But my gaze never leaves Sebastian.
In a way, I’m dancing for him. I’m not dancing for these drunken rich men anymore. They aren’t doing anything for me, so why not delve into my fantasy? I never let myself go there before, because I didn’t know, if I could come back from it. I’ve wanted him for so long, that I feared thinking about him or fantasying about him, would cause me to get lost in my mind. I feared it would become too addictive to leave my made-up fantasy world, so I never thought of him, while I danced.
Now, I do.
As soon as I let myself go there, my body instantly changes. My heart begins to race, and I have to suck in a deep breath. Still dancing around the stage, I wonder if anyone else has realized how hard my nipples have become. Do they think it’s for them? No one else will know either just how wet I’ve become. They might notice my skin breaking out in goosebumps, as I imagine Sebastian sitting right in front of me, watching me with those intense green eyes.
This is what’s been missing, when I dance. The rush. The high. The feeling as if nothing can bring me down. Closing my eyes, I relish every single sensation I’m experiencing. It’s like I’m feeling it again for the first time, and fuck, I’ve missed this. It’s only been two days, since I went to Sensuality with Kendra, but two days of feeling nothing is enough. I want this sense of rightness to stay with me every single day, and for every second of the day. I don’t care what I have to do to get it.
I want it.
As the song comes to an end, disappointment fills me, because my time on stage is over. Opening my eyes, I glance to the spot Sebastian is at, and he’s still there. Still watching me closely. I hate having to break the connection we seem to be having, but I have to. Quickly grabbing the money off the stage, I turn my gaze back to him one last time, before I leave the stage.
I shouldn’t be surprised he’s getting up, but I am. Maybe, Kendra was right all along, and I have been totally clueless.
One week later…
Walking up the front steps, I reach the door, and then ring the bell. It doesn’t take long at all, before Gabbie, Ava’s little girl, answers it. “Aunt Trixie!” Bending down, I scoop her up, making sure to give her lots of kisses.
“Hey, munchkin. Where’s your mom?” I know how much Ava hates, when Gabbie answers the door without her, so I know she has to be close by.
She wiggles to be put down, and then says, “Her up there.” She states, pointing towards the stairs. “Nik had a blowed out. I don’t know dat means, Aunt Trixie.”
Smiling, I shut the door behind me. Taking Gabbie’s hand, I lead her up to Nikola’s room. As we walk, I say, “A blowout is a term that grown-ups use, when a baby or toddler has a number two diaper, but it’s really bad. Like the poo is coming out of the diaper.”
Gabbie scrunches her nose, as she claims, “Dat’s really gross. Mommy should potty twain Nik, so he doesn’t poop all over the place.”
Unable to hold back a laugh, I glance down. She is growing up so fast, but she still hasn’t quite kicked the baby talk just yet. She’ll be four soon, and it’s hard to believe how much she’s changed, since I met Ava. Gabbie has always been such a free spirit, and I don’t think that’ll ever change.
“Well, Nik isn’t old enough to learn, but I know you’ll help him, once he’s big enough.”
“Dats right. I’m a big sister.”
“And you’re a great sister to your brother,” I say, walking into Nikolai’s nursery.
Ava is in the process of turning, and once she notices me, she smiles. “Hey, Trix.” Her eyes narrow at Gabbie, before asking, “Did you open the door?”
Glancing down at Gabbie, she swings back and forth, as her hands clasp behind her back. “Hers not mean, Mommy.”
“I know, Gabbie, but what have Viktor and I told you about answering the door without us?”
“Hers not a stranger!”
Covering my mouth, I try not to laugh. It’s hard though, since Gabbie is so cute, and she does have a valid point. Nikolai screams loudly, and Ava sighs, before turning around to pick him up off the changing table. “Gabbie, please don’t answer the door without me again, okay?”
“Okay, Mommy. Can I play now?”
“Yes, you can go play.” She squeals, quickly rushing past me and out of the room. Shaking my head, Ava says, “Vik and I have been trying to teach her about strangers, but as you can see, it’s not working out like we want.”
“She’ll get there.” I assure her. “We all know she never meets a stranger.”
“Abie! Abie!”
“I think someone wants his sister,” Ava claims, as she glances to Nikolai. Watching them, my heart clenches, seeing how much love she has in her eyes. It’s so clear she adores her son, and Nikolai grins, as she kisses his chunky cheeks. “Do you want to see Aunt Trixie?”
“Da, da!” He yells, and I know enough Russian to know that means yes. Plus, the way he says dad, is so different than yes. It sounds more like da-de than da-da.
Walking up to them, he practically jumps in my arms. “Hey, buddy. You’re getting heavy.” His little hands reach for my face, and he giggles, as I act like I’m going to eat them. “Come on, buddy. Let’s go find your sister.” Before I turn to walk out, Ava watches me, and I frown. “Are you okay?”
Her hand touches her stomach that’s just now starting to show that she’s pregnant. “Yeah, I’m fine. It’s just you’re so good with him and Gabbie. Do you
