Looking at Nikolai, he uses both hands to grab my face, as I mull over Ava’s question. “Maybe. I honestly haven’t thought about it before.”
I’ve never let myself think about kids, because I don’t know if I would be good enough for them. My mother wasn’t the greatest role model, so I don’t want to fuck up. However, as I continue to gaze at Nik, my heart clenches with want.
Pushing down the intense sensation, I hand Nik back to Ava. “How about we work on those wedding plans?”
Thankfully, she understands I want to change the subject. “I have the checklist Mom gave me downstairs. Oh, ouch, Nik,” she calls out, as Nikolai pulls hard on her hair. “Okay, bud. That’s not a toy.” I rush over to help her, and it’s a struggle to get her hair free. Nik thinks it’s hilarious, and I smile, hearing his giggles. “I’m thinking about cutting my hair off. He loves pulling it,” Ava says, and I follow her downstairs.
“I’m not sure if that will stop him,” I claim.
“You’re probably right,” she answers, as she reaches the living room. Once she puts Nikolai down close by Gabbie, she stands tall, touching her stomach again. “Gabbie, please play nicely.”
“Okay, Mommy. Hers can have dis one,” she states, as she hands Nik a Barbie Doll.
It instantly goes into his mouth, and Ava shakes her head, pulling it away from him. “How about this one?” She quickly gives Nik one of his baby toys that’s more suitable for him to chew on.
Once the kids are settled, and they seem to be playing fine, Ava and I sit at the kitchen island. We’re still able to see the kids play, since the kitchen is open, and the living room is on our right. Seeing the checklist Ava said she had, I reach over, pulling it to me.
“Ella has most of this checked off,” I say, shocked that I don’t have much left to do.
“Yeah, Mom has been on a mission to finish everything as soon as possible.”
“That’s good, since it makes my job easier,” I claim with a laugh. “Oh, by the way, Kendra wanted to know if she can come to the wedding. She misses you and really wants to see you.”
“I’ve been meaning to ask Vik, if we should invite some of the girls from the club. I would love to see her again. It’s been a while, since I saw any of them.”
Glancing up from the checklist, Ava stares at the wall. “Do you miss dancing?”
She turns her gaze towards her two precious babies, playing together on the floor. “Sometimes I do. Sometimes I miss the rush that it gave me, and the way Viktor would watch me dance.”
She looks at me, before finishing, “But I’d much rather be at home with my kids. Don’t get me wrong, the job was pretty amazing, but now that I have another one on the way, it makes sense to be at home. Plus, I don’t need the rush anymore. I don’t need to work, thankfully.”
“I totally understand. You’ve found what you really need, and being at home with your children, is it.”
“Exactly.” She glances over to Gabbie and Nikolai, before saying, “Those two mean so much to me, so I can’t imagine ever going back.”
I wish I had that kind of purpose. I wish I had what I needed to make me feel so content, like Ava. I’m not jealous by any means, but Ava has everything she’s ever wanted.
I just want to feel that complete, too.
As I’m about to change the subject back to the wedding, the front door opens, and Viktor walks in, smiling as soon as he spots Ava. I use my hand to prop up my head, as I watch Ava jump off the stool, rushing towards him. As they embrace, Gabbie squeals with her excitement, as Nik tosses a toy across the room, before he clumsily gets up to greet his dad.
It’s clear as day that Viktor is happy to be home with this family. I’ve known him for a long time, but I’ve never seen him smile this big before. I’ve never seen him so happy. My heart clenches, seeing how much this family shows freely that they are happy to be around each other. They show how much they care for each other, simply by greeting a loved one.
I wouldn’t know how that feels.
My home wasn’t full of love, like Ava’s. Mine was completely different. Whereas Ava and Viktor are so excited to see one another, mine was as if the world was coming to an end. My mother never greeted my father. If she was in the general area with him, she always had something negative or awful to say to him. Nothing was ever good enough for my mother.
Hearing Gabbie and Nikolai giggle loudly, I blink away my past memories, forcing myself to witness their happiness. It makes me smile, seeing and watching them like this. Ava and Viktor have come such a long way, since they met, and I only wish them even more happiness.
“How are you, Trix?” Viktor asks, picking up Nik.
“Good. Ava and I are working on wedding plans, but Ella has beat me to it.”
He smiles, saying, “Sounds like her.”
“Mom is overdoing it,” Ava cuts in.
“No, she’s not. She’s just doing what any mom would.”
With a pointed look, Ava claims, “Just remember Nik’s baby shower.”
“Alright, you got me on that one.” Viktor turns towards Nik, as he says, “Your Gammie likes to overdo things.”
“I see Gammie!”
“Oh, crap,” Viktor mutters, realizing his mistake.
“We’ll see Gammie in a few days, okay?”
“Mommy, see Gammie!” Nik wails, and I shrink back, hoping Ava and Viktor can avoid a full out tantrum.
Ava quickly takes Nikolai, rushing towards the living room. Gabbie quickly follows behind her, and thankfully, they distract him. “Ella will love hearing about this,” Viktor says, walking over by me.
Letting out a laugh, I say, “I’m sure she will.”
It’s no secret that
