving, honest, smart, sweet, and faithful. I didn’t
