“Would you like to go camping with Ashley and Jamie? They’re going to Grand Lake for a few days.”
A smile lit his daughter’s face. “Yes!”
“Just as I thought,” Slade said to Brad.
“It’s my turn. Get off,” Ashley shouted.
Brad surged to his feet. “Better take care of this before war is declared.”
Slade patted the chair that Brad had vacated. “Come sit by me. Are you enjoying Ashley and Jamie’s visit?”
Mindy came toward the lounge chair, her foot dragging more than usual. “Yes. They—are—uh—fun.” She scooted back until her feet dangled over the edge. “Dad-dy, can—I ask—you—some-thing?”
“Sure, anything.”
She clasped her hands together in her lap and studied them. “I—want—to—” she drew in a gulp of air “—call Tor-ee—Mom. Is—that—kay?” She swung her large gaze to his.
Okay? There was a part of him that was thrilled she wanted to call Tory Mom. But there was a part—where his guilt lay buried—that wanted to say no. Words crowded his throat, closing it.
Mindy’s eyes grew round. “I—won’t—if—you—don’t—want me to.”
Slade fought to keep his expression neutral while he brought his reeling emotions under control. His guilt affected so many aspects of his life. He needed to come to terms with it before it destroyed what was good in his life—Mindy and Tory. He wanted them to be a family. There was nothing else he could say but, “Honey, whatever you want is fine with me.”
“I—love—Mom-my. But—I—love—Tor-ee, too.”
He clasped his daughter’s hands between his. “I know. You can love more than one person. Your life is always richer with people you care in it.”
“Is—that—why—you—uh—uh—” Mindy pinched her lips together “—mar-ried—Tor-ee?”
“Tory is important to us both,” he said, aware that Brad and his two children were walking toward them. When they came up the steps, Slade stood. “Tell Tory I needed to check on something down at the barn.”
“But the pizza is—”
Slade strode from the deck and around the house, realizing his sudden disappearance would seem strange. But he had to be alone, at least for a few minutes while he put himself back together. His emotions lay frayed, the past few days having taken their toll on him.
He sought the quiet and coolness of the barn, walking to the far end. Leaning against the opening, he stared at the pasture beyond. One chestnut mare with her colt chewed on the grass on the other side of the fence. The sun had vanished behind the line of trees, bringing shadows to the landscape. The scent of earth, hay and horses swirled about him. A cardinal and its mate flew overhead and perched in the maple tree near the building. Serenity was all around him, and yet inside his emotions roiled, churning his stomach.
Tory was right. His guilt was ruling his life. That had to change if their marriage would ever have a chance. Was the Lord the answer? He’d never been good at praying, asking for what he needed. Was that why his prayers after the accident had gone unanswered?
“Slade, is there something wrong?”
He pivoted toward the sound of Tory’s worried voice. She walked toward him, concern in her eyes. “No,” he answered. But when he continued to look at her, he said, “Yes. Why are you here?”
“I know how much you like pizza, and when you didn’t come in for dinner, I knew something was wrong. Brad told me you came down here. I thought maybe something happened that I needed to check on, too.”
He gestured to the area around him. “Everything’s fine.”
She came within a few feet of him. “Then Mindy must have asked you.”
Surprised at how perceptive Tory could be, Slade turned away from her, not wanting her to read all his doubts in his expression. “Yes, she did.”
“Is it okay?”
“I should ask you that question.”
“Of course, it’s okay. I love Mindy like a daughter.”
The muscles in his shoulders and neck ached from holding himself so tense. “Then it’s okay with me. I told Mindy it was up to her.”
“But it bothers you?”
The waver in her question pierced his armor. He whirled about, needing to clarify his feelings not only to Tory but himself. “I was a little surprised, that’s all. When I married you, I wanted us to become a family, but—”
“But you feel as though you’ve betrayed Carol?”
He nodded, his throat so tight he didn’t think he could say one word.
“One of the things I like about you is your loyalty. Carol was your wife for seven years. You loved her. I don’t expect those feelings to go away. We entered into this marriage for Mindy. We both love her.” She took a step toward him. “It’s okay, Slade, to continue living, to enjoy life. I’ll keep some pizza for you. Come up whenever you’re ready. I’ll make sure no one bothers you until then.”
He watched her walk away, her head held high, her shoulders back. He’d hurt her. Even though her expression hadn’t shown it, he could tell by the dullness in her eyes. That had been the last thing he’d wanted to do. He couldn’t continue like this.
Turning toward the pasture, he strode to the fence and climbed over it. In the field among the wildflowers, he slowly went around in a circle, taking in all the marvels of nature. God was everywhere. He needed God back in his life. He needed peace again.
He fell to his knees and bowed his head. Dear Lord, please help me to overcome this guilt I feel for surviving when Carol didn’t, when Mindy came away hurt. Please help me to move on in my life and to put the past behind me. I need to for Mindy’s and Tory’s sakes, but mostly for my own. In Jesus Christ, amen.
* * *
“What’s that sound?” Judy asked as she placed the last plate into the dishwasher.
“We have skunks under the house. They’re fighting. Probably the male wants to move and the female wants to stay put.” Tory dried her hands on the towel looped around the handle on the refrigerator.
“Skunks! When did this happen?”
“I’m
