Swallowing down the lump in my throat, I step back. As Viktor begins to help Ava feed Alexei, I say, “I’ll give you some privacy. Do either of you need anything?”
“Would you mind bringing us some decent food? I’m already sick of the crappy hospital food,” Ava says, as she slides her arm out of her shirt.
Unsure if she’ll mind if I see her boob or not, I start to head towards the door, as she tells Viktor to text me what they want to eat. I don’t have a problem seeing breasts of course, and I’m all for women breast feeding, but I need to step out of the room for a moment. Plus, I’m sure Ava and Viktor would rather have some privacy, bonding with their new baby.
Walking right past Sebastian, I ignore his presence, even though it’s one of the hardest things I’ve done. Pushing out a heavy sigh, as I walk out into the hall, I head towards the elevator, trying not to think about him, or what I just felt in that room. It’s just better to forget about it and pretend it never happened.
However, today must not be my day.
Feeling a hand on mine, I stop, knowing exactly who’s trying to get my attention. Slowly turning around, I tell myself I can do this. I can act nice, as if he doesn’t affect me. The thing is, as soon as I look into his green eyes, I remember why I was never good at acting. God, why does this have to be so fucking hard? Why can’t I just stop loving him?
“Do you have a second?” He asks, and I feel like I don’t have much of a choice.
Shrugging out of his grasp, I say, “Sure. What’s up?”
He frowns for a moment, and I wonder if he hears the weird tone of my voice. I’m literally seconds away from losing it, and I don’t want to be here, when the tears come. Thankfully, he doesn’t say anything about it, and I’m glad. I don’t want to be this ‘poor, pitiful me’ type of girl.
“I think we should revisit our agreement.”
“On what?” He narrows his eyes, as if I’m supposed to know what the hell he’s talking about.
“Our relationship, Trixie.”
Letting out a laugh, I ask, “What relationship? We didn’t have one, remember?”
He looks away, and then runs a hand through his hair, before saying, “I think we should negotiate a new agreement between us.”
“No, Sebastian.”
“No?” He asks, and a deep frown appears on his face. “What do you mean no?”
“It means, I don’t want to be around you, knowing you’re still not able to admit your feelings. It means, I don’t want to be with you and not know exactly how you feel about me.” Taking a step back, I add, “I can’t be with you, until you figure out what you want. Be honest with yourself, Sebastian, and then come talk to me.” Shaking my head, I add, “I highly doubt you’ll ever figure it out, so I’m not going to wait around for you. I’ve wasted enough time on you, so please, just let me go.”
“Don’t,” he demands, and then clenches his jaw. I’ve apparently hit a nerve, but I’m done caring. “Don’t you think I want to feel something for you? I’ve tried, and I just don’t.”
“Wow,” I start, and then stop, as I try not to let it affect me. “You know what I don’t get? Why are you here right now, standing here, asking for something I can’t give you, if you don’t care about me? Why stand up to my mother at the gala, if you don’t care?” That definitely gets his attention.
When I got a call from Dad a couple of weeks ago, I didn’t believe him at first, when he told me what Sebastian did and said to my mother. Apparently, he put her in her place, and defended me without any hesitation.
Glancing down at my feet for a moment, I steel myself, when I look back up. “What’s the point? If you don’t have any feelings for me at all, then why are you here, asking me to make a new agreement with you?”
When he doesn’t answer me, I take another step back from him. “See, you can’t even tell me why you’re here, asking for all of this. Why can’t you just tell me, Sebastian?”
“It’s complicated,” he roughly states, but it’s not good enough.
“That’s not an answer, and until you can answer me properly, I don’t want anything to do with you.” Turning around, I ignore the pain in my chest, and how badly I want to throw up.
However, I don’t get very far. He reaches for me again, and I jerk my hand out of his, as I state, “Don’t. Just don’t. I’m done, okay? I’ll see you at work.”
Thankfully, he drops his hand, nods, and then lets me leave. Getting into the elevator, I push the number I need to get the hell out of here for a bit, and completely ignore the look on his face, as I all but yelled, that I was done. If I even let myself question that look of devastation, I’ll end up doing something so fucking stupid.
So, I don’t.
I push it down with all the other awful emotions, rushing through me. As the elevator starts to move, I drop my head, wishing things could be different.
But I can’t make Sebastian become a different person.
He has to do that all on his own.
Two weeks later
Finally feeling like myself again, I finish blow drying my hair, and actually welcome the energy, flowing through me. I must be the unluckiest person alive, since I not only had the flu for over a week, but then, I somehow picked up strep throat. With all the damn medications I’ve been on, it’s about time, I feel like a normal person again.
After drying my
