The Unpharaoh tilted herself forwards and raced straight at the army helicopter. It stood no chance against her Beard magic. With a sickening crunch, the Unpharaoh barged the chopper aside, sending it into a spin. It smashed down onto a house a few blocks away.
The Unpharaoh flew down again and hovered just above the rioting Animal Mummies.
“If this is how it must be,” the Unpharaoh announced from on high, “there is only one logical way forward. Cainus!”
From below, Cainus bowed. “Yes, Your Airworthiness?”
“I have been away too long and do not know this strange city. You explored it while searching for the Pharaoh’s Beard, did you not? You mentioned a great museum that contains the mummies of Pharaohs.”
“Hugely popular place,” said Cainus. “Just across the Nile. One can see all the different outfits Egyptians wore throughout history. Some wonderful fashions! I was especially wowed by those calf-length skirts from the days of the Middle Kingdom. Ooh, I wish I had one of those retro gems in my wardrobe.”
“I am not interested in skirts,” snapped the Unpharaoh.
“Of course not,” Cainus apologised. “I suppose a prickly helicopter doesn’t really need a calf-length skirt.”
“But I am interested in a show of power. Animal Mummies!”
The townsfolk of Mumphis froze and looked up at the Beard Helicopter, awaiting instructions.
Bab clicked his fingers at Prong and Scaler. They immediately clamped their burgermuffs on so they couldn’t hear the Unpharaoh.
“You will follow me to the museum,” ordered the sorceress. “It is some distance, so you Ibis Mummies will carry everyone by air. Relax and enjoy your flight!”
Back home in Mumphis, Ibis Mummies provided transport around town by flying in groups while carrying long stone planks, suspended beneath them by vines. Other Animal Mummies would sit on the planks and be carried from place to place. It was a service called an i-bus.
The Unpharaoh had been clever enough to foresee that i-buses might be needed for her invasion, so she’d forced the mummies to haul planks and vines with them to Cairo.
Now, magically forced to obey her, about two dozen Ibis Mummies took wing. They formed several small flocks and began ferrying their fellow Animal Mummies over the crowded buildings of Cairo. Larry the Moth Mummy did his bit by carrying a litter of Kitten Mummies on his back, though he looked very tired from being forced awake during the daytime.
The Unpharaoh led the formation in her helicopter form, buzzing towards the river.
“Dammit!” Bab cried.
“Sorry, did you say something?” said Scaler and Prong. Bab rolled his eyes and whisked the burgermuffs off their ears.
“I can’t think how to stop the Unpharaoh,” he said. “Not with this soft beard. What about you, Mum? Can you use your purple magic now that we have your brain chunk?”
“Oh, Bab, I don’t know,” the Prof moaned. “For one thing, how do we reattach the chunk to my brain? You’re very clever, Babby-Boo, but you aren’t a brain surgeon.”
“I am,” Prong declared. “I am a brain surgeon.”
“No you’re not, Prong,” Scaler told her. “You’re an ibis.”
“Oh.” She looked crestfallen.
“Hospitals!” Bab cried. “This is a huge city, Mum. We go to the nearest hospital and ask the surgeon to put your brain chunk in.”
“Even if we did that, Bab,” his mum reminded him, “the chunk was mummified centuries ago. It’s probably past its expiry date.”
“That’s true.” Bab’s shoulders slumped. “There’s only one way to stop the Unpharaoh taking over the world, then.”
The others looked at him expectantly.
“Talk her out of it.”
Prong couldn’t form an i-bus all on her own, but her bandaged wings were strong enough that she could carry three passengers. The Prof and Scaler took a talon each, while Bab held onto Scaler’s foot and his mum’s hand.
Bab’s hand felt cold from clutching Scaler’s icy ostrich ankle and he wobbled alarmingly as Prong flapped them through the steaming hot air. The Unpharaoh’s fireballs had made Cairo feel even more like a sauna than usual.
The Nile below was spectacular, a watery ribbon draped over the city. But Bab focused on the trouble just across the river – the Egyptian Museum. Flashes of light and puffs of flame exploded around it. He told Prong to fly them in.
The museum was a chunky, reddish-pink building with lovely gardens out the front, guarded by a small stone sphinx.
Bab’s mum had taken him here many times before, but today it was very different. The gardens were seething with Animal Mummies. Under the Unpharaoh’s orders, they tore out the trees and ripped up the grass. Crocodile Mummies were busy working on the ancient little sphinx, chipping away at its face to make it look like the Unpharaoh.
Meanwhile, the Unpharaoh herself had transformed back into a floating hairy head with prickly arms dangling off it. Tourists ran about, hollering in alarm as the Unpharaoh snorted lightning bolts at them. The museum was stained black with soot from her fireballs. Nearby, Bab saw overturned cars and a couple more crashed helicopters.
The Unpharaoh was so busy with destruction, she hadn’t noticed the arrival of Bab’s gang. Prong hovered above the scene and Bab scanned the chaos.
I have to try something, he thought.
“Beard,” said Bab, “turn into a fire blanket and smother those flames.”
Fuppa-foop!
The Cotton Beard extended from Bab’s chin. It fluffed out into a generous quilt and flopped down onto a burning section of the garden. Deprived of air, the fire was extinguished.
“Yes!” Bab cried. Even if the Cotton Beard couldn’t block the Unpharaoh’s ultra-fast missiles, at least it could put out a regular blaze.
“Good work, beard baby!” Prong honked.
The Beard Quilt flapped up and plonked itself on top of another spotfire, putting out the flames. It then moved on to douse a burning car.
“My beard baby is growing up to be a cotton firefighter,” declared Prong proudly.
However, the flapping cotton blanket caught the Unpharaoh’s eye.
