as well. “Hey, I didn’t see you out there.”

He startled when he saw me and started moving toward the room, giving me a wide berth. “I went another way, a longer trail. We leave in an hour.”

Not a smile, not a wave. Nothing. He just left me standing there, and I completely deserved it.

Chapter 21

That afternoon we were getting in the car at the end of the day when Elias turned to me and asked, “Would you mind if we stop by one the houses we visited earlier this week? They’re just about twenty minutes out of the way. I want to drop something off.”

At this point I was so desperate to get any sort of approval from him that I automatically nodded. “Sure, no problem. Did we forget something there?”

“No, I have something for them.”

“Okay.” That was a pretty cryptic answer, but he didn’t seem like he was going to offer more information, so I just put my head back and closed my eyes for the ride.

I must have dozed off, because I came to when Elias slammed the door on his side. He popped his head through the car window and said, “I’ll be right back.”

I twisted around to spy on what he was doing and saw him run to the back of the vehicle and take two black plastic bags out. He quickly walked up a stone path that led to a set of three houses clustered together on a little hill. Each one had a garden in front, which this time of year had lots of veggies hanging from well-cared for plants. When he got to the one in the center, he looked inside the house, but waited outside.

After a moment a woman and two girls came out. I remembered them from the survey. They’d been curious when we were in their home, shyly asking questions. Elias greeted the mom and smiled at the girls as he handed them the bags. The woman’s face lit up and the little girls started peeking in. Soon another woman from a neighboring house came over with her girl as well. The mom from the first one started riffling through the bags, hefting out a pile of notebooks and school supplies, then passed it to her neighbor.

The woman threw her hands up and bowed to Elias, who shook his head like it was too much. He spoke to them for a couple of minutes as the girls got out the stuff he brought and the women nodded vehemently at whatever he was saying. Not long after, they said their goodbyes, and Elias jogged back to the truck and started us back toward the main road. Abraham and Yohannes spoke up from the back in Amharic, their voices amused.

After a moment I turned to him. “So you got some notebooks for the kids? That’s nice.”

He looked at me for a moment as if trying to figure out what my curiosity meant, but he just answered my question. “When we were here, I was talking to the mothers and they asked if I knew of any program that had school supplies for girls. You know how hard it can be for girls to go to school, especially in the rural areas, but these women want their girls to attend. They saved up to buy them the uniforms, which, when you have as little as they do, can mean sacrificing other things. But they didn’t have the notebooks and other supplies, so I thought I’d bring them some to encourage them.” He shrugged like it was no big deal.

“Is that what you did last night after we got back?”

“Yes, I went to the stationery store in town, since we’d be out before they opened this morning. We’re going to another area next week, so I wanted to bring them these while we were not too out of the way.”

I didn’t deserve him. He was entirely too pure and too good.

While I’d spent my week freezing him out, letting my insecurities and baggage come between us, he was going about life the way he always did, using his time and energy to do what was right. To stop and notice what was needed and trying to make a difference.

I felt ashamed at how I’d behaved toward him in the last few days. How I’d decided for Elias that coming out to his family was something he was not strong enough to do. What made it worse was that I knew none of this was about him. No. This was about me. My fear that once someone decided I was worth fighting for, I would have to live up to it.

Elias kept driving in silence, and after a while turned to me. “Will you play something for us?” His face looked so sad. Like he could see all my fucked-up feelings and insecurities. I needed to talk to Elias, let him know why I had acted the way I did. I could’ve said something then, apologized or at least hinted at the fact that I knew I’d been wrong. But I chickened out.

“I’ll put something on,” I said grabbing my iPhone. I scrolled through the music until I found a blues playlist I’d downloaded for him. I hit play, and the unmistakable notes of “Mannish Boy” by Muddy Waters broke through the humming of the truck.

Then something happened that felt like seeing the sun come out after days of rain: he smiled at me. The first real smile I’d seen in what felt like weeks. “This is perfect. Thank you.”

I nodded and smiled back as we both settled in with the music and rode home. And when the gravelly coming through the speakers told us everything would be all right, I almost believed it.

It was dark by the time we got back to the lodge. As soon as we parked, Elias jumped out and started unloading the truck. I went around to ask if he needed help, but he waved me off.

“There

Вы читаете Finding Joy: A Gay Romance
Добавить отзыв
ВСЕ ОТЗЫВЫ О КНИГЕ В ИЗБРАННОЕ

0

Вы можете отметить интересные вам фрагменты текста, которые будут доступны по уникальной ссылке в адресной строке браузера.

Отметить Добавить цитату