After dinner, I drove them down to their grandfather’s house hoping I’d have a chance to see and talk to Terra. I couldn’t remember going so long without seeing her since I met her. It was unsettling each day that passed and I didn’t see her. This was what it would be like if she divorced me or worse, her cancer took her. I couldn’t live like that. She was as essential to me as breathing. It was clear I wasn’t that for her, but if I was lucky, I’d get a chance to change that.
“There’s the munchkins,” my father-in-law, Tom, said when he opened the door.
“We’re not munchkins,” Lanie said. “We’re kids.”
“Really?” Tom said. “How do I know the difference?”
“Grandpa!”
“Well if you’re kids, Verna has some cookies for you in the kitchen,” he said referring to his cook. Tom was financially well-off, and a reminder that my fears about being broke were unfounded. At the very least, he’d take care of Terra and the kids if something happened to us financially. As comforting as that was, it was also unsettling. I couldn’t put my, or my family’s security in the hands of another. That was my job.
“Yay!” Lanie and Noah rushed through the door.
Tom watched them as they made their way into the house. Then he turned to me. “Did you have a good afternoon?”
I studied his face for clues as to what Terra might have told him. He didn’t look like he wanted to rip my head off, which had to be a good sign.
“I did. Can I see Terra?” I stepped into the foyer, but Tom didn’t invite me further into the home so I stayed there. Perhaps he did know something after all.
“She’s resting.” He had a pained expression and I could only imagine the difficulty he was having in dealing with the fact that the same disease that had taken his wife was now growing in his daughter.
Even so, it didn’t sit right with me that Terra wouldn’t see me.
“I don’t know why she waited so long to tell me about her illness,” he said.
I didn’t know the answer to that either, except maybe she waited as a way to protect him.
He gave me a pointed look over. “Everything alright with you two?”
I tried to keep my expression blank. “What does she say?”
He blew out a breath. “That’s about as close to no as I’ve gotten. What’s going on?”
I shook my head, not wanting to delve into my relationship problems with my father-in-law.
His eyes narrowed. “Are you cheating on my daughter?”
What the fuck? Why did everyone think that? “No, sir. Never.” I hoped he believed the firmness of my tone. “I love her.”
It dawned on me at that moment that I couldn’t remember the last time Terra had told me she loved me. Had she during the short time we’d reconnected several weeks ago? Before that she’d been talking to a lawyer. Jesus, did she even love me.
Tom studied me. “But what?”
“I don’t know that she still loves me.” I’m not sure why I said that, except maybe I was looking for reassurance that she did.
“Of course, she does.”
I couldn’t be sure he was saying that as an automatic response or that it was because Terra had told him she loved me.
“I haven’t always been there for her, but I’m working on changing that.” I wanted to ask if he knew if or when she planned to come home.
“Good to hear. She needs someone now to help her through this.”
“Are you sure I can’t see her?” It was killing me to know she was in the house and I couldn’t see her. Was she okay?
He glanced over his shoulder, and I looked to see if she was there. She wasn’t.
“Like I said, she’s resting.”
I studied him. “She still doesn’t want to see me.”
He shrugged.
I turned to leave. I couldn’t very well force my way in.
“Do you want me to give her a message?” he asked.
“I leave her messages and texts every day. She doesn’t take those, so I’m not sure she’d take one through you.” Yes, I was bitter and feeling rejected. Reminding myself that I’d brought this on myself was the only thing that kept me from giving up all together. She needed action not words.
I drove home to my empty, quiet house. Like I’d done every night since she’d gone to her fathers, I left a voice message telling her I loved her when I got ready for bed. I had no idea if she listened to them, but I couldn’t control that.
On Thursday, everything at the office finally coalesced and I could move forward with the next phase. I called Terra and left her a message asking if she’d be home Saturday. To get help on making that happen, I called Tom, asking for his help in arranging a day with her and the kids. I also contacted Emma, asking for her assistance. I wasn’t sure what Terra had told her and if she’d be willing to help. Thankfully, she agreed.
On Friday, I made sure all my plans at the office were in order and in the afternoon, I went to the cancer support group. I’d admitted to them that Terra was with her father and I wasn’t sure how permanent that was. They’d all told me to keep on working to reconcile. Even the angry lady was rooting for me. When I left, Bob and several others in the group wished me luck that everything would turn out.
“If she doesn’t see how much you love her, then she’s blind,” the angry lady said.
Later that evening, I ran a few errands to get the house ready for Terra and the kids. After getting things set up, I had dinner. I watched TV to distract myself from nerves about whether or not Terra was going to come home. She hadn’t replied to any of my texts or voice messages. I was climbing into bed, feeling dejected and concerned that
