“Yes.” I nod. “I love you. Very much. More than anything.”
“Oh my God, Alice.” Hudson wraps himself around me. I can feel him smelling the top of my head as he hugs me. I feel his body shaking next to mine.
“I love you,” he whispers as he pulls away.
When I look up at him, I see a few tiny tears building up at the bottom of his eyelids. Hudson isn’t much of a crier. I’ve only seen him cry on two occasions—once when his grandmother died and another when his best friend got into an awful car wreck and we didn’t know if he would live or die.
“I’m so, so sorry about everything,” he mumbles.
“Me, too,” I whisper. “I’m sorry about everything.”
22
Hudson is sorry about the past. He wishes it would go away. I’m sorry about the future. I wish that it wouldn’t come, or at least, that the truth wouldn’t come out. Sitting across from him right now, it almost feels possible. Like I can actually get this marriage annulled without him ever finding out about it. Maybe we can just…pretend that this never happened. Maybe we can just start off where we had left off.
“I’m so happy, Alice,” Hudson says, leaning back in his chair. His smile turns into a laugh, which then shakes his whole body. Loose strands of hair fall into his face as he rocks back and forth. He tucks some behind his ears, over and over, but they keep getting untucked.
Our eyes meet and, this time, I don’t let go.
“Me, too,” I whisper.
“Let’s get out of here,” he says, taking my hand. I don’t know where we’re going. I let Hudson lead the way. I’m okay with wherever he decides to take me. I just want to be with him.
Hudson leans close to me. We’re in his room. No one else is home. His fingers run along my jawline and bury themselves in my hair. He gets closer. I feel his breath on my lips, but he doesn’t kiss me. I pull forward and try to press my lips onto his, but he stops me. He demands that I wait. He leans down and runs his lips over my neck. His lips are smooth and gentle. Soft.
I bury my hands in his hair. Slowly, I pull his head up to mine. I have to taste him. I want his tongue inside my mouth. When our lips finally meet, shivers run throughout my body. His tongue is strong and rough. Hudson grabs my neck. With each breath, his kisses get more and more passionate. Now, he is kissing me as if he’s trying to prove something. I let him. I kiss him back with the same intensity and power. I want to prove something, too. No matter what happens in the future, I want him to remember this moment. This moment in which only we existed and the whole world could stop spinning upon our command.
Slowly, Hudson removes my sweater and I pull off his t-shirt. He unbuckles his pants and steps out of them. He pushes me down onto his bed and unzips my skinny jeans. He kisses my legs as he rolls them off me. My knees grow weak, as Hudson’s kisses intensify. He runs his fingers over my breasts, toeing the line between pleasure and pain.
As my hands make my way up his naked body, they feel rushed and unstable. Urgent. The muscles in his stomach flex and I feel each distinct muscle of his six-pack. I lean back, enjoying the moment, looking forward to what’s next.
Hudson undoes my bra and tosses it on the floor. He then grabs my hips and tugs at my panties with his teeth. I wiggle my body to help him along, enjoying the ferociousness of the moment.
Slowly, he eases himself inside of me. I feel myself welcoming him inside. My fingers dig into his shoulders and my hips start to move up and down on their own. I’m getting close. I look up at him. Our eyes meet briefly. I can see that he’s getting close, too. A moment later, a warm sensation pulses through my body. My legs get numb and I dig my toes into the bed.
“Oh, Hudson,” I whisper.
“Alice,” he moans, taking one last thrust and collapsing on top of me.
We lie next to each other for a while. Twilight comes and goes and darkness sets in, but neither of us bothers to get out of bed or turn on the light. It’s as if we’re both trying to hold on to this moment for as long as possible.
“Thank you,” Hudson says, propping up his head with his hand. I turn to face him.
“No, thank you,” I say.
Hudson flashes a mischievous smile.
“Well, thank you for this, definitely,” he says, giving me a peck on the cheek. “But what I meant is thank you for forgiving me. I know that it’s not really your specialty and that I must’ve hurt you a lot with all of my talk about taking a break.”
His words sting a little. I can’t lie, but he’s right. I’m not one to forgive easily. If I weren’t in the wrong, if I hadn’t just accidentally married our roommate, I’m not so sure we’d be doing this right now.
“I still don’t really understand what happened,” I say. “Back then.”
“To tell you the truth,” Hudson says after a moment of silence, “I’m not so sure either. I think it was all that stress I was under. I just sort of cracked up.”
“I see.” I nod. That’s not much of an explanation, but we’ve been over this a million times. A million explanations later, I am still not completely clear about what really happened.
“So, how’s work going?” I ask. “Still as crazy as ever?”
“Yes,” Hudson says. “More so, even, I think, but I have a little bit of a routine now. So,
