‘Where would you like to sit?’ asks Justin.
‘Just over there,’ says Lauren, seeking out the quietest, darkest corner.
They sit down and look at each other for what feels like an interminable amount of time, as if disbelieving that they’re really here.
‘You haven’t changed one bit,’ says Justin eventually.
Lauren pictures the stretch marks streaking her stomach, the sagging breasts that he will remember being pert; both a testament to the three wonderful children she has denied exist. But it’s not just the physical changes Justin will be shocked by; it’ll be the parts of her he can’t see.
‘A lot has happened since,’ is all she says, before taking a long slug of her drink, desperate for the alcohol to numb her nerve endings.
‘Not a day has gone by when I haven’t thought about you,’ says Justin. ‘I’d tell myself, convince myself, that we were too young for it to ever work, but deep down I knew we were meant to be.’
‘You made the decision to end it,’ says Lauren quietly.
‘Only because that was clearly what you wanted,’ says Justin.
‘What I wanted?’ she says, a little too loudly.
‘Let’s not,’ says Justin, putting his hand on top of hers. ‘It all happened a long time ago, in another lifetime. Let’s concentrate on the future.’
‘But we’re different people now,’ says Lauren.
‘True, but who knows? Maybe we should be thankful for what we went through.’
‘Thankful?’ says Lauren.
‘Yes, because look where we ended up,’ says Justin enthusiastically. ‘Maybe we needed to go through all that we’ve been through, to go off and experience another life, to bring us back together again. It’s like starting over . . . we’ve been given a second chance.’
Lauren pictures Simon, Noah, Emmy and Jude, and thinks, If only you knew.
18
Kate
‘Kate!’ exclaims Rose, as she opens her front door. Kate has a key, but given what happened the last time she was here, it doesn’t feel appropriate to let herself in.
‘Mum,’ says Kate, nervously. ‘Look, I’m so sorry . . .’
‘What’s happened?’ says Rose, panic etched on her features. ‘Is it Lauren? Is she all right?’
‘Lauren?’ says Kate, confused. ‘What’s Lauren got to do with anything?’
Rose ushers her into the hall. ‘You were seeing her tonight – to sort things out. What happened?’
Kate shakes her head. ‘I was seeing Lauren? Since when?’
‘Well, that’s where she’s gone,’ says Rose, her voice high-pitched with rising panic. ‘She’s gone to meet you to talk about the whole mess with that girl and . . .’
It’s only then that Kate notices the brightly coloured paraphernalia that litters the hall carpet, leaving a trail into the front room. A sure sign that Lauren’s children are here.
‘Where’s Lauren now?’ she asks.
‘Out with you,’ shrills Rose.
‘But I was never meant to be meeting Lauren tonight,’ says Kate. ‘We haven’t spoken since I left here on Monday.’ She’d thought of calling her several times in the three days since, especially given the news that she was pregnant, but she and Matt had decided that they’d keep it to themselves, at least for a few weeks, or until they couldn’t hold it in anymore.
‘So where’s she gone then?’ asks Rose, her lips pursed in thought.
Kate shrugs her shoulders nonchalantly. ‘I don’t know, and anyway, I didn’t come here to talk about Lauren.’
Rose fixes her with a steely glare. ‘So, what did you come here for?’
Kate’s stomach turns as she wonders where she should start, the bravery she’d felt driving over here dissipating with every passing second.
‘I want to talk about Jess.’
Rose grimaces as if there’s a bad taste in her mouth. ‘I have nothing more to say.’
‘But we need to talk about it,’ says Kate. ‘Because if Lauren has her way, this isn’t going to go away.’
Rose’s face changes, as if she’s been hit by a sudden recollection. ‘That’s where she’ll be,’ she says abruptly. ‘She’ll have gone to see Jess.’
They may not be the closest of siblings, but the thought of Lauren playing sisters with someone else cuts Kate deep.
‘I knew she was up to something,’ continues Rose bitterly. ‘She was all dressed up, looking like she used to. She’s not made as much effort since before the kids.’ She tuts blithely. ‘She must take me for a fool.’
The realization that Lauren’s forging a strong bond with the same girl that she’s trying to cut loose makes Kate feel adrift without a paddle.
‘You know Jess isn’t Dad’s child, don’t you?’ asks Kate, without looking up. She counts as she waits for her mother to answer. She gets to twelve and wonders what the hell is taking her so long. ‘Don’t you?’ she presses.
‘I hope she isn’t,’ is all that Rose offers. ‘But the DNA seems hard to ignore.’
‘You can put an end to all this,’ says Kate. ‘You can tell Lauren that she’s got it all wrong. That Dad would never have done what she’s accusing him of . . .’
Rose shrugs her shoulders. ‘But how do we know? How will we ever know?’
‘Why wouldn’t you want to nip this in the bud, before it goes too far?’
‘I don’t know what you want me to do,’ says Rose.
Kate looks at her mother’s sorrowful face, her peachy complexion smooth, aside from a few expression lines that show the life she has lived has been full of love and laughter.
If she’s not going to do the right thing, Kate supposes that she’s going to have to force her hand. It feels wrong, but she’s given her mother enough chances to stop this.
‘Have you got any paracetamol?’ she says. ‘I’ve got a terrible headache.’
Kate knows where they’d usually be kept and prays that her mother doesn’t magic the tablets out of her handbag on the kitchen worktop.
‘I’ve got some in the medicine cabinet in the bathroom,’ says Rose, going to get up.
‘Don’t worry,’ says Kate, beating her to it. ‘I’ll go.’
The stairs that she’s run up and down a million times now feel like a crime scene. For some reason, she doesn’t even want to touch the bannister for
