The elderly lady’s eyes slid down to Anna’s rounded stomach. That look gave Anna the distinct feeling that this spiritually gifted woman could make a well-educated assumption.
Anna had argued her case before God. She had justified the lies with the fact it wasn’t her fault others had misread her situation. She had reminded God how she had set out to tell the truth and had not concocted the story. But all the excuses in the world didn’t bring back the peace she longed to have. He now used her dear friend Rita to bring home the truth—the one person she knew wouldn’t judge or condemn her. A crack in the fortress door of her heart creaked open.
Rita waited patiently. The love that oozed from her eyes beckoned Anna to open her heart and give over her burden. Hope and shame volleyed for attention. Rather than unwrap the sordid details, Anna turned from Rita’s gaze.
Rita nodded. She understood Anna’s choice. “Please take me in. I’m exhausted.”
Relieved, Anna scooted behind the chair, only too happy to leave that conversation behind.
Back in the room, Rita took one last inhale and handed the bouquet to Anna. “Choose the beautiful fragrance of forgiveness.”
Anna’s hand shook as she took the flowers from Rita’s outstretched hands and set them on the dresser for a moment. She gathered the blanket around Rita’s shoulders and tucked her into bed.
Rita whispered the strangest thing. “You know God loves you, don’t you Anna?”
Anna nodded.
“Well then, my dear, since you can’t find the strength to unload this burden, I’m going to pray that God brings about circumstances that force you to set this right.” She closed her eyes and drifted off.
Anna’s heart rate accelerated and pounded within her chest. She wanted to wake the now sleeping soul and beg her not to pray that prayer.
Matt tossed on his bed where sleep had eluded him for hours. He could not get comfortable.
Dreams of Anna flitted in and out of his consciousness and robbed his sleep. The longest eight months of his life had crawled by since their night together, and still his sorry heart beat that irregular rhythm at just the thought of her. Memories crept in at all hours of the day and night ensuring abject loneliness. A four-letter word slipped from his lips as he threw his covers aside and made his way to the kitchen.
With clenched fists he hammered the granite counter. Maybe I should give into Tamara’s invites. One quick call and I could have company. Just the thought made his stomach heave. He had no appetite for anyone but Anna.
He ripped his hands through his hair and massaged the taut muscles at the back of his neck. He wanted to be angry at Anna for the way she had cut him out of her life but then remembered her tender care of Steven. How can I blame her for loving so deeply when I want someone to love me that way? A twist of envy tightened his gut. No, not someone, I want Anna. But she has no clue how she broke down the walls of my guarded heart. No idea how my parent’s incessant fighting turned me off marriage and how her example of love gradually wore away the stain.
Nor does she have a clue how it took everything I had to keep proper boundaries. But once Steven died, yeah, I admit professionalism went out the window and possibility flew in. His heart picked up pace and his skin heated at the thought. And then that night … wow!
What a fool to let love grow just because she responded to me. And why can’t I forget now that I know the truth? He paced back and forth. It was just sex.
Yeah, as if. I made love for the first time that night, and nothing in my past has ever come close to what we shared.
“Aargh, this hunger—the pain.” A string of unpleasant words filled the kitchen as he screamed into the silence.
It was one o’clock in the morning, yet the ping of a text came through. He picked up his cell. Tamara again.
“Hey, handsome, you available tonight? I have the wine and dance, all I need is you.”
He hit the delete button. It sickened him to think of earlier days when that invitation would have been enough.
As he scrolled through the rest of his messages, his phone rang. The head nurse on the children’s ward informed him that Isabella was failing.
“I’ll be right there.”
“Nancy, I’m so sorry.” Matthew worked hard to choke back his tears. “Isabella was special to me too.” It took all he had to press past the giant knot in his throat. A muscle jerked in his jaw as he struggled to hold himself together.
He put his arm around the sobbing Nancy as he guided her toward a nearby chair.
“Nurse Helen will stay with you until … you feel strong enough to drive home.” He nodded at the nurse to take over.
Matt felt bad, but he didn’t have the strength to stay one more moment. He hurried down the hall to a quiet staff room, glad it was three in the morning and few were about. He breathed easy to find the room empty and crossed to the window. The street light flickered on and off, on and off. Matt stood as if in a trance. Thoughts of sweet little Isabella brought a flow of tears. He had broken his own unspoken rule and allowed himself to care for that child way more than he should have.
What’s wrong with me lately? First, I fall in love with a grieving widow. Then, I can’t stomach my old lifestyle and choose to remain alone rather than have Tamara join me. I allow this sweet child I knew wasn’t going to survive to work her way into my heart. And now I fall apart when a mother stricken with grief needs my professionalism the
