Then I envied Martin his ability to drown his bullshit with a bottle of bourbon.
“Where’s the honeymoon?” he asked, using my shoulder to hold himself upright.
“Why don’t you slow down on the Pappy’s.” I reached for his glass.
He dodged, holding the glass out of reach. “Can’t.”
“What’s with you?”
He pounded his chest. Once. Twice. Gaze unfocused, he confessed, “Broken heart.”
Martin hadn’t dated anyone since Natalie. Hell, he hadn’t bragged about banging anyone since Natalie had given him the boot. Obviously, her rejection had hurt more than he’d let on.
I could relate and, damn, I couldn’t allow that pain any real estate on my wedding day. “Wanna talk about it?”
“No. No. This is your moment, my friend. Glad you came to your senses and made an honest woman of Vic. You got your girl, man. You always get the girl, don’t you?”
Jesus. Fuck. His breath reeked of stale alcohol, the dark skin under his eyes boasting a three-day bender.
“Yeah. Yeah, sure.” I gestured to Ellis, who stood by the bar. He came our way. “Martin needs a coffee.”
No explanation necessary. With one beefy arm, Ellis guided our inebriated friend toward the back deck.
Lacey, looking lovelier and rounder by the day, hooked my elbow and stole me to the dance floor.
Dad winked and twirled Victoria while Ed Sheeran sang about dancing barefoot in the grass.
“You did the right thing, you know.” Lacey stared up at me, eyes hard and motherly.
I moved her into the crowd with measured steps. “What do you mean?”
She waited until we were clear of earshot. “Natalie told me. Everything. I can’t believe she kept her feelings for you a secret for all those months.”
I swallowed, unsure how to proceed, unable to meet her piercing, probing glare. I searched for my wife and found her beaming and laughing at something my father must’ve said. She was undeniably beautiful. But even though she was legally mine, I couldn’t shake the feeling I didn’t fully belong to her.
Lacey followed my stare. “If you had chosen Natalie, the two of you never would’ve lasted. Not with the past she shares with Victoria.”
I met her exotic eyes, and there wasn’t a hint of malice or bitterness toward Victoria despite their history. Lacey was a pure soul, a light that warmed even the coldest hearts.
I knew our conversation would stay between the two of us, and my confession spilled. “I know I made the right decision.” Not that Natalie had given me a choice. “I can’t fathom raising a child in a broken home. I’m not built that way. But there’s this heavy weight in my gut that won’t go away, like everything is unsteady. Like the rug is gonna be pulled out from under me any moment.”
“That’s guilt. Nothing more. It’ll fade. Especially when you hold your child for the first time. You’ll know then, without a doubt, that you did the right thing.”
“I need to talk to her. I left so much unsaid.”
“Not a good idea.” Lacey picked at a fuzz on my shoulder. “Clean breaks are best. You talk to Natalie, that’ll only stir up feelings that don’t belong in your marriage.”
The truth was a bitter pill. “I know. You’re right.”
“Besides, she’s gone,” she whispered, her voice breaking.
I swore something broke in my chest, too. “Gone?”
“Took a job out of state.”
“Where?” The question came out desperate, betraying my undue concern.
“I promised not to tell a soul.” Eyes closed, she shook her head. “Not even Ellis.”
“Because of me?”
“Because leaving was the right thing for her to do. Just like you marrying Victoria was the right thing to do.”
Lacey’s round belly bumped against mine, and I looked down between us, my heart swelling. Soon Victoria would be round and swollen and, dear God, I couldn’t wait to feel my child move inside my wife.
Natalie had been mine for a short time, and for that blessing, I’d be forever grateful.
Choosing Vic, I’d done right by my child. I vowed then and there to be the best fucking husband and father despite the hole in my chest.
I bent to kiss Lacey’s cheek. “You’re right, Lacey. You’re right. Thank you.”
Dad and Victoria came our way again. He took Lacey’s hand, and I swept my bride into my arms. I’d never seen her so damn happy.
“How are you feeling?” I asked, bending to taste her mouth.
Morning sickness had stifled the “making up” part of our making up. We’d come close a couple of times, but then she’d make a mad dash to the bathroom, and the romance had fizzled.
She turned her head and laughed. “Don’t smudge my lipstick.”
I kissed her anyway. She let me. A chaste exchange.
“I can’t wait to get you alone,” I whispered in her ear.
She lifted her chin, bringing our mouths a breath apart. “Do you forgive me, Cole?”
“For what?”
“For walking out on you.” She lifted a delicate finger to wipe the color from my lip. “For the person I was back then. The things I did to Natalie.”
Truth be told, I’d been disgusted when she’d admitted the depth and depravity of her past obsession with Natalie. The bullying. Especially the bullying. A gnawing ache settled in my gut. Like Natalie, I’d been on the shit end of that scenario. Coming to terms with Vic’s transgressions would pose a challenge. And still, when I looked at my wife, I couldn’t see that girl full of hate, hurt, and evil intent. I only saw the woman with the big heart who loved her family, fiercely protected her friendships, and gave her free time to children’s charities.
Before I could answer her question, she looked around the room, then asked, “Where’s Martin? He was sloshed. Should we keep an eye on him? I don’t want him to ruin our night.”
“I think he’s pouting over Natalie. He hasn’t been the same since they broke up.” Natalie’s name tasted too damn sweet, but I tamped that shit down deep, hardening those feelings to lifeless, colorless clay.
