He flashed amelancholy smile at her thoughtful expression. “You’re tooperceptive, too smart. Which makes you even more dangerous. You’reunlike anyone I’ve met before and I don’t know how to keep you outof my heart. All I know is I’m tired, and I don’t want to talkabout this anymore.”
“Just answer me one more question so I understand.” When henodded, she continued. “Do you like being held or not. Are youafraid of being held?”
He slowly shook his head and took a deep breath for courage.“I don’t like it.I love it.” His voice came out a mere whisper but she held ontoevery single word. “I crave it. Can’t get enough of it. It’s what Iwant more than anything. It’s why I fight the urge to give intoit.” The entire time he spoke, he stroked his fingers through thestrands of her dark hair. “I’m not afraid of being touched or held.I’m afraid of getting accustomed to it, addicted, knowing I’ll bewithout it soon after.”
She let hiswords sink in before asking her next question. “So then, is thebondage thing just to keep me from holding you? Because you thinkyou might get used to it and you’re afraid of not having it later?If I decide to leave you?”
“When… not if you decide to leave. It’s all just a matter oftime,” he whispered with a smile of surrender. She was tired andstarting to drift off. It didn’t surprise him. He had a way ofwearing people out. “Smart girl, you’ve almost figured me out. Butit’s more than that. Besides finding bondage sexy as fuck, there isanother reason of which I’m completely aware.”
“What’s the reason?” she murmured sleepily.
“To keep you from leaving me,” he explained.
“Ohh… but…”
Once again, hecupped his hand over her mouth. “See, I love the control, thesecurity I have during that moment. I feel I can let my guard downwithout the fear of abandonment hanging over my head.” He slowingwithdrew his hand from her lips. “Crazy, I know.”
“It’s not crazy at all,” Gwen murmured. “It makes a lot ofsense.”
“I suppose… so there you have it. I’ve opened up my deepest,darkest fears to you. You have my messed up heart and soul on asilver platter. Do with them what you will.”
“You have a beautiful heart, Crispin. And a lovely soul.” Shenestled into him further, so relaxed was she.
“Right, we’ll see about that when you wake up in the morning.”Sure enough, she would wake up and realize he wasn’t worth thebother. “Once the wine buzz clears and reality comes crashingthrough this fictional fantasy of yours, you’ll see me for who Ireally am.” When he paused to look at her, he smiled and chuckledlightly. She had fallen asleep, just like that, no cares in theworld. How much had she actually heard? Exhausted from havingspilled his guts, Crispin pulled the covers over them both anddrifted off as well.
Chapter 27
The next morning, Gwen woke up and found herself alone. Shesat up in a panic and checked the time. It was almost noon! Feelingawful and headachy from the wine, she got up and made her way intothe bathroom. Showering as quickly as she could despite thehangover, she scrambled to get ready. Where was Crispin? Would hehave gone off without her? Maybe he was upset from all he revealedlast night and needed to spend the day on his own. Even though hehad every right, she couldn’t help but be hurt by the idea that hewouldn’t have, at least, left a note. Ordid he? With that in mind, she wrapped atowel around herself and fled the bathroom.
At the verysame moment, the room door opened and she jumped, clasping hertowel. In walked Crispin, already impeccably dressed in black, hairperfectly wavy, carrying with him a little paper bag and two cupsof hot beverages on a tray.
“Hey, looks who’s up.” He greeted her with a half-smile. Unableto sleep, he had gotten up at the break of dawn, gotten dressed andhad ventured out for a long walk. He hadn’t gone too far. He hadalready stopped in twice. Finding her asleep both times, he hadbeen reluctant to wake her.
“Oh, Crispin, you scared me,” she said with relief.
“I can be quite scary.” He averted his eyes from herloveliness. “Sorry for startling you.” Assuming she would wantnothing to do with him after last night, he had already convincedhimself that their little love affair had come to an unwelcomeend.
“No, not you, exactly.” She giggled then held her head. “Ithought you might have taken off on me.”
At her words,he frowned and scoffed. “Listen here, young miss, I may be accusedof a lot of things. But I do not break promises or quit myresponsibilities, ever!”
“Crispin?”
“Gwen, just stop.” He held up his hand. “We have a deal, don’twe? I agreed to be your companion and that’s what I’ll do,” hesaid, glaring at her, his eyes roaming over her loveliness, fillingwith regret. “Oh, and forget the rest. Let’s just get through thistrip with some dignity.”
Unable to copewith his hurtful words and dark mood, Gwen sat on the edge of thebed and rubbed her temples.
After a momenthe turned to her. “Headache?” he asked after a taking a few calmingbreaths. When she nodded and continued to cling to her towel, hetook her tea and croissant and placed it on the night table. Hethen rummaged through his travel bag and returned with a couple ofpainkillers and sat beside her. “Take these, you’ll feelbetter.”
When she heldout her shaky little hand, he placed them in her palm and waitedwhile she took the pills and a soothing sip of tea. He counted thelittle beads of water still on her shoulders from her recentshower. His eyes took in the way the long chestnut waves curled upat the ends. Taking a deep breath, he took in her familiar sweetscent. Unable to resist, he tucked a strand of hair behind her earand caressed her cheek with his
