I grinned into the phone, and despite how fucked-up the last two hours had been, I felt…relieved. “I’m going to do the MSW, Luce. I’m coming home, amiga.”
I heard her breath catch over the phone and mine caught too, because with every conversation tonight I realized this move was exactly what I needed. Like my mother said, Elias had been what finally made me brave enough to go for it. And it was not lost on me that I had done the same for him.
“Oh my god, babe. You don’t how happy I am right now. You got me crying on the fucking High Line, bro.”
I chuckled at how annoyed she sounded. “Well, it’s not all rainbows and sunshine right now. Luce, Elias’s mother caught us kissing. He was going to tell them, but that was not how they should’ve found out.” I cringed, remembering Negash’s face when she saw us. “I have no idea if he’s going to be okay or what’s even happening. We had plans. I mean very tentative plans, but now I don’t know.”
She sighed on the speaker. “Shit. I’m sorry, hon. Do you think his family will be awful?”
“I don’t know,” I said, unsure. I knew one could never tell for sure how people would react to these things, but Elias’s family loved him. No matter how complicated things seemed, it was clear they adored him. “I hope not. He was going to talk to them tonight anyway; he just wanted me to meet them first. He’s accepted his spot at Columbia and so part of the plan was to come out to them as well. He didn’t want to leave with that secret.”
I heard Lucía’s wheel turning from seven thousand miles away. “He’s coming to New York? Desta, is that—”
“No, Lucía, I swear. This is about me. About what I want. I just told Mami before I called you. I need to do what makes me happy, Luce. I need to. Besides, Elias may not even be in New York this fall, not after how shitty things went tonight.”
“Okay, babe,” she said, clearly trying to appease me. “Of course, and you know you’re going to stay with us until you find a place.” I nodded like she could see me, but she didn’t wait for an answer, already full steam ahead with planning. Just like I knew she would be. “Actually, you know what? Let me talk to Norma from work—she mentioned her brother needed to sublet his place for the summer. He’s going to Spain for six months, and he’s up by me. I’ll email you.”
“Okay, sounds good,” I said, slightly less freaked out than I had been a few minutes before.
“So you’ll be here in a few weeks?” she asked, the excitement in her voice making my own resurface.
“In nine days. I have my trip tomorrow and come back the day before I leave. I have to go to DC and sort out some stuff, but I fly into JFK anyways, so I’ll stay for a few days to arrange the move.”
“Are you going to be able to see your guy before then?” She sounded worried and sad for me.
I shook my head as if she could see me. “I don’t know.”
“Take care of yourself on that trip.” She grumbled, “I don’t want you getting eaten by a lion or some shit when I’m so close to having you back.”
I cracked up. “There aren’t lions where I’m going. Maybe a baboon.”
“Whatever! Seriously, though, enjoy your trip and get back safe. Everything’s going to work out. I know it will.”
I really hoped she was right. “I’ll talk to you soon.”
I ended the call, and as I got ready for bed and packed the rest of the things I’d take north, I wondered how it was going with Elias and his family. I checked my phone and saw there were no messages, and couldn’t decide if that was a good or bad thing.
I went to bed with a clear mind and very sore heart. But for the first time in a long time, I finally felt like I was looking forward to what was next.
Chapter 26
“Do you have everything, dear?”
I turned around from zipping my bag and nodded at Saba. I’d come to stay at her house when I returned from my trip the day before, and was now getting ready to head to the airport.
I pointed toward the hallway leading to the bedroom. “Just have to get my laptop bag. I’ll be right back.”
She waved me off. “Tefare is on his way. It’s only 8:30 and your flight isn’t until midnight. You have more than enough time.”
Saba stood by the door of her guest bedroom and watched as I hurried to get the last of my things. “How are you feeling about leaving?”
Her tone told me she already knew.
I answered with my eyes focused on what I was doing, not feeling up to facing her knowing gaze. “Completely unprepared. The goodbyes at the office were hard.” In the morning I’d gone to say goodbye to Bonnie and the rest of the team at Aid USA. Even Sam had acted like a human when I stopped by his cubicle.
I heard Saba exhale from behind me. “You’ll see them again.” I expected that to sting, but it didn’t. It felt inevitable that I would come back.
“You’re right. I think I will.” Everyone at Aid had given me multiple hugs and had made me promise I’d be back for a visit soon, and when I said I would, it felt like the truth.
While I was there, Bonnie had given me a couple of funny looks and told me to update her about my summer plans. I suspected she knew about Elias and me. The urge to ask her if she knew more than the little bits of
