The sudden rush of coldness comes over me, and I wrap my arms around myself, not only to warm up a bit, but because I’m holding myself together. I’m moments away from breaking down, and I can’t let him see me fall apart.
I knew he was a hard man to love, but I thought … I thought he felt the same way. Maybe, he does and just doesn’t want to admit it, but the fact of the matter is, I expressed my true feelings, and he rejected me.
That rejection was like a slap in the face, and I realize now what I have to do next.
Unlocking the door to my apartment, I walk inside and head straight to my bedroom. I ignore the door being shut behind me mostly because I know Sebastian is still here. I don’t know why he’s staying. I don’t know why he’s bothering to wait for me either.
What I do know?
I’m going to find out once and for all how he feels.
Once I’m changed into a shirt and comfortable shorts, I take a deep breath, reminding myself that I can do this. Walking back into the living room, I find him leaning against the half wall that separates the kitchen from the main room. His arms are crossed, as he stares down at his feet, and he doesn’t realize I’m in the room with him, until I clear my throat.
As his gaze finds mine, I try my hardest to keep my voice even, as I say, “Sebastian, what I said tonight … I meant exactly what I said.”
He looks away, as he nods his head, before he calmly states, “I know.” I frown, wondering where he’s going with this. “It’s normal for a sub to develop feelings for their Dom. It’s perfectly natural to think that you love me, Trixie.”
My mouth drops, hearing what he’s saying. Is he really trying to play this off like I’m only in love with him just because he’s my Dom? “I’ve shown you pleasure like you’ve never experienced before, so of course, you think you love me.”
“Don’t you dare try to tell me how I think and feel,” I cut in. My anger and frustration suddenly take over, as I state, “I know how I feel about you, and it has nothing to do with the way you fuck me.”
He nods again, as he says, “Tonight was a mistake.”
I swallow hard, as my heart thumps hard in my chest, before asking, “Which part? The one where we had a moment on the dance floor? Or could it be in the bathroom, where you actually showed me how you felt?”
Feeling sick to my stomach, I keep reminding myself that he’ll just admit his feelings for me. I know there is something he’s holding back, but I just need him to tell me. As he runs a hand through his hair, I ask, “Do you have any feelings for me at all?"
His answer is instant.
“No.”
My chest clenches, as my stomach drops, hearing his answer. “So, what? I’m just nothing more than your fuck toy to play with whenever you see fit? That’s it?”
Shaking my head, as he stays silent, I claim, “I know you’re lying, not only to me, but to yourself. You may not want to admit it, but I know you feel something more than just sexual attraction to me.”
“Trixie, don’t make up something that isn’t there.”
Raising my eyebrows, I nod my head, and then look down at the bracelet on my wrist. For so long, when I looked down at it, I would smile, as happiness would flow through me. That bracelet reminded me that I had someone that knew me and knew exactly what I wanted. But now? Now, it’s just another reminder that I have no one. It’s a symbol of a man that would rather fuck me than admit his feelings for me.
Without giving it another thought, I rip it off my wrist, ignoring the pain that comes with it. Honestly, I barely feel it compared to how my chest is feeling right now. Crossing the room, I hold out the bracelet, daring him to take it from me.
“I don’t want it anymore, Sebastian.”
Shock and confusion are laced in those beautiful green eyes, but I’m not going to waste another moment being with him, if he doesn’t want to admit how he feels. Earlier tonight, I was worried about how much longer I could do this with him.
I have my answer now.
“I can’t keep pretending like you do, so take it,” I tempt him again.
He slowly reaches for it, as if he thinks I’ll change my mind at the last minute, but I won’t. I can’t. I refuse to keep playing this game with him. I’ve waited so long for him, but now I realize, I may never actually have him. I don’t want him just as my Dom anymore.
I want all of him or nothing.
Once he has the bracelet in his hand, I turn my back to him, and then walk to the door. As I open it, I look back at him. “I’d like you to leave.” God, just knowing this is it hurts so much, but I have to stay strong.
“Trixie, don’t do this,” he demands, but I ignore it.
Even if my first instinct is to obey, I don’t. “I need you to go, Sebastian.”
His gaze drops down to the floor, but he does what I’ve asked him to. I try my best not to look at him, but it’s hard not to take one final look at him, as he steps right outside my door. He genuinely looks upset that I’m asking him to leave, or maybe, it’s just shock, because I’m the one ending things.
His gaze finds mine, as I hold onto the doorknob tightly. With a hard look, he says, “You don’t have to do this.”
Pushing out a deep breath, my chest clenches again, as I claim. “Yes, I do.”
I have to do this not
