I was panting as a second release teetered on the edge. He leaned over, sucked on a nipple, and that was it. He rocketed me to the stratosphere, blasting pleasure through my body.
“Fuck…yes…so good…I’m coming.” He grunted, thrust in, and his hot seed filled me. That had been different with him too. I’d never been with a man without a condom, even though I was on the pill. With Brayden, I wanted all of him. I wanted to give all of me.
We moved together, drawing out our orgasms until he finally dropped his head on my shoulder.
“I have a confession,” he said against my neck.
Ah…I wasn’t sure I liked that.
He lifted his head, and looked into my eyes as his hands cupped my face. “I love you, Terra. I’m so fucking in love with you.”
My heart swelled until I was sure it was going to burst from my chest. “Brayden.” I pressed my palm against his cheek. “I love you too.”
He smiled, and I saw relief in his eyes. Then he kissed me.
I looped my arms around him, wanting to savor this moment. “You know, for a new employee, you’re doing very well.”
“I have a good mentor.” He ground his hips against mine.
“So that’s all this is. Work?” I teased.
He shook his head. “Work won’t ever be more important than you.”
I let out a cry as I realized Brayden hadn’t been able to keep that promise. At the same time, his dedication, near compulsion to work was something I knew about him when we got together. After all, our romance bloomed in the quiet after work hours in his office.
There was so much to our relationship then that was lost now. Why? What had happened that I couldn’t tell him how I was feeling or what I needed. I hadn’t told him I was being tested for cancer. I still hadn’t told him I was diagnosed with cancer. It wasn’t like I didn’t think he’d care, because he would. While the special bond we had was gone, that didn’t mean he’d become a louse. I knew he’d be worried and concerned. He’d do what he could to step up and support me. So why hadn’t I said anything? Was it me? Was there something going on with me that had caused all this?
I blamed his long work hours, but he blamed my attention to the kids. Was he right in that? Had I given everything to the kids and not provided enough to him? To give him attention, he’d need to be home. When he was home, he was the one often spending time with the kids.
The reality now was that it was possible this cancer would take me away, and I needed to prepare him and the kids for that. It would be nice if we could find our couplehood again, but to be honest, that was secondary to making sure my family would be okay if I didn’t survive.
For a moment, I wondered if Brayden would ever remarry if the cancer did take me. My father never remarried, although I was sure he had women he spent time with. The idea of Brayden with another woman didn’t sit well with me. We might be in trouble, but he was still mine. I didn’t miss the irony that I was the one thinking divorce and yet still laying claim to him.
At the same time, I’d want Brayden to be happy. Perhaps he and I weren’t as perfect as I’d once thought, as evidenced by our estrangement. Maybe there was a woman who was better suited for him.
My gut roiled as images of him smiling sweetly or wickedly at another woman filled my brain. Of him using that marvelously large dick to make more children with her in my bed.
“Grrrr…” I snarled. I sipped my tea, looking for calm. I couldn’t control what happened if I died, so it was better not to dwell on it. Instead, I picked up the notebook I’d brought out to the sunporch with me and began to make a list of what needed to be done. I’d need help during treatment as I wouldn’t have the energy. I’d need rides to and from treatment, as well. Would Brayden be able to make the time to help? Perhaps Emma could help.
As I finished my list, I re-visited the memory of Brayden and I when we’d first met. Our relationship was intense and glorious. I’d felt like anything was possible with him. It was the only reason I’d taken the risk in leaving my six-figure job to start a company with him. And I’d been right. Together, we built a company that caught the eye of others in the industry wanting to spend a fortune to buy us out. But we were adamant that the company was ours and would always be ours. Of course, I hadn’t worked since Lanie was born, except for occasional consulting, although I hadn’t done that in a long time.
I wondered what would happen if I visited Brayden at work and suggested a visit to the supply closet. Ten years ago, it had felt fun, exciting, right. Now, it felt silly and desperate. He’d probably tell me he had a meeting he couldn’t miss.
Realizing I was just going around and around about our relationship, I decided to move on with my day. Distraction was a valuable tool in avoiding emotions I didn’t want to feel.
I might have lost sight of my marriage, but I was still dedicated to taking care of my family. I put my tea cup in the dishwasher and turned it on to run. I needed to do some grocery shopping, and pick up Brayden’s suit from the dry cleaners.
As I started on my day, I wondered if the issue between us was how different our daily lives were. Before the kids, we spent all our time together working towards the same goals. Now my day was filled with kids, chores, and
