“I don’t know how you keep on believing in God when he’s done so little to make your life easy.”
Disappointment and anger bled into his words. Anna could tell his walk of faith was struggling.
Thankfully, Jason came to the rescue. He stood up and gave his brother a quick hug but didn’t linger, for Mark didn’t accept hugs well.
“Come on, Bro, it’s not that bad. We’re family. If God’s seen fit to add another little one, we need to find joy in that. I kinda like the idea of a little sister or brother … don’t you?”
Mark smiled despite himself. “Well, when you put it that way … the kid will be spoiled rotten.”
All the way home, Anna replayed their conversation. Her heart squeezed tight, and tears blurred her vision. She had to pull over to collect herself. The thought that Mark would blame God for her indiscretion felt like a thorn embedded in her flesh. Every conversation that fed the lie pricked her conscience, and the peace that had always been hers became a distant memory.
Anna’s heart beat out of her chest, and knots as big as boulders weighted down her shoulders. Her sister was the hardest person to lie to.
“Why wait this long to tell me? Haven’t I visited every week?” Lana’s eyes grew large as she blinked back tears.
“Here I thought you were finally eating again and putting on some decent weight, only to find that you’ve got a lot more to deal with.”
“I’m sorry, Lana. You can’t imagine the pressure I’ve been under lately. I could barely comprehend what was going on in my body myself, much less talk about it. It’s been forever since I was pregnant and believe me when I say pregnancy was the last thing on my mind. I thought I had the flu. And when I didn’t get my cycle, I believed the effects of stress had finally got the best of me.”
Tears filled Anna’s eyes. She just wanted to be left alone. She hated the liar she had become.
“Sorry, Sis,” Lana said. “I didn’t mean for this to be about me.” She fished in her purse for two tissues, one for each of them. “I’m just a little offended to be way down on your list of people to tell. But I’ll get over it.”
“What do you mean?”
“Don’t worry about it. Eleanor came up to me the other day at church and quietly asked me if you had talked to me yet, like she was in on some secret. When I shook my head, she told me to pray for you. It felt weird to be left out of the loop. Why would you tell the pastor and his wife before me?
Anna shook her head. No good lie came to mind. “I don’t know. I’m not myself these days.”
Lana graciously conceded. “I get that now more than ever, but I need to be sure that we’re okay?”
“Yes. Of course.” Anna quickly interjected.
“What I’m trying to ask is if I’ve done anything to change the trust and friendship we’ve always had? I get this distinct feeling that you don’t tell me half the stuff you go through anymore, and I’m not sure why.”
It was hard for Anna to answer. She knew it had nothing to do with her attentive sister and everything to do with the lie she was now living.
“Lana, please don’t think it’s your fault. It’s … it’s me. I haven’t been a good friend to anyone since Steven died.”
“You would tell me if there was more, wouldn’t you, Sis? You seem so lost. I’ve never seen you like this, not even through the worst of it when Mom and Dad died, and then Steven. This scares me.”
Anna longed to fill her perceptive sister in and ask her advice. She desperately needed someone to talk to, but knew that her fate was sealed, her choice made. For the first time in her life she would keep a secret from her twin—a horrible, deceitful one at that!
“Yikes, Rita, your room is warm. I see you got those blinds wide open again. How do you sweet talk the staff into opening them for you when we all know we’ll be cooked out of this place?”
Rita giggled like a schoolgirl. “I guess you’re all scared of me.”
Anna laughed. “Yeah, scared to disappoint the most loving soul in this place.”
“Glad you don’t want to disappoint me, Anna, dear, because I have something I want you to do for me. I know I’ve been bedridden for over a month now, but I need”—her voice became a whisper and Anna could not make out her words.
Anna walked closer and bent toward her.
“I want to go outside and feel the sun’s warmth on this old face.”
Anna smiled. “You’re a plucky soul, because we both know this is going to cause you considerable pain to be moved and jostled about. Are you sure?”
Rita’s eyes crinkled into lovely lines of laughter. “No pain, no gain,” she said, “I aim to see the roses blooming at least one more time.”
“Don’t talk like that Rita, it makes me sad.”
“Why ever so, my dear? We both know I’m going to a far better place. When I get there, I’ll find your Steven and give him a big hug from you and tell him all about the baby.”
Anna’s eyes shifted down and she changed the subject back to Rita’s request. “I’ll check with the head nurse. If you’re allowed on a field trip, consider it done.”
The smile that radiated from that wrinkled, worn face lit up with the brilliance of a shooting star. She shouted after Anna, “See that the answer is yes, because I’m not taking no for an answer.”
To rearrange Rita’s schedule took some doing, and Rita had to forgo the rigor of her bath to have the energy for her trip outdoors. But the day was too perfect to pass up.
“The bath can
