I grabbed my stuff and checked my phone one final time before I took out the SIM card.
No messages.
I’d exchanged a few texts and calls with Elias asking how things were going in the last few days. He’d said they were all right, but hadn’t gone into too much detail. Today he’d finally said he unfortunately would not be able to see me.
I was disappointed—okay, more like gutted—but I’d done my best to be understanding. He needed to get his things in order. The plan was still for him to go to the States for school this fall, and I hoped it meant there was a chance for us as well. But I’d decided I needed to focus on myself, just as he was doing.
I’d told him I would be in New York after I talked to my mom, needing him to know I was ready for more. But even if it didn’t work out, what I got to have with Elias was amazing. Still, it would crush me to not see him ever again, and I wasn’t ready to think about that yet.
I headed to the door of the bedroom with my laptop in hand and gave Saba the SIM card with a sigh.
She clicked her tongue at my gloomy mood. “You must trust it will be okay.”
She’d spent the day giving me pep talk after pep talk. I was getting a little exasperated, but smiled when she hissed at my stank face. I was about to reassure her once again that I was fine when we heard a car at the gate. Shortly after, the headlights of Tefare’s old Lada were illuminating the dark yard.
I hefted it on my backpack and grabbed the tube, which held the rolled-up canvas I’d bought in the gallery at the Marquis. It cost me an arm and a leg, but it was the only thing I was taking back with me, other than a few pounds of coffee. I wasn’t counting the broken heart and career change plans that would also be coming home with me.
I went over to where Saba was standing, looking a little weepy.
“Saba,” I said, trying to convey a clear don’t do this. She sniffled, pulling me in for a tighter hug, and I let out a flustered laugh, almost ready to cry myself. “No no no, none of that. You’re coming to visit in December! Stop it!”
“Yes, I will see you and your mama for the holidays, but it’s been so nice to have you here.” She kissed my forehead and pulled back to look at me. “You’ve grown up so fine, Desta Joy. I’m so glad you finally came to see your other homeland. We want you back soon.”
I nodded, swallowing down tears, certain I would return. “I’ll be back.”
Saba walked out to the car with me. I put my bag in the trunk and greeted Tefare with a few shoulder bumps.
“Are you ready to go home?” He smiled at me like he knew it was not an easy question to answer.
“I think so.”
He shrugged, looking between me and Saba. “We will be waiting for you. You have this land in your heart and in your name.”
“I do,” I said, feeling the truth in his words.
I was about to get in the car when Saba touched my shoulder and pulled something out of her pocket. It was an envelope. On the back I saw the familiar handwriting, and just one word.
Konjo.
I took it from her slowly. “He was here?”
“He dropped it off the night before you got back.” She gave me that same grin she’d been sending my way whenever Elias came up and raised her shoulder feigning innocence. “We’ve been getting to know each other.”
I just stood there, dumbstruck while she wagged a finger at me. “Don’t open it until you’re on the plane.”
I scoffed, glaring at her. “Are you kidding me?”
“He asked me to make you promise.”
“Saba!” I could not believe this shit.
She waved me off smiling. “Get in the car. You’ll miss your plane. I promise you don’t want to read it now.”
I blinked at her, still processing the last minute.
I opened my mouth to ask what her tone meant. She sounded amused, but there was certainly nothing to laugh about as far as I could tell. “So you’re not going to tell me.”
“I am not. And really, Desta, you need to get in the car,” she said with urgency, ushering me toward Tefare.
“I thought you said I was fine with time,” I huffed as I got in, but at the last second I blew her a kiss as we drove away, the envelope from Elias burning a hole in my jacket pocket.
After a few minutes we were on the road to the airport, and Tefare looked in the rearview mirror with a knowing expression on his face. “So? Did you find what you came looking for, Desta?”
I smiled and closed my eyes before I answered. “That and more, my friend.”
I got to my gate with some time before boarding and found an empty chair to wait. Since I’d arrived at the airport, I’d been playing a game with myself to see how long I could go without tearing into Elias’s note. I’d run a hand over it. Take it out of my pocket to make sure it was there. I moved it to my backpack and finally put it back where it was closest to me.
But now that the moment when I could read it was getting nearer, I felt afraid. What if this was just a final goodbye? What if he just didn’t want to have to tell me in person? But I decided that it couldn’t be that. Elias wouldn’t do that to me.
I took a deep breath, reaching into my pocket, and pulled it out. I read the letters on the back again, ran my fingers over them.
I decided
