Frowning, I stood to get a closer look in the mirror. It was like the skin was puckered. In that moment, I felt my entire world shift. Fear and dread immobilized me. It had been awhile since I’d done a breast exam. I didn’t want to do it now. I closed my eyes, lifting my arm over my head and using my other hand to check the breast. As my fingers pressed against an immovable hard mass about the size of a grape, my legs went weak. I sank down onto the bench as my breath started coming in fast and erratic.
“You okay in there?” Emma asked. “The troops are getting restless.”
I had no idea how long I’d been sitting there in a panic, but I needed to get myself together. “Yeah. Just a minute.”
I went numb, and by rote, put my clothes back on. As I left the dressing room, I put the dress back on the rack.
“I thought you were going to buy that,” Emma said, watching me with concerned eyes.
“Changed my mind.” I took Lanie’s hand. “Come on, sweetie. Let’s go home.”
I arrived home, knowing Brayden was there because his car was in the garage. But the house was quiet.
“Why don’t you put your new things away,” I said to Lanie.
She trotted up the hall as I went to Noah’s room. Peaking in, I saw Brayden and Noah sound asleep in Noah’s bed.
For a moment I watched them, as a wave of love and then sadness came over me. I looked away, noticing a new item in Noah’s room. A small fish tank.
“Oh, hey,” Brayden gave me a lazy smile that made me think of when I met and fallen head over heels for him. He quietly scooted off of Noah’s bed. “Did you girls have fun?”
“Lanie got new shoes.”
“And you?”
I looked up at him, wondering when he’d taken such an interest in me. “No.”
He sighed. “We need to talk, Terra.”
My heart stalled in my chest. Was this where he told me he was leaving? That he and his secretary were moving in together? Would he change his mind if I told him about the lump in my breast?
“I’m really tired, Brayden. Can it wait? I’ve got to get Lanie settled and it looks like I’ll have a new chore.” I nodded toward the fish tank.
He frowned. “It’s not that much work. I showed him what to do.”
“He’s four.”
“He likes it.”
“You just want him to like you.” The minute it was out of my mouth, I regretted it. Unfortunately, it was too late.
Brayden’s eyes hardened, and any warmth that had been there before was now gone. He didn’t say anything, but he didn’t have to. The torrent of seething resentment shone on his face.
“Daddy, want to see my new shoes?” Lanie skipped up the hall to us.
He gave me one last look like he wondered who the hell I was, and then stepped into the hall.
I closed Noah’s door and went to my bedroom’s bathroom. Looking in the mirror, I didn’t know who I was either. But as my gaze drifted to my bustline, I couldn’t worry about whether or not Brayden and my marriage was crashing and burning. No, I had more important concerns, such as what would happen to my children if I had cancer and it took me away from them as it had taken my mother.
5 Brayden – Two Weeks Later – Tuesday
Kyle tossed me a sandwich as he sat at the table across from me. He and I were having a working lunch as we went over the new cloud security system. It had been awhile since I’d felt the tingle and excitement of being on the verge of a great creation. This new program had me feeling alive in a way that I hadn’t in a long time. Maybe not since I met Terra.
“I’ve met someone,” Kyle said taking a bite of his sandwich.
“You meet lots of someones.” I smirked at him. Kyle wasn’t a douche, but he was a ladies’ man.
“This one is special.” He took a drink of his soda. “Maybe even the one.”
I smiled at him, remembering that feeling. There’d been several women that I’d thought were special, but when I met Terra, she’d been the one. Or at least I thought she was. Over the last two weeks, I’d wondered if maybe I’d been wrong. We’d been struggling to connect already, but for the last few weeks she’d seemed even more distant. Secretive even. It made me wonder what she was doing all day while the kids were in school.
“Enjoy your freedom while you can,” I said, pulling my sandwich from the wrapper.
“You sound like you miss it.”
I shrugged. “I’m not against marriage, but it does change people. It’s not all sex on a bed of roses.”
Kyle frowned. “I always thought you and Terra had a great marriage.”
“We’re like everyone else. Ups and downs. Plus, with kids, they take a lot of time. And when they’re sleeping, you’re too tired to do anything else.”
“That’s not a glowing statement for marriage.”
I didn’t want to get into my marriage with Kyle. He was my friend, but he also worked for me.
“I need to make headway on this project now. I have to leave early to pick up the kids as Terra has something going on today.” What it was, I didn’t know. I couldn’t imagine she was having an affair, and yet, if she had a doctor’s appointment or something, she’d have told me. All I could think of was affair or meeting with a lawyer. Perhaps she was getting ready to leave me. To put this suffering marriage out of its misery.
The idea of that hurt me and made me profoundly sad, even though I understood. Terra and
