We’ll be home by 9 tomorrow morning.
I stared at the message, as the first feelings of hope I’d had since she messaged me that she was going to her fathers grew.
I can’t wait to see you. I messaged back.
I figured she wouldn’t answer, so I put my phone on the bedside table and lay in the dark. If all went well, I wouldn’t be alone tomorrow or ever.
24
Terra
Telling my father that I had cancer was one of the hardest things I’d ever done. I knew I needed to do it, but I couldn’t imagine what it would be like for him. He’d lost his wife and now it could take his daughter. His only child.
He’d cried, but then pulled himself together, asking what I needed. A cure and possibly a miracle was my only answer.
The first few days the kids and I were there, he didn’t ask about Brayden, but on Wednesday after Brayden dropped the kids off from visiting with them, I could see he was concerned. I wondered what Brayden had told him. It couldn’t have been bad. Each day, I got messages from Brayden saying he loved me. I was a bitch for never responding, but I was still so angry and resentful. I didn’t want words. I wanted Brayden.
I’d been able to avoid a conversation with my father then, but on Friday, after I’d received a message from Brayden about coming home on Saturday, my father called me into his study after I’d put the kids to bed.
“Why are you here, Terra?” he asked, handing me a cup of tea.
“To see you,” I said.
“So, you’ve seen me. How long are you planning to stay?”
“Do you want us to leave?” I was annoyed that Brayden said something to my father that had him turning on me.
“No. But I want to know what’s going on. Have you left Brayden?” My father’s eyes scrutinized me, making me squirm like I used to when I was a kid.
“No. I wanted to see you to let you know what was going on.” That was mostly true. I hadn’t left Brayden, but I’d be lying if I said that was all. I wanted to see what it would be like for the kids and me to be away from him. The kids were fine, but then again, they thought this was just a visit. They’d been so happy to see Brayden on Wednesday, and afterwards, asked me when we were going home.
“And,” my father prodded.
I felt like I was being interrogated. “And yes, I needed some time away from him.”
“Why?”
I sighed. “I just don’t feel he’s as committed to us as he is his work.”
He nodded in understanding. “Do you love him?”
“Dad—”
“He thinks you don’t love him anymore.”
Jeez, Brayden hadn’t been here that long when he dropped the kids off. How had they gotten into such a deep conversation?
“I do love him. But I’m tired of being in second place.”
“He says he’s changing that.”
I rolled my eyes. “He always says that. There’s always one last project and then he’ll have time, but he never does. Nothing ever changes.”
“So, you're gonna live here forever? What’s your plan?”
I felt tears spring to my eyes. There was so much, too much, going on. “Right now, I’m going to fight this cancer. After that…I don’t know.”
His brows rose to his hairline in surprise. “You don’t know?” Then his eyes narrowed. “You need to talk to him Terra. It’s immature to ignore him especially if you’re planning on leaving.”
“I never said I was leaving,” I said defensively, although I don’t know why. Clearly, I’d thought about it.
“Brayden may have his faults, but he loves you and the kids. You could do a lot worse.” He stood. “Go home and sort out your marriage, Terra. Whether you stay or go, I’ll be here for you. But you can’t hide.”
I hated that he was right. I felt like a petulant teenager the way I’d run off and was ignoring Brayden. It was time I face my life. That evening I texted him that me and the kids would be home by nine the next morning.
The kids were cheering as I pulled the car into the driveway of our home.
“I hope daddy is awake,” Lanie said.
“Me too,” Noah agreed.
I grabbed our bags from the trunk as the kids rushed to the front door.
“Who’s there?” Brayden said opening the door. “I’m not buying.”
“It’s us daddy,” Lanie said.
Brayden dropped to a squat. “I’ll buy you every day and twice on Sundays.” He scooped them both into his arms. His head dropped between them, like he was savoring having them home. I felt a tinge of guilt for taking them from him.
He lifted his head as he saw me coming up the walk.
“There’s a surprise in each of your rooms,” he said to the kids. To me he said, “Let me carry those.”
The kids ran into the house as he reached for the bags I was carrying.
“I’m glad you’re home.” He leaned forward and kissed me on the cheek. I closed my eyes as the scent and heat of him threatened to demolish the wall I’d erected. I wasn’t ready to let go of my pain and resentment.
I followed him through the house to hallway.
“A shrimp. Daddy got me a shrimp!” Lanie was yelling over and over from her room.
“Me too.” Noah rushed from his room and wrapped his arms around Brayden’s legs. “Thank you, daddy.”
Brayden set the bag down and hugged Noah. “I said I would. I’m a man of my word.” He looked up at me, like his words were meant for me. But I’d heard all the words before.
“I’ll unpack,” I said reaching for the bag he’d put down.
“We don’t have time for that,” he said. “How about a trip to the zoo today?”
The kids cheered and jumped up and down.
My impulse was to say no,
