“So, you slept with someone else for an ego boost?” I asked.
“Yeah, if that’s the way you want to look at it. I needed someone to want me, and she was there.”
I glanced away, unable to look at him anymore. Not because he had slept with another woman, but because I was ashamed that I had pushed him into feeling like that. How long had he been feeling that way? How long had I been making him feel like he was nothing?
“Florrie, I know this doesn’t mean anything to you, but when I…after I slept with her, I knew it was the stupidest thing I could have ever done.”
“Why do people say that?” I snapped. “Of course you knew it was stupid after. If you had thought about what you were doing before and thought, this is a stupid idea, you wouldn’t have done it!”
“Because in that moment, I wasn’t thinking! I just wanted something to dull the pain. I wanted someone to fucking want me! Do you know what it was like to walk around for months with you berating me in front of all our coworkers? And some were on your side, and others looked at me and wondered why the fuck I was putting up with you constantly saying that shit to me in front of everyone else. And you know what I told them? I said that you were hurting and you needed an outlet. And I knew that I had let you down, so if you needed to take it out on me, I would be there to fucking take it until you felt like you could forgive me, because I knew we would eventually get past it.”
“Until you decided you’d had enough and you stuck your dick in another woman!”
“Because you wouldn’t let me in! How much am I supposed to take, Florrie? How much shit am I supposed to let you hurl at me before I finally walk away? You said you didn’t want me. You said I didn’t fucking matter to you! Well, guess what? I finally believed it. I told myself all along that you didn’t mean it, but I saw it in your eyes that night. You wanted me gone. You didn’t want me there anymore. You were practically begging me to walk out that door and never come back!”
We were in a stand-off, neither of us knowing where to go from here. It seemed like no matter how much we tried to move past our issues, they always reared their ugly heads again. With the way things were going, I just couldn’t see how we would ever get past all this and be in a place where we could look at each other the way we used to.
“I have some homework for the two of you tonight, and every night until our next session. I want the two of you to start working toward being comfortable around each other again. So, before you go to bed tonight, I want each of you to tell each other one positive thing that you need the other to know. After you’re done, I want you to hold each other for five minutes.”
“You want me to let him hold me,” I said slowly. “After his hands were on another woman.”
She looked to me and quirked her head to the side. “He needs to be able to show you affection in some way, and since touching of any other kind is out of the question, we’re going to start with hugging. He needs to hold you and comfort you, and you need to learn to accept that from him. At the same time, Alec, you broke her trust, and her letting you hold her is putting a great leap of faith that you’re going to protect her heart. Now, it might be awkward at first, but the point is to move forward. Is that something you think you can both do?”
CHAPTER FORTY-THREEAlec
She was dressed in flannel pajamas and a long-sleeved t-shirt. Everything about her was screaming Do Not Touch. She thought that dressing like that would protect her from me, but she should have known better. She looked just as sexy dressed like this as she did in the skimpiest outfit in her closet. But this wasn’t about sex, and if I ever hoped to sleep in the same bed with her again, I had to respect that and take what I could get tonight. That didn’t mean that I had to play fair. I left my shirt off and wore a pair of low-slung pajama pants so that she still had to look at me and feel my skin under her fingers.
“You’re the strongest woman I know,” I said, kicking things off.
She pursed her lips at me, crossing her arms over her chest. “You’re the most stubborn man I know.”
“That doesn’t sound very positive.”
“Well, I guess it’s good that you’re stubborn or you would have lost me a long time ago.”
I smirked and walked over to her, pulling her into my arms. “Well, I guess I’ll take that as a compliment.”
She was tense and I knew she hated every minute of it. I ran my hand slowly up and down her back and felt her loosen up just a little. Her nails dug into my back, but I knew it wasn’t out of lust. She was angry with me for making her do this. I didn’t even flinch when I felt the first scratch. She could make me bleed and I would take it. I deserved it. Hell, I would let her claw up my whole body if it made her feel better, because at least she was still in my arms. I knew that if
