I don’t want to take that away from her. She should still have those experiences if that’s what she wants, but it’s nothing I’m interested in. Would I do it for her? Yes, of course. But she hasn’t really voiced her opinion on it yet.
We have two weeks, and the plane ticket prices are only getting higher the longer we wait. I decide to give her a call tonight to see if we can figure this thing out.
Our daily phone calls have dwindled a little bit. They don’t happen as often as they used to, and they don’t last for hours anymore. She’s always busy or ready to fall asleep by the time eleven o’clock comes around, and I’ve been busy with work as well. I’m not going to lie. It doesn’t give me the best feeling.
We’ve been separated for four and a half months, and we still don’t know what we’re doing. Last time I was there we tried to have a conversation about the future, but it didn’t get very far. And now I feel like Nova’s pulling away from me. Because she hasn’t set a date for me to go down there or for her to come here, I’m wondering if she wants to do it all. Maybe she’s ready for this to end.
With that thought in mind, I snatch up my phone and call her. I have to know what’s going on.
It rings four times before she picks up. “Hey,” she greets, out of breath.
“Hey, you busy?”
She grunts. “Yeah. Sorry. I’m at work, and then I gotta go home and submit my homework before midnight. Can I call you later?”
“Yeah, sure.”
“Okay.” There’s a pause, like she isn’t sure if she wants to say more, but she settles on, “Bye.”
I’m met with silence before I can say goodbye, and an ache in my chest begins to form. Charles M. Schulz said it best—Absence makes the heart grow fonder, but it sure makes the rest of you lonely.
Every day I’m not with Nova makes me look forward to seeing her again. I envision us reuniting and being able to spend every day together. I think about all the things we could do, and how great it’s going to feel to be able to see her face, hold her hand, and kiss her lips.
But the wait is a fucking pain in the ass, especially when you don’t know the end date. How long am I waiting for? When will I be able to stop dreaming about it and have it actually happen? I’ve been single for a long time, and then I was graced with her presence for a short period before being left alone again. It’s lonely in this house, and I’m starting to go crazy thinking I’ll never see her again.
Could I pack up my life and move to Florida?
Hours go by before my phone rings.
“Hello?”
“Hey,” Nova breathes down the line. “How are you?”
“I’m okay. You?”
“Just okay?” she questions.
I sigh. “Yeah. I’m fine.” I stretch out in the bed, groaning in the process. “How about you? How was your day?”
“Ugh. Busy. I worked an early shift as hostess, then I was off for about three hours, so I used that time to do homework, then I went back to work to close, this time working as a waitress. I swear to Jesus I better get a good paying job with this damn degree, because I’m working my ass off for very little money. Florida is expensive. I miss my job at the library.”
I hold my breath, trying not to allow this comment to give me too much hope. Gaspar is a small town, and it’s not an expensive place to live. Money stretches way more here than it could in Tampa.
“I think the library misses you, too. They hired someone else, but Annie is always getting onto her about talking on her phone.”
Nova laughs. “Miss Annie doesn’t play around.”
“No, she doesn’t,” I say with my own chuckle.
“So, spring break.” She leaves it out there, dangling, and I’m not sure what to expect next. “I have a few friends who invited me to go to Key West with them.”
Silence.
One second.
Two seconds.
Three seconds.
Four seconds.
Five seconds.
“Oh. Okay.” I draw out the second word a little, confused.
“Yeah, umm, I didn’t really want to go. But my sister thinks I should take a few days to just relax and stop worrying about work and school.”
I don’t mention that she could’ve done that with me; she seems to have made up her mind.
“Okay.”
“I know Ohio schools get out next month. Maybe we can get together then.”
“Next month. Sure.”
“I’m sorry, Elijah. I just don’t really ever hang out with my friends anymore. I don’t have time to do anything, really. I want to see you, but…” she trails off. “I don’t know. I feel like shit.”
As frustrated as I am, I still try to comfort her. “Hey, it’s okay. I get it. You have fun. We’ll see each other again.”
“Are you sure you’re okay with it?”
“Yeah. It’s fine. I’m gonna go to sleep now, though. I have to get up early tomorrow.”
“Oh okay. Yeah. Talk to you later.”
“Bye, Nova.”
I don’t end up going to sleep, though. I’m up for hours, both upset and confused. Our time together comes so infrequently, so I don’t know why she’s willing to put it off another month and a half.
Like I thought before, Nova’s withdrawing, and I don’t know how to deal with that.
53
“I feel like shit.”
“Why are
