What would happen if I said all this to her? If I told her I was willing to risk my heart for her? I don’t think she’d mean to hurt me, but it wouldn’t be a surprise if she told me to take a flying leap. For that reason alone, I shouldn’t say anything. It was too late to change things with her.
And yet, these feelings nagged at me. She might tell me to fuck off, but then again, she was a forgiving and loving person. Maybe she’d give me a chance.
I poured myself a drink and took out the covered dish of fettuccine Tessa had left for me for dinner. See, she couldn’t completely hate me if she made sure I had dinner.
As my dinner heated, I psyched myself up about my feelings for her. I’d spend the weekend figuring out how to tell her how I really felt and see if I couldn’t persuade her to give this thing, or the thing we had a few weeks ago, a chance. The idea scared the shit out of me and at the same time, a sense of serenity came over me. Like this was the right choice.
I put my plate in the dishwasher and headed to the living room, thinking I’d make plans for the shelves Tessa thought I should have in the living area to help store Maisie’s growing stash of toys. I passed the phone sitting on a little side table and noticed the message light beeping.
I hadn’t had a landline phone until Tessa suggested it. She indicated that it was a safety issue if I didn’t have cell phone power in an emergency. She also said Maisie was old enough to call for help if needed, but she’d need to know where a phone was, which could be a problem if it was hidden in my coat. I remembered saying if I had the phone I could call, but she argued that the emergency could be with me. So I got a landline and until this moment, hadn’t ever noticed messages. I never even gave out the number.
Even so, I poked the message button.
“Hello, Mrs. Hyatt, this is Dr Layman’s office. She asked that I call to reschedule your sonogram to the week after next instead of this coming week.” She gave a date and time.
I stilled. Sonogram? Was Tessa sick?
“She said not to worry, a week later will be fine. Just keep taking the prenatal vitamins and take care of yourself. If you have questions or concerns, you can call us.”
I staggered back for a moment. Then deciding I hadn’t heard right; I replayed the message. Reschedule sonogram. Take prenatal vitamins. Jesus … Tessa was pregnant.
I swallowed as the news filtered through, turning from shock to anger. She was pregnant and hadn’t told me. What the fuck?
I began to pace, feeling like my world was whirling away. I’d just spent an hour in my head telling myself I could love her. That I could trust her. I could build something with her. As it turned out, I was wrong. Like I was always wrong.
From there my mind spiraled downward. Had she lied about the pill? Was it her goal to get pregnant? Was she planning to keep this pregnancy a secret and take my child, as Veronica was trying to do?
I grabbed the phone and dialed her number. She picked up on the third ring.
“You’re calling from the landline. Is everything all right?” she said.
“You tell me,” I growled into the phone.
There was a pause. “What’s going on?”
“There’s a message here from Dr. Layman’s office.”
Her breath hitched. I knew that sound. It was the sound someone made when they realized they’d been busted.
“Were you going to tell me you were pregnant?”
“Yes. Dylan … I can explain …”
“Really? There is a good explanation for why you’d keep this from me? Or were you going to take my child from me?”
“No, I’d never—”
“Funny, I don’t believe you. Is that what this was all about? You wanted to trick me?”
“Dylan, it was your idea to get married, not mine.”
“You wanted me to fuck you. I did fuck you.” I’d thought she was so sweet and innocent. Had I missed the signs that she was manipulative like Veronica?
“You used a condom the night I told you I wanted you.”
“And the honeymoon?”
“You started that.”
Fuck, she was right, but maybe I’d just let my dick lead me where she wanted him to go.
“I was going to tell you, but I wanted to be sure with the sonogram—”
“Bullshit. If you had a test, you knew. Why would you keep that from me? I trusted you—” I hated how vulnerable and desperate those last words sounded.
“You said you didn’t want to love or have more kids.”
“So you were going to keep this from me? Did you think I wouldn’t notice?”
“I wasn’t going to hide it.”
All this time, I’d thought her attitude towards me had to do with how I’d treated her. But maybe she got what she wanted and was now done with me. “Maybe you were acting so cold and distant so I wouldn’t notice. Or maybe you were going to bail on me and have the child on your own, never telling me. You probably don’t think I deserve to know.”
“Dylan, no.”
I could hear in her voice that she was crying, but I fought to not be swayed. I’d been swayed by tears before.
“What did you want, Tessa?”
She was quiet for a moment. “In an ideal world, you’d love me like I love you and, we––you, me, Maisie and this baby––would be a family. But I knew that wouldn’t ever happen, and I just needed time to wrap my head around the reality.”
“You don’t love me,” I scoffed. Did she really think I’d buy that?
“I do, Dylan. I’ve loved you for so long.”
“I don’t believe you. If you loved me, you wouldn’t have kept this from me.”
“I’ll come home and we can talk—”
“No.
