Ugh.
I groaned into my sleeve. “Whatever you’re going to say next—I know. Trust me, I know.” I moved my arm away so I could peer up at her. “I hate myself right now, okay?”
She rolled her eyes and pushed my legs off the bed so she could sit beside me. “No. Not okay. You may have been the idiot of the century, but you shouldn’t hate yourself.” She paused and then added with a mutter. “I don’t hate you.”
I gave a huff of amusement at her resentful tone. Even angry, she was too good to me. Always the nice one, that was my best friend. “Rose hates me.”
She arched her brows. “With good reason.”
“Agreed,” I said with a sigh. “I really blew it. I should never have accepted that challenge.” I shook my head and stared up at the ceiling, Simone’s silence bringing up all the guilt I’d been attempting to ignore. “I didn’t know that Rose isn’t as shallow as she acts. I mean, how could I have known?”
Her continued silence made me feel like I was in a confessional, and the fact that I was staring up at the ceiling made it even easier to purge all these thoughts that were eating away at me. “Or maybe…” I swallowed. “Maybe I didn’t want to know that because it was easier to hate her. To write her off rather than deal with the fact that she didn’t like me back.” I shook my head as the reality of it hit me upside the head. “This stupid challenge was just my pride talking because I was still hurt that she’d dumped me like that.”
Simone mumbled something that sounded like, “Now he gets it,” as she patted my knee like I was a child.
A question that had been plaguing me for the past few hours surfaced again. “How do you think she found out?”
Before Simone could respond, I said, “I bet it was Ryan. He probably told Rose as soon as I agreed to it out of spite and to make sure I didn’t win. Or maybe it was his friend—”
“It was me.”
I stared at her. “What?”
She pressed her lips together in a stubborn scowl as she crossed her arms. “Don’t expect an apology. I did what I thought was right. If my best friend is going to mess with a girl for money, you’d better believe I’m going to warn her.”
I stared at her in shock until she squirmed. “What?” she snapped. “You might be my best friend, but—no, scratch that. Because you’re my best friend I didn’t want to see you do something you’d regret.”
I sighed because…she was right. Again. I had no high horse to stand on. I’d done a jerk move by taking Ryan’s bait. I’d been no better than him and all because I’d been jealous. Possessive. Hurt that she’d ever dumped me.
I groaned again as I ran a hand over my face. I was so messed up. How had I not realized how messed up I was?
“I told you someone would get hurt,” Simone said, her voice a weird mix of sympathy and self-righteous belligerence. She had told me that…and she’d been right.
Like always.
I hurt. Like…physically, I was in pain. It wasn’t just embarrassment and hurt pride. It was more than that. My chest ached and my gut felt hollow. I had this horrible sensation churning inside me—
Regret.
That’s what it was.
It was the feeling that I’d come close to having something great and I’d blown it. I’d just discovered the one thing my life was missing, the one person who might be something more than just a fling or a hookup, the one person who…I might actually care about.
And I realized it too late.
Simone’s gaze was filled with worry so I forced a wan smile as I turned my head to face her. “I did get hurt, but I’ll live.”
“Actually, this time I was talking about Rose.”
“Oh.” I shifted, sitting upright. “She’s not hurt. She’s pissed. There’s a difference.”
I saw her gaping in utter disbelief. “What?”
She shook her head as if I was too dumb for words. It was a look I knew well. We went back a long time, and she’d always seen me as an idiot. Today, for once, I tended to agree with her assessment.
“Do you still not get it?” she snapped.
“Get what?”
“The girl has feelings.”
“I know,” I said, aggravation leaking into my voice. “She’s pissed. I get it. I’d be angry too.”
“She’s only pissed because she’s hurt. Jeez, Jax…” She shook her head. “Are all guys this out of touch with human emotions or is it just you?”
I shifted uncomfortably. I’d known I’d made Rose angry, but it hadn’t occurred to me that she’d been hurt.
Another wave of regret hit me square in the gut, and this round was even worse. I could barely breathe as I realized that I might have actually hurt her.
Simone was staring at me like she expected a response.
“I’m not out of touch with my emotions,” I said stiffly. “I just didn’t think…I didn’t know…”
“You didn’t know that there was more to Rose than she lets on?” she guessed. “You didn’t realize that she’s an actual person and not just some smiling doll for you and your friends to treat like a freakin’ prize?”
I shook my head. I think I’d always known that there was more to her than the flirty smiles and the look-at-me charisma—that was why it annoyed me so much to watch her these past two years. I knew it was fake. It drove me nuts to watch her prance through the halls putting on an act when I’d gotten a peek at the amazing girl beneath it all.
“I didn’t know…” My mouth went dry as I realized the truth. “I didn’t know how much I liked her.”
Simone and I sat in silence as I tried to wrap my head around this new realization.
It was a weird feeling, looking at the past two years of
