I should probably feel glad that he felt complete trust in me to deal with the kids and home, including our bills. That suggested he had faith and confidence in me. He’d done the same when we worked together to build the business.
A part of me thought that I should have begun working for the company part time when Noah started at full-day pre-k. It would have given me more time with Brayden, and probably prevented our estrangement. Now, it was too late for that. Now the focus was on my cancer.
I stood in front of the bathroom mirror after getting out of the shower and studied my body. Once, I’d been lean, nearly boyish. Now I was rounder, softer, but last night Brayden acted like I had the sexiest body on earth. I cupped my breasts, remembering how he’d loved them. Would he lose his interest in me if they had to go? I knew I could have reconstructive surgery if ultimately, I had to have a mastectomy, but that wouldn’t be the same. It wouldn’t be these breasts.
I shook my head, not wanting to wallow in self-pity. Like Brayden, I needed to get my life in order. Chemotherapy would wipe me out physically, so I needed to figure out how to care for the kids and home when I was too tired or sick to do it.
I called Emma to ask her for lunch. She’d have ideas and tips on how to manage through cancer treatment as she’d been through it with her husband. I wondered if maybe that was cruel to ask her to go back to that dark time in her life. On the other hand, she was the one person I trusted to help me get my life in order to deal with this.
We met at a little bistro café near Pike’s Place. She ordered the soup and sandwich, while I ordered a soup and salad.
“So…how did last night go?” Her eyes gleamed. “Brayden couldn’t take his eyes off you in that dress. I’m patting myself on the back for getting it for you.”
I couldn’t stop the smile as the night I spent with Brayden came back to me.
“I know that look.” She waggled her eyebrows. “You two reconnected…horizontally.”
I laughed. “Yes.” I sighed. “It was wonderful. He’s…he’s really trying.”
“It’s hard to take the work out of a workaholic, but he loves you, Terra.”
“I know.” All of a sudden, a wave of sadness welled up as I considered how it would be for him if cancer treatment didn’t work. I couldn’t imagine losing him. Even when I’d talked to a lawyer about what was involved in a divorce, I couldn’t actually picture myself not being with him.
“Hey? What’s wrong?” Emma put her hand over mine.
I looked up at her through watery eyes. “I have cancer.”
Her eyes blinked like she wasn’t sure she heard me. “What?”
“Remember when we went shopping? When I first saw the dress? I noticed an anomaly on my breast. It’s cancer.”
“Oh God, Terra.” Her hand squeezed mine.
“I didn’t want to say anything because I know it’s hard for you.”
“Honey, I’m your friend.”
“I know. And I’m going to need a friend. I hope it doesn’t bring up a lot of sadness for you.”
She sat back and looked at me. “Lots of things bring back the sadness. I can’t avoid it. But I’m not trying to avoid it either. If I try to forget the pain, then I have to forget Derek, and that’s not going to happen.”
I nodded as what she said made sense.
“What can I do?” Emma asked.
“I need to make plans for when I’m in treatment.”
“I’ll help with the kids. I can take and pick up from school.”
I smiled because she was such a wonderful friend. “Brayden can probably take them.”
“Will he be taking a leave from work?”
“I don’t know. I don’t think he can leave all together.” I worked to not resent him for that. The business was his creation. It would be unfair of me to expect him to walk away completely.
“I suppose as the owner, that would be hard. I hope he’ll get some time off though.”
“He’s working on that today.”
“Good.” She pulled out a pen and notepad from her purse. “So, the kids’ school is decided. Meal times. You know you can order meal kits that all you have to do is heat them. They’re prepared.”
“You mean like frozen food?” I prided myself on being a good mom, including serving my kids healthy, homemade foods. The idea of giving them processed food revolted me.
“Not really. It’s like those meal kits you can get but these are already chopped and mixed. You just have to cook. Or you can hire someone to prepare meals for you.”
I wondered if Brayden would be okay with paying for that. We were financially well-off. We lived below our means. But the ghost of poverty always haunted him, and he was very nearly a miser.
“I just want to make sure everything is healthy,” I said.
“Of course.” She looked up at me. “What sort of treatment are you having?”
“Chemo to start. My oncologist is hoping to shrink the tumor so he won’t have to take too much of the breast during surgery.”
“You’ll need someone to help you through that. Take you to appointments and care for you after. If you need me, maybe Brayden is working, I can help.”
“I hate to put that on you—”
“Hey! You’re my friend. I want to be there for you.”
I wiped a tear. “Thank you.”
“Of course. In a few months or a year, we’ll be back here and all that will be behind us.”
I
