“You’re right. Just forget it,” I say, looking back down at my paper.
“Nova.”
I don’t look up.
“I didn’t mean to disregard your past.”
“It’s fine,” I say, still staring at the paper but not seeing any of the problems.
He blows out a breath, then leans across the table. “I want you more than I can explain. I see you in class and remember what your skin felt like under my touch. I see you smile at people in class and think back to that night in the bar when you kept aiming that bright, beautiful smile in my direction. When I see you, I remember the night we shared together and how for the first time in a long time, I wanted more.”
I finally bring my head up and get lost in his eyes as he looks at me with such sincerity.
“There’s something about you,” he whispers. “It’s like I know I could be happy again.” He shakes his head. “But you’re my student, and you’re so young, and you deserve more than to be my dirty little secret.”
19
She looks at me with such emotion. Her lips part in shock, and her wide, soulful eyes are staring into mine. They’re full of wonder and surprise, and both joy and sadness. I know what I told her may not be fair. Because in the same vein it’s giving her hope while also taking it away. I’ve admitted my feelings and then told her nothing will ever come of them.
“I’m gonna go,” I say, gathering my things.
“No,” she replies, reaching out for my hand before quickly snatching it back. “Please stay.”
“It’s better if I don’t.”
“Why?”
I stop what I’m doing and let my eyes roam over her face. “Because all I want to do when I look at you is pull you into one of those private study rooms and take advantage of you.”
She bites down on her lip. “You wouldn’t be taking advantage.”
“I’m your professor. It’s an abuse of power.”
“I’m still a woman,” she states. “I’m not a child, and I don’t have a problem telling anybody no. What you don’t get is that I want you to do all the dirty things that are running through your mind.” She lowers her voice. “I want you to fuck me in the study rooms, in your office, or in the classroom. I want it all.”
My cock twitches at the same time I let out a low groan. “You’re making it hard—”
“Am I?” she questions flirtatiously, cutting me off.
I pin her with a look and she presses her lips together, fighting off a grin.
“You’re making it hard to be responsible, to follow the rules.”
“I hear there’s multiple professors sleeping with students.”
My eyes widen. “Who said that?”
“Like, half the student body. Everyone hears rumors.”
With a sigh, I say, “And that’s exactly why I cannot do this. I don’t need rumors to be going around about me.”
She huffs, her body going rigid. “Okay. I get it. I won’t bother you anymore. I won’t talk to you unless it’s about class. I won’t flirt. I’ll let my hopes go, and you won’t have anything to worry about.” She collects her belongings and stands up. “But when I start dating, you better not have one single thing to say about it, because this is what you want. I appreciate what you had to say earlier, but I’d be your dirty little secret if it meant being able to spend time with you.”
She storms off, leaving me to think about whether I did the right thing or not.
On the surface, yes, I did. There are legit reasons why we can’t be together, but, I can’t help but wonder if I’m doing the right thing for me. Not me, the professor, but just me, Elijah. What if there’s potential for much more than a one-night stand? I’ll never really know. God, I wish I had my mom or dad here to talk to about these things. They were always so easy to talk to, and never judgmental.
Maybe I’ll talk to my brothers on Sunday when we have dinner. Maybe it’s time to be honest and seek their advice or opinions. I’m just so used to being the person people come to, that it feels weird being the one who needs someone.
* * *
After the abrupt ending of my tutoring session with Nova, I decide to pack up and head to Antoni’s to grab a pizza for dinner since I’m in no mood to cook tonight.
While sitting on a stool and gazing out of the front window, I spot Midge’s mom, Barbara Halcomb, walking past the storefront. When she notices me, she gives me a wide smile and wave then decides to enter the store.
“Hey, Elijah, how are you?” she asks, giving me a hug before taking a seat next to me.
“Oh, you know, pretty much the same,” I respond. “Waiting for dinner.”
She puts on her serious mom face. “You’re not going back to that again, are you?” Her smile lets me know she’s joking, but I definitely remember the intervention she had with me all those years ago.
I chuckle. “No, it’s a rarity. Just not in the cooking mood tonight.”
She touches my arm. “I’m just messing with you. Lord knows I order Chinese food more often than I should.”
“Well, I still make sure Cillian and Royce come to my house once a week for a good meal. I can’t control what they eat anymore, but I at least make sure they eat well one night a week,” I say with a laugh. “Plus, they have women in their lives now, so I’m sure they’re well taken care of.”
Barbara throws her head back and laughs. “Midge might be a bad influence on Cillian. I’m always telling her to stop going to fast food places. Maybe he’ll rub off on her and not the other way around.” I grin at her and she continues. “So, looks like two of the four Kingston boys
