AJ stepped around me and I could hear her behind me, yet I remained where I was, still trying to register her words.
She thought it was all a ruse, some game, she was the void feeler. After all our times together, all the things I’d told her, she still felt like Harley meant more to me than her.
When I turned around I caught her moving toward the door and my feet were suddenly on the move.
“Stop,” I hollered at her as she looked back over her shoulder. “God damn it, Allison Jo, will you listen to me for a minute?”
She continued down the stairs and I was hot on her tail.
“Listen to you what? Tell me that you’re still in love with her? Listen to you explain that even though you’ve spent that last seven months with me, you still have strong feelings for her? Stronger feelings than you hold for me? Call me stupid, Rhett, but I’m not gonna stand here and listen as my heart gets shattered. I don’t deserve that, not after everything I’ve given you.”
“Fine, I do love Harley.” She reached the bottom of the stairway and looked back at me with wide eyes. “But it’s not how you think.”
I reached the bottom of the steps, and AJ stood only a few feet away. “I’ve known her for a long time. We were friends long before we were more. And that—” She didn’t let me say anything more. She didn’t give me the chance to tell her that love isn’t how she had visualized it.
Instead, she rushed toward me and shoved me in the chest. “You said you loved me.” Another push, and I allowed her to get out her anger. I knew that if I didn’t I’d never get the chance to explain. “You said that you loved me and that you were happy. You told me you could see a future with me and that you’d never hurt me.”
I could feel her breaking down, slowing losing her strength as she continued to shove at me. It always broke me to see her in this state. After everything she’d been going through, the emotional distress of her family I think only added to the current state.
I’d reached the point where I could no longer wait it out as I gripped her wrists and held her close as she fought against my hold. “You told me my heart was safe with you.”
“It is,” I said as she shook her head no. “I love you, AJ.”
“But you love her too.” The words came out in more of a saddened whisper.
“Harley was my first of many things, baby, but you are my girl. You are the woman I love.” She blinked, and tears fell over her cheeks as her lower lip trembled. “A part of me will always hold a special place for Harley because she was a part of my life for so long, but what we had is over. All I want is you.”
When AJ looked up at me, her eyes were filled with unshed tears, and I leaned in to kiss her. “I don’t want her. I want you.”
We remained where we were, me holding her against me, gently rocking from side to side. I could feel her settling in and allowing me to keep her close. “I need you to believe me. I need you to let me love you.”
Fuck, I’d never felt so drained in my life.
“Is everything okay, Rhett?” The sound of my mother’s voice echoed across the yard.
“Yeah,” I hollered out, still holding AJ close, “it’s good, Ma.”
I felt AJ once again tug against me, but I wasn’t quite ready to let go of her. Part of me was terrified that the moment I did, she’d walk away.
“Please don’t go,” I whispered.
“I think I need to.” I felt like my heart was fucking breaking. “I just need some space.”
“Why?” I squeezed her tighter to me and buried my face in her hair, breathing her in. “Whatever you need, you can have it here. I’ll leave, or I’ll sleep on the couch, but please stay.”
“I can’t.” She looked up at me. “I need you to know.”
“Know?”
“That it’s really me that you want.” I throw my hands in the air in frustration and immediately recognized my mistake as she stepped back. “You say now that it is, but it was easy for you to make that choice when she was thousands of miles away. Now she’s here, and I know that if I give in now and accept that it’s me you want, I’ll be left to always wonder.”
I felt like there was something she wasn’t telling me.
“I love you, Rhett,” she whispered as she stepped back, and I stepped forward to keep her from getting too far away.
“Why do I feel like this is you telling me goodbye?”
“I’m just saying good night.” Though she offered me a smile, I knew it was forced. I’d been given her smile so many times, I knew the difference between genuine and fake.
AJ began to turn, and on instinct I reached out and grabbed for her, only managing to make contact with the bag that hung on her shoulder. It slid down her arm and she tried to stop it, but before she could, part of the contents spilled to the garage floor.
She scrambled to gather everything she could, her hands shaking in the process. I had that frozen-in-time experience as I stared ahead at one item in particular. A long, narrow box opened on one end, tucked just beneath the front tire of my truck. I was so lost in that moment that I didn’t even attempt to stop her when she hurried away. It was the sound of her car starting and
