Cheeks crimson, her eyes liquified. I hated her in that moment. Hated that I wanted her, wanted her tears, wanted her sympathy. Hated that I needed to break her so I could feel better.
“I’m such a fucking fool.”
With a trembling hand, Natalie reached behind and gripped the door handle, seeking escape.
I couldn’t let her off that easy.
“Victoria wouldn’t fuck me. Even on our wedding day, she wouldn’t fuck me. At first I thought she knew I’d been with you and was punishing me.”
Natalie stood speechless, half turned away from me.
“You know what’s most fucked up about this whole scenario? She started fucking Martin only after you came into our lives. I found her journal. She kept a goddam record of her infidelity.” I moved closer, towering over her trembling form, hating myself but unable to stop the purge. “You had Martin. She wanted him to spite you. So really, this is your fucking fault, isn’t it?”
“Cole, stop,” came from her trembling lips.
“I was perfectly, cluelessly happy. Until you.”
“That’s enough.”
“No. Not enough. It’ll never be enough. I don’t have my wife. I don’t have a child.” I sucked in a jagged breath, whispered in her ear, “I don’t have you.”
Natalie broke, choking on a sob. She shoved me away, curled into her SUV, and locked herself up tight.
Hands pressed to the window, I watched her cry and fed off her pain.
When she drove away, I stared at the empty space, the black asphalt dark and dirty as the tar in my heart. I hated Martin. Hated Victoria. But most of all, I hated myself.
Cole
I got the call at 1:36 AM. The baby was on his way two weeks early.
I arrived in time to catch Ellis when he turned green and made like a falling tree.
Lacey was a champ. They shooed me out of the birthing suite when it came time to push.
Three hours later, I met Leon Matias Chambers.
I excused myself when Natalie’s parents stormed into the room, giving them privacy to fawn over Lacey and the dark-haired angel.
A haggard Ellis found me in the cafeteria, getting my caffeine fix. He fell into the chair next to me, eyes heavy with fatigue, smile wide and proud.
“He’s perfect.” I shoved my cup of Joe his way. “Just perfect.”
“I can’t believe this is my life.” The exhausted pallor of his skin blended with the dull peach walls. His hair stood straight up on one side. But that grin on his face? Priceless.
“Believe it, buddy. You’ve got a beautiful baby boy. An amazing wife. You deserve this. All of it.”
Ellis stared into the dark liquid, then pinned me with a hard glare. “You deserve the same, Cole.”
I deserved exactly what had transpired. I’d been unfaithful. For that, I lost everything.
I’d refused to discuss Victoria and Martin’s affair with anyone, unable to acknowledge a deception I’d yet to wrap my head around.
“I miss Martin,” Ellis said to his coffee.
“Me, too.” I forced the lie through clenched teeth. Truth was, the hatred had taken root and spread. A rampant plague. But that was my burden to bear. My disease to carry.
I refused to tarnish Ellis’s memories of our best friend.
“I’d like you to be Leon’s godfather. We’re baptizing him in two weeks. But if you’re not feeling up to it, I understand.”
“I’d be honored,” I said, autopilot engaged. “Wouldn’t miss it for the world.”
“Natalie will be his godmother, of course,” he added, clueless to the tempest he’d conjured with the mention of her name.
Natalie. Of course. Fuck. I nodded, unable to look Ellis in the eye, instead focusing my attention on an elderly couple two tables away.
I became hyper aware of the Barry Manilow Muzak playing in the background. The man sitting behind me started to sing along.
Every nerve in my body zinged, itching for a fight, an outlet, a damn receptacle to vomit my inexhaustible anger.
“Mind if I join you boys?” When the deep voice came over my shoulder, the mounting pressure eased. “Thought I’d give the ladies some alone time.”
Ellis pushed to stand, but the man patted his shoulder and offered his hand to me. “Charles King.”
Natalie’s father. Tall. Well built. Silver hair. Blue, wise eyes, framed in well-earned wrinkles. I liked him. I didn’t want to like him.
“Cole Adams.”
His grin faded, but that grip strengthened, a show of support. “Cole. I’m so sorry about your wife.”
“Thank you, sir.” I managed to hold his knowing gaze, despite wanting to bow under the weight of undeserved compassion. The man wouldn’t be friendly if he knew what I’d done to his daughter.
Settled in his chair, he clapped Ellis’s shoulder again. “Congratulations, son. He’s a beautiful boy. Beautiful.”
“Any advice for a new dad?” Ellis asked, beaming.
“Take care of that lady of yours,” he advised, crossing strong arms over a thick chest. “That’s number one. You take care of Lacey, set a good example for your son, the rest will fall into place.”
“That I can do.”
We BS’d about the weather, the Seahawks, the stock market. Ellis couldn’t stand another second away from his new family and practically danced out of the cafeteria, leaving me alone with Charles, a lukewarm coffee, and ice cold agitation poisoning my veins.
I stared at the man whose daughter had spun my world out of orbit.
“Must be rough, being here after losing your wife and child.”
The guy didn’t beat around the bush. Respect.
“Not sure the baby was mine,” I blurted.
Charles didn’t flinch. Like me, like Natalie, he knew the truth about my deceased wife, had witnessed her trail of destruction firsthand.
“She lied to everyone.” Like he’d pierced my bubble with a pin, the words burst out on a rush of air, the truth leaking. “She didn’t want me at all, you see? She wanted my money and my best friend.” God damn, what a relief to say those words out loud, to unburden the weight I’d carried.
“Doesn’t make it any easier. You loved her. I suspect you loved that unborn child, too. The loss is real.”
I slumped, no
