Hold Her Down

just say yes.She always had to know the details and then would make her decisionbased on whether it was something of value to Agnes. And the excuseof "getting a break" was not an acceptable excuse. After all, asAgnes frequently reminded Elizabeth, she never got a break whenElizabeth was growing up. Elizabeth had tried reminding her motherat one point that Agnes did not return to work until Elizabeth wasseven years old. Agnes had been a stay-at-home-mom for sixteenyears. She had never had to manage a career and young children atthe same time.

"Susan invited me out for thenight."

"I didn’t know that," Agnes said indignantly.Agnes always appeared to take offense when Elizabeth had plans forherself or the family. Even if one of the kids were invited to abirthday party, Agnes reacted as if she had been personallysnubbed.

"Anyway, she's having some home party andthinks I should stay overnight because she lives almost two hoursaway."

"You know how I feel aboutsleepovers."

Elizabeth bit her tongue. Her jaw throbbed. Ifshe wanted to get away, she could not afford to piss her motheroff. "Mother, I am thirty-four years old. I think it is much moreresponsible to stay overnight than drive about two hours throughthe mountains after a long work week and a glass or two ofwine."

"Why do you always have to drink?"

Elizabeth silently counted to ten. Twice. "Ijust assume there might be wine. It's not like I'm going to go on abender. It's just, Peter's been gone for two weeks, andI—"

Agnes interjected sarcastically, "I know, youneed a break. That's the problem with your generation, alwaysfeeling entitled, acting and not wanting to takeresponsibility."

Elizabeth, hackles up, quickly cut in. Herlunch break was running out and she needed to get back into theclassroom. "No, I haven't seen Susan in more than two years, andPeter's been gone, and he won’t be back until next week. With histraveling, I'm not sure when I would have this chance again.Remember when Nina moved away?"

"Yes, of course. How could I forget? She was mybest friend since high school. What does that have to do withanything?"

"Think about how much you miss Nina. I missSusan the same way, and would love this chance to catch up withher. Plus, you haven't seen Teddy or Syd in two weeks. It would begreat to hang out with them. They don't have anything scheduled onSaturday morning for once, so you can relax, sleep in, and not haveto rush out."

"I guess. You just know how tired I am by theend of the week."

Yup, Elizabeth thought. Her mother was tired.Elizabeth was thirty-four-years-old and was so weary she wasn'tsure she'd make it through the day. Elizabeth prayed silently whileher mother kept her dangling.

"Okay, I guess I can take the kids. When willyou drop them off?"

"I was kind of hoping that you could pick themup from school at 3:30, so that I could get on the road. It’salmost two hours up there, not counting after-school traffic, and Iwant to get up there before it gets dark."

Agnes sighed. "You know that means I'll have totake an hour off of work, don't you?"

"I'm pretty sure you have the time banked,don't you?"

"You know I'm saving the time in case somethinghappens and I need to take lots of time off. But I guess I can workthrough lunch and then be out to pick the kids up. Whattime?"

"3:30." The same as it had been for the lasttwo years.

"So when will you be back? I'll bring them byyour house around two on Saturday." Elizabeth shook her head. Shejust couldn't seem to get a break. She had hoped her mother wouldoffer to take the kids for two nights and give her some time toherself. Now she would have to rush back from Susan's. At least itwas a small break. She supposed she should be thankful for anyscrap of relief that was tossed her way.

"Fine, I'll be back by then. Thanks,Mom."

Her mother hung up without saying good-bye,which was her normal. Her phone manners were brusque and lacking.Elizabeth was not sure how she did her job with those phone skills,but she had worked for the same agent for twenty-seven years now.Either the agent was fine with the job she did, or was too scaredof Agnes to fire her. Elizabeth thought it was probably thelatter.

Growing up under the careful eye of Agnes wasno easy feat. Elizabeth was a surprise child for Agnes and Thomas.She had an older brother, who apparently never did any wrong. Hewas nine years older than Elizabeth and had moved out when hejoined the service at the age of eighteen. Elizabeth heard from hima few times each year, but it was better now that there was e-mailand Facebook. He had enlisted straight out of high school but wasrecommended for Officer's Training School, and had made a careerout of the Air Force. Now in his mid-forties, he had circled theglobe several times without settling down, like the subject of aJimmy Buffet song. He never came home for longer than a few days ata time. Agnes worried herself sick about the life that T.J. wasliving, and, as a result, attempted to manage every single iota ofElizabeth's life.

Elizabeth resented the control, and strainedagainst the tight reins her mother held. As a child, she wasstubborn. Her mother's strategy for management was to knockElizabeth down a peg or two or ten, so that she had no belief inherself. By the time Elizabeth made it through the awkward teenyears, she was shy and reserved, and barely possessed enoughconfidence to walk into a room with a friend, let alone by herself.After Elizabeth's heart was broken for the first time, she wouldhave sworn that Agnes was secretly delighted. She never letElizabeth forget how bad her taste in boys was and, as a result,how poorly she had been treated. In college, she took to bingedrinking (although she just called it being social) to help hercome out of her shell. Predictably, drinking was not a terriblysuccessful strategy in helping Elizabeth feel good about herself.Sloppy drunk kisses and a few one-night stands did not do a lot toconvince Elizabeth that she was special and worthwhile.