Sensuality is the key I require to make the void disappear completely.
The only problem now is finding the right person to help me along. I know I have a lot more to learn, especially how to be the perfect submissive. I also know it’ll be stupid to jump right in, when there is a lot I still don’t understand. The first step is going back to Sensuality. Whether by myself or with Kendra and her husband, that club is my first stop.
Since it was guest night last night, I should find out what I need to do to become a member. Walking quickly back to my room, I find my phone, laying on the night stand. Pulling up Kendra’s number, I quickly send her a text. It’s our day off, so I figure meeting in person will be the best way to go about this.
Kendra has become my lifeline to the world of never-ending pleasure.
It’s like a drug.
Even with my first taste last night, I know once I submerge myself with this new lifestyle, it’ll become yet another addiction I don’t want to quit.
When my phone pings with a message, I grin, knowing I’m on my way to fulfilling every single thing I’ve ever wanted.
Sitting across from Kendra, at the little Bistro downtown, I watch her closely. She talks adamantly about her and Weston’s plans to build a house outside of the city, but I’m not really listening. All I can do is stare at her collar, wondering when she got it. What did she do to earn it? What does it really mean to wear a Dom’s collar? I know Weston said he owns her, but what does that really mean? I’ve never been owned by anyone before. Does Kendra like knowing she’s owned? The obvious answer is yes. I saw that last night, but I still have so many questions that need answers.
Darting my gaze away, I pick at my half eaten-pasta. I don’t want to be rude, so I let Kendra continue talking about their new patch of land. She talks about building plans, contractors, and how excited she is on how it’s all coming together.
“Shit. I’m sorry, Trix.” Meeting her gaze, I frown, and then she says, “I know why you wanted to meet, and I’ve done nothing but talk you to death about boring adult shit.”
She lets out a laugh, and then shakes her head. “I don’t mind. We’re friends, so you have a free pass to blabber about things like this.”
Using her fork, she points it at me, “Yeah, but I also know how much you need to learn how to be the person you want to be. We have all the time in the world to talk about such mundane things. We don’t have much time to get you ready to go back to Sensuality.”
“I don’t know if I’ll ever be ready for any of this,” I confess. It’s a bit overwhelming, even if it’s exciting, too. That’s the part I’m having trouble with. It’s hard to focus on how I’m really feeling, since my emotions seem to be all over the place.
“You know it’s normal to fight against your nature. It’s something I still struggle with.” She sighs, setting down her fork, pushing her empty plate aside. “Society says we have to be this way, and we’re taught to be what our parents deem right. The thing is, sometimes we have to step out of the box, and do something that no one else will get. They may judge us, but at the end of the day, if this lifestyle is what you want to pursue, then you can’t think about right or wrong. You have to forget about everything you were ever taught, and then go with what your body says. It’s like an instinct. You know that deep ache you feel in your gut?”
With my nod, she continues, “It’s like a slow building fire, right?” I give her another nod, knowing she’s describing it exactly right. “Well, if you ignore that burn, it’ll get worse. It’ll end up consuming you or worse, leaving you feeling hollow and empty. Honestly Trix, I think you’re almost at the hollow part. The way you described how dancing didn’t give you what you need any more makes me believe you need a Dom more than you realize. I’m not an expert, but I remember all too well how it feels not to have something you desperately crave. It’ll never go away, unless you start doing what you truly want.”
She stops to suck in a deep breath, before saying, “I want you to really think about this. If you want to learn the life, I’ll show you everything. I should warn you though. Letting yourself become a part of a Dom/sub relationship is hard at times. It’s not easy for everyone, so I would recommend seeing if you can give up control to someone you trust first. If you can do that, then you’ll do fine.”
I consider her words, letting them roll around in my head for a while. Kendra doesn’t say a word, as I think about everything she said. I think about all the times my mother would control my life, and how much I hated that. Then, I remember how it felt hearing Weston command Kendra, and how much I envied her. I especially enjoyed Sebastian, ordering me to stay put, as if he knew I needed an extra push to do what my body wanted.
Maybe, I hated what my mother did, because she wasn’t doing it for me. She was ordering me around for her own benefit. Weston demanded things of Kendra, having her needs front and center. Maybe, that’s the key to all this. I need someone to think of me first, to put my needs first, and not try to use me for something else.
Looking at Kendra, I still feel
