Except the cancer. The thought flashed in my mind reminding me that thinking of a future wasn’t a good use of my time right now. Maybe, if the cancer responded to treatment, then I could think about a future with me and Brayden and the kids. Until then, I needed to prepare for a future without me.
9 Brayden
I woke this morning as I did everyday now; alone in my bed. For all of the reflecting on my life and marriage I’d done the day before, I hadn’t made any effort to change it. I knew something was wrong. Even before I learned Terra was considering divorce. So why was I in my bed alone? Why hadn’t I done anything to make things right? Was there anything I could do to make things right?
I rose from bed, and went to the kitchen to make coffee. Like the day before, I took the quiet time in the house to wake up while looking out over the expanse of the backyard. It was lush and green due to the wet climate of the Pacific Northwest. A large swing set sat in one area. A covered outdoor patio complete with grilling station sat unused for years. When had we stopped enjoying the backyard?
Maybe we should use it, I thought as I sipped my hot brew. In fact, maybe I should take a day off and spend it with my family. I ran through my list of to-dos for the day. I didn’t like being away from work if I didn’t have to be. It felt wrong to play hooky, and yet my family was on the line here. Surely one day away wouldn’t hurt the company. Then again, would one day together really make a difference for me and Terra?
Deciding I needed to make some effort, I pulled out my cell phone and dialed Kyle’s number.
“Hullo?” his sleepy voice came through the line.
“Kyle, sorry to wake you.” I checked my watch. It was six thirty. Why wasn’t he up yet? Then again, he didn’t have a family. His only responsibility was to himself. When I was single and didn’t have to share a bathroom or help get kids up, I could be up and out of the house in twenty minutes.
“It’s okay. What’s up? Is something wrong?”
“No. Everything is fine, but I’m not coming in today,” I said.
“You sick?”
“No.”
“Have you ever taken a day off?”
I thought for a moment. I’d taken a couple days off when Lanie and then Noah were born, but that was about it.
“Not in a while. I want to spend some time with the family. I know you’ll be able to oversee the cloud security project update today, and anything else that comes up.”
“Of course. No worries.”
When I hung up, I felt a mixture of relief and worry. I felt good about taking the day for my family, and yet, a sense of falling short of my duty at work. Shirking that feeling off, I went back to the kitchen and started making some breakfast.
“Aren’t you going to work?” Terra said thirty minutes later as she entered the kitchen with Noah.
“I’m taking the day off.” I sprinkled cheese into the omelet I was making for Terra. I already had pancakes warming for the kids in the oven.
“Are you sick?”
“Nope.” I grabbed a mug from the cupboard and poured a cup of coffee I made in a carafe instead of from pods, and handed it to her.
“What are we eating, daddy?” Lanie said as she skipped into the kitchen taking her seat next to Noah.
“Pancakes for you two, omelets for mom and me.”
“Yay!” Lanie and Noah said in unison.
Terra looked at me like she didn’t know me. That made me sad. There was a time when something spontaneous wouldn’t have been so strange. Granted, my spontaneity rarely had to do with taking a day off, but it wasn’t so out of the realm of possibility was it?
“We’re going to spend the day as a family. Kids are staying home too.”
“Double yay!” Lanie said gleefully.
“Miss school?” Terra asked, still studying me like she wasn’t sure what was going on.
“Yep.” I put her omelet on a plate and handed it to her. “One ham and cheese omelet.”
Her lips quirked up slightly. It was a small smile, but I took it as a victory. I hoped I’d score more throughout the day.
I pulled out the pancakes and served the kids. “I thought we’d go to MoPop today,” I said of the pop culture museum in Seattle.
“Do you think the kids are old enough for that,” Terra said.
“Absolutely. And if they get bored, we’ll do something else.”
Terra sat at the table, helping the kids with syrup. When my omelet finished, I sat with them.
“So, what do you say? Burrow family holiday today?” I looked around the table at my family.
“Yay. What’s at MoPop, daddy?” Lanie asked with a mouthful of pancake.
“Fun stuff about music and movies and more. You’ll love it.” I held up my class of orange juice like I was making a toast. “To the first annual Burrow Family Holiday.”
“Annual?” Terra asked. I studied her as her expression appeared sad at the idea.
“Do you think we should do it quarterly? Monthly?”
Again, her lips quirked up slightly and then she looked down at her breakfast. Irritation flared that she wasn’t meeting me half-way on this.
“Daddy? Can we go to the zoo?” Noah asked.
“Maybe.”
“Can we get a shrimp?” Lanie asked.
“That’s a lot for one day,” Terra said.
I frowned. Was she trying to rain on my parade?
“Let’s see how things play out,” I said.
After breakfast, I helped get the kids ready and then took my own shower. As I came out of the bathroom in my towel, Terra was sitting on the bed, several of
