Reaching his office door, I still myself for what I need to do. A part of me doesn’t want to ask for what I need, but the other part of me, the newer submissive part, is telling me I have to do this.
I need a Dom.
I thought it would be Sebastian, but I can’t wait forever for him.
Raising my hand, I knock on his door. He calls out, letting me know I can enter. Clutching my bag in the other hand, I open the door, slowly walking inside. He sits like a king behind the huge dark wood desk, and I will myself to remain indifferent. I can’t keep letting my emotions take over every single time I’m around him, so it’s best to push it all down, and then forget why I ever felt anything for him.
It’s easier said than done.
“What can I do for you?”
Shaking my head, he doesn’t even realize who he’s talking to. He’s yet to glance up from whatever task he’s working on. Honestly, it just makes this easier for me. “I’d like to become a member of Sensuality.”
His gaze snaps up, and for a second, I catch shock in his eyes. However, it disappears so suddenly, that I wonder if I really saw it or not. “Who told you to come to me for this?”
“Kendra,” I state plainly.
Our gazes hold, and the urge to look away is becoming overwhelming. It’s his dominant side, trying to force me to submit, but I refuse to do so. “I see your lessons aren’t doing what they’re meant to,” he scolds, and I clench my jaw, as the sense of letting him down rushes through me.
Pushing back my shoulders, I boldly claim, “You’re not my Dom, so my lessons are none of your business.”
Now that, catches his attention. He raises an eyebrow, and I swallow, wondering if I just poked the bear too hard. I assume Weston filled him in on what Kendra and I do three times a week. My eyes never leave him, as he pushes his chair back and gets up.
He stands, and as he makes his way closer to me, he unbuttons the jacket of his suit. “You’re right,” he says softly, as he leans on his desk. He’s inches away from me, but I’ve never felt so far from him.
Something has changed for me. Maybe, it’s because I’ve been waiting for so long for him to claim me and make me his. Maybe, I just opened my eyes to the truth that he just likes leaving me hanging on purpose. Either way, I can’t just let life pass me by, when there is a chance I can have what I need the most.
“I assume the reason you want to become a member of my other club is because you’re searching for a Dom?”
“Yes,” I answer simply.
His jaw clenches, and I feel as if he’s angry about something. “Do you have someone in mind already to fill this role?”
My first reaction is to blurt out that it’s him, but I bite my tongue instead. “No, not yet.”
Sebastian pushes out a breath, as he stands, and my eyes follow him, once he begins to pace. “Finding the right Dom takes time,” he says, but I don’t know if he’s talking to me or not. He seems lost in his head, as if he’s talking to himself. “Have to be patient.”
“What the hell are you going on about?”
He stops suddenly, and then turns those intense green eyes to me. “You’re not ready,” he utters, and I frown.
Before I can say anything back, he rushes towards me, only stopping, when he’s right in front of me. Jesus, he’s so close that I can feel his breath on my lips. I can smell the hint of mint behind his toothpaste. I’m overwhelmed with the intense heat I feel coming off him, and when his cologne mixes with everything, I have to remind myself to focus.
“Sebastian,” I call out, breathlessly.
“Podozhdi menya.”
Shaking my head, I step back, hating he refuses to talk to me in English. He knows I can’t speak Russian. “What does that mean?” He doesn’t answer, but his gaze holds mine, as if he’s pleading for me to understand something. “Sebastian, just tell me,” I beg, hoping he’ll finally open up. For years, we’ve been doing this stupid dance, and I’m sick of it.
“Trixie, I—”
“Hey, do you have those … oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t realize you were in a meeting.”
Glancing back, I silently thank Margo for interrupting us. Whatever is going on here isn’t going to help me anyway. I’m done falling down the stupid rabbit hole, waiting for a man that clearly has issues that he can’t let go of.
“It’s fine. I was just leaving,” I state, walking right out of the door and refusing to look back. He doesn’t call out for me to stay either. He doesn’t even bother to try and make me listen to what he was trying to tell me.
Which means I was right.
Pushing down the hurt, I feel stupid for thinking for just a second, that something more was going on in there. I’m a fool for thinking he wanted to tell me something important. However, deep down, I know he would’ve spoken to me in English, if he truly wanted me to know, right?
Shaking my head, I walk into the dressing room, disappointment filling me to the brim. Tossing my bag down on my vanity, I place my hand on my hips. What the fuck just happened in there? I’m no closer to finding a Dom, no thanks to Sebastian. Why couldn’t he just give me what I want?
What the hell does podozhdi menya mean?
Against my better judgement, I quickly unzip my bag, searching for my phone. Once I find it, I send a voice message to Ava, knowing she’ll tell me what the hell it means. Pushing out a breath, I set my phone down, turning towards the clothing racks. Quickly picking out my outfits
