Olivia stood up and shook the pastor’s hand. They seemed to know each other rather well, and Sawyer watched them in idle curiosity.
“Where are the girls?” the pastor asked, looking around.
“They’re having a nap,” Olivia said.
“Oh, so I’ll keep it down then.” The pastor smiled. “Sawyer, how are you doing? This can’t be an easy time for you.”
“I’m okay,” Sawyer said. “I quite honestly don’t really remember much. I remember Mia’s funeral a little bit...”
“I was the one who performed the funeral,” the pastor said with a solemn nod. “And your wedding.”
“Yeah, Olivia just told me that.” Sawyer pulled the laundry basket off the couch and put it to the side. “Have a seat.”
The older man sat down, and his gaze moved between him and Olivia. “I wanted to see if there is anything I can do to help.”
“It’ll just take a bit of time,” Olivia said. “He’s getting a few memories back, but it’s slow.”
“That’s great. I’m glad to hear it.” Pastor Herschel nodded a couple of times. “Can I be honest, son?”
“Yeah, that would be preferable,” Sawyer replied.
“You weren’t a churchgoer, but your uncle is. I don’t want to mislead you here.”
“I was told that much,” Sawyer said. “What was my problem, then? Because my wife was a churchgoer, right? And my uncle still is... Olivia here seems to be.”
“You’ve been very angry,” the old man said. “With God. With church. You didn’t want anything to do with us.”
“So I wasn’t just busy,” Sawyer concluded. “A workaholic.”
“Well, you made yourself busy.” The pastor smiled. “You came to church on Christmas and Easter. You’d promised your wife you’d do that much. And you stared out a window the whole time.” The pastor paused. “You did send the girls to church with Lloyd and your cousin, Ellen.”
“I didn’t know that...”
“I came here today because your uncle thought I might be able to help. He asked me to come. When your memory comes back, I don’t want you to think that I took advantage of your condition. I’m telling you straight—you don’t like me much.”
“On a personal level?” Sawyer frowned.
“Oh, no, it’s not personal. I’m a minister. I stand for things that irritate you. And I don’t mind telling you that I’ve been praying for you by name for years.”
“What happened?” Sawyer asked with a frown. “Olivia mentioned that I was pretty anti-church. But why?”
“It was your dad’s death,” Olivia said quietly, and Sawyer turned toward her. “He passed away when you were only a teenager, and you missed him desperately. You hated the platitudes—you know, when people say that the person has gone to a better place, so we shouldn’t be sad, but should be happy for them. That sort of thing. That’s where it started. I guess there were a few older folks in the church who tried to take over and give you some guidance after your dad died, and it didn’t go well.”
“Oh...” Sawyer said, trying to dig back into his mind. But it was no use. He couldn’t remember any of this, and when he looked at the weather-worn pastor sitting awkwardly on the couch, he couldn’t even pull up any negative feelings. “Well, I guess that’s good to know...”
“I’ve come here today in good faith. I want to be here for you—for whatever you might need,” the pastor said slowly. “I understand that when you get your memory back, you’ll likely get back a lot of your old feelings toward the church. But right now, while you’re trying to remember it all, if there is anything I can do to help you, I want to do it.”
Sawyer looked around himself. What did he need? He had his family, and Olivia. He had his girls... There was no pressure for him to get back to work to pay bills since he was living with his uncle. What he needed was his memory, and the pastor couldn’t do much about that.
But when he looked over at Olivia sitting on that rocking chair, the sadness in her eyes that nothing seemed to touch... She needed more than just some cowboy telling off the idiots who insulted her—she needed healing of her own.
“There is something,” Sawyer said, clearing his throat. “Not for me—but for Olivia.”
Olivia’s gaze sharpened and she eyed him cautiously.
“Of course,” the pastor said. “What can I do?”
“This is all confidential, I presume?” Sawyer said.
“Absolutely.”
“She and her brother have been at odds for years, I understand,” Sawyer said slowly. “And it’s breaking her heart. She misses him a whole lot. If there were something you could do for her—that would mean a great deal to me.”
The pastor turned to Olivia, and color bloomed in her cheeks.
“It’s private,” she said with a quick shake of her head. “He has some strong feelings, and—”
“It’s delicate,” the pastor said.
“Yes. Very.”
“Everyone is a little delicate, Olivia,” the pastor said quietly.
Tears misted her eyes. “He doesn’t like me much anymore, Pastor. Too much water has passed under the bridge, I guess.”
“But he’s still your brother,” the pastor pressed.
“Yes.” Her chin trembled ever so slightly.
“And you want to fix things.”
She nodded. “I do. He’s not a Christian, though, and he’s not likely to respect you as a pastor. Just a warning.”
Pastor Herschel nodded twice. “Will you leave it with me? I’ll pray on it, and see where the Spirit leads.”
“Sure.” Olivia looked over at Sawyer, and past the tears in her eyes, he saw gratitude. Well, Sawyer wasn’t the only one who needed some help these days.
“Let’s pray together...” the pastor said, and he folded his hands.
As the pastor prayed—for reconciliation, for fresh starts, for forgiveness and blessings—Sawyer felt a weight lift off his shoulders.
Lord, I want to be a better man than I was before, he prayed in his heart. I want to be kinder, more present for my daughters. I want to be the man I should have been. Please, Lord, change me.
It was time to put all that bitterness that he couldn’t even remember into the past and to move
