An hour later, we were in the zoo. Although it was overcast, it wasn’t raining, and the temperature wasn’t too cold. We’d made it through the temperate forest section and were by the flamingos where Lanie was trying to stand on one foot, when I heard my name called.
“Hey Terra.”
I turned to see Emma and Nina approaching.
“Emma, hi.” I gave her a hug and realized it had been a long time since she and I had chatted much less gotten together.
Nina joined Lanie in trying to stand on one foot, while Noah watched from Brayden’s shoulders.
“I didn’t know you’d be here,” I said.
“You’ve been a bit MIA. Are you okay?”
I nodded.
“Treatment going okay?”
Next week I was going to have my breasts removed, but standing by the flamingo pen at the zoo didn’t seem like the right place to share that.
“It’s a process. As you know,” I said instead.
“I heard you went to visit your dad,” she said.
I cast Brayden a look, but he was pointing towards the Tropical Rain Forest area and telling Noah something.
“Yes. I needed to let him know what was going on.”
Emma nodded. “Well, listen, why don’t I take the kids for a little bit and you and Brayden can catch up.”
I narrowed my eyes at her and then Brayden. “This feels like a set up.”
“So, what if it is?” Emma gave me a pointed stare, challenging me to argue. Then she turned to the kids. “Lanie, Noah, want to come with me and Nina to see the monkeys?”
“I want to see monkeys.” Lanie jumped up and down.
“Me too,” Noah said from Brayden’s shoulders.
He put Noah down. “It’s okay with me.”
“It’s settled. We’ll catch up later.” Emma took Noah’s hand and walked off with Lanie and Nina holding hands and skipping.
“What’s going on?” I asked Brayden.
He looked at me. “Is this a problem? You and I having a moment alone?” I noted some annoyance, and I suppose I couldn’t blame him. If this was a set up, he’d gone to some effort to make it happen. I, on the other hand, had been pretty bitchy to him.
“No. I just wonder why the set up,” I said.
He sighed. “You used to like my surprises.”
Is that what this was? Then again, I couldn’t remember many surprises in the last few years.
“Either way, I wanted a chance to talk to you,” he said.
We could have talked at home, I thought, but didn’t say. He nodded in the direction we had just come and started walking. I went with him. We needed to talk although I couldn’t figure out what would be said that would change things. It wasn’t like we hadn’t talked before. We’d done it many times to no avail.
“The kids liked those shrimps. You struck gold with them there,” I said trying to make small talk.
Brayden glanced at me. “You think I’m trying to buy their affection?”
Crap. That’s not what I meant…or at least I didn’t think I did.
“They’re not the ones I need to win over, Terra. Despite my being a shitty husband and father, they like me.” He shook his head. “Thank fuck someone in my family does,” he said under his breath.
Then he walked on, running his hands through his hair like he was annoyed, not just at me but at himself too.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to imply—”
“Are you sure?” He huffed out a breath. “I wanted this to go better, nicer. I have no idea what you’re planning, but my goal is to save my marriage, my family. Am I wasting my time?”
I hated how desperate he sounded, and yet, we’d been through all this. “What’s different now than before, Brayden?”
He stopped short and looked at me. “Plenty if you give me a minute, but none of it will matter if you’ve already checked out of this marriage. Do you still love me?”
“Brayden—”
“I know you think I’ve been giving you lip service over the last few weeks, but it’s not like I could simply walk away from the business. We have clients that pay us thousands, in some cases, tens of thousands of dollars. We have a staff who rely on us to pay their rent and feed their families. I know they’re not as important as you or the kids, but do you really expect me to just chuck it all and let them fend for themselves?”
I studied him, surprised by the forcefulness of his tone. Usually when we had this discussion there was a part of him that seemed to be trying to appeal to me. That was gone. Now I saw all his frustration and hurt.
“I don’t know what you think I do all day, but it takes time to reorganize, delegate, and assure everyone that their jobs and services will continue without any issues. And they are concerned, Terra. Who wouldn’t be with shit happening nearly every time I was out of the office taking care of you, dealing with the kids, paying the bills, and everything else? And before you accuse me of being a baby or complaining, I was happy to do it. I’m happy to keep doing it. But maybe it would be nice if you didn’t bust my balls, call a lawyer, or run off to your dad’s house.” He let out an exasperated growl. “Fuck.” Clearly, he’d wanted this conversation to go differently.
He began to walk on and I gave him a few steps as I could see he needed a minute. As I started behind him, I realized he was right. Part of my resentment toward him was that I didn’t feel like he knew or appreciated just what I did for the family. It seemed like he felt he could come and go and do whatever he wanted, while I was caring for the kids and home. But over the last month, he’d worked
