“I would not leave him behind for them to abuse. That is all that occurred between us.”
“But—you held his hand in the carriage.” Sebastian insisted.
“He took my hand. Euan has always taken whatever he wants. I had never even kissed a boy before Euan climbed into my bed in our halls and had his way with me. He takes until he gets his fill and then moves on. When I was younger and infatuated with him, yes, I wanted more. I wanted him to love me as much as I thought I loved him, but Euan never loved me. I was convenient until I became an inconvenience. He seduced me at Dunecht Hall because I was convenient again. He wanted something so badly that my love for him became a tool.”
“You were with Euan at the hall? I don’t understand?”
“Euan Ardmillan is not only in debt up to his eyeballs, he is impotent!”
“What?” I saw his surprise in eyes bathed in firelight.
“Euan wanted to use the Staff of Asklepios with me to restore his virility. I do not know the in’s and out’s of it, but the scrolls that were in the box with the Staff include a sexual rite. Apparently, one of the stipulations is that those who use the magic of the Staff must know each other's hearts. That is the key to the magic—Love. Euan believes I am the only man who truly knew his heart, the only man who truly loved him, and so my love was to be used to give him back his damnable cockstand.” I said in a whisper of barely repressed outrage
It was Sebastian’s turn to be stunned into silence.
“He’d plotted to use me and then bestow the Staff upon his adored Brothers. Together with Leopold as the beloved conduit, they could use the Staff and its magic. Euan was blamed for the theft of the Staff and the cabal saw its loss as his betrayal.”
“Oh dear!” Cavell exhaled. His eyes were fixed on where our warm hands joined, and he looked shamefaced and embarrassed.
“It appears I’ve behaved like a complete fool!” He conceded.
“I thought you were preparing to end our…arrangement—” I admitted.
Sebastian’s eyes shot up to meet mine. There was fire in those golden hazel eyes. “No! Never!” Sebastian seemed astonished as he said, “Do you not understand what our arrangement means to me—what you mean to me?”
The eye contact between us was full of promise and desire. I could not look away.
“I was a dead man walking before I met you,” I admitted in a small voice. “These past weeks of companionship have given me life, Sebastian. I need you to understand…I hold you in the highest possible regard.” My voice was passionate and shaky as I unburdened my heart. I had not said those words—meant those words in so very long. The awareness of their true meaning hit me, like brushing the cobwebs from a window to see dazzling sunlight.
“I think… I think…I might be falling in love with you.” I felt Sebastian’s shudder run through where our hands clasped.
“But…I am an undeserving thief, and you are far too good a soul for the likes of me.” He said in disbelief.
“Let me be the judge of that! I can see past the disguises and the acts of derring-do. You are a brilliant, intelligent man, and you have shown me such thoughtfulness, and affection. The hours I’ve spent alone with you—” I paused seeking the courage to go on, for I had never expressed myself so completely to a paramour.
“Those times are my most treasured memories. Do you understand? It’s you I think of each night before I sleep. It is you, and not Euan Ardmillan.” I clutched Sebastian’s hands tighter.
“He never made me feel the way you make me feel. To Euan, I was needy and wrong for caring about him. You, my dear, dear Sebastian have taught me what it is like… to be loved.”
Sebastian brought my trembling hands to his mouth and laid soft, warm, kisses on my fingers. I unclasped my hands and reached up to grip his clean-shaven face. I looked at him, wide-eyed and wondrous. How could this handsome devil be mine? I pulled Sebastian to meet my hungry lips. Our kiss was so passionate it felt like the heat we generated would lay waste to the land around us. I burned for Sebastian and he burned for me.
Sebastian fisted his fingers in my inky curls, dragged my head back to expose my throat, and devour me.
“Christ, I love you Benedict, love you, love you, love you—” Sebastian sighed out those velvet words between each kiss, nip, and lick. I was startled by his fervor and by my body’s response—my prick rigid and standing to attention in my pyjamas in the space of a breath. Other parts of my body were not so responsive. I was still on my knees and they ached abominably, distracting me from surrendering to Sebastian’s attention completely.
“Wait!” I said gently as I pulled away. “I am an old man, and I fear my knees will crumble if I kneel any longer”, Sebastian rested his brow on my shoulder and huffed out a laugh. He looked up his eyes full of mirth and affection.
“To the bed?” He suggested.
“No,” I whispered. “I have allowed a snake into my home and I do not trust he is not listening this very moment.” I leaned my palms on Sebastian’s thighs and levered myself up from the floor. I noted then that he wore silky garments of the purest black. They clung to his form outlining his musculature. This outfit must be his sneak thief uniform. I imagined that on the street he could be at one with the shadows and remain unseen.
I put a finger to his
