This is when reality hits me for the first time. Is Star expecting to have a room to herself? I can’t see me being able to be under the same roof as her and not have her resting in my arms. Even the need to have Ella in the same room is overwhelming. I don’t want either one of them separated from me.
“What’s wrong?” Star asks me. She must’ve been able to see the fear and worry as it overcame me.
“I need you, both of you, in my room. I can’t be separated from either of you,” I explain my issue to her.
“I figured the three of us would be sharing your room until we found me my own place, Shamus. You need to calm down, you’re gonna have a damn heart attack if you keep on like this,” she worriedly states.
“You won’t be getting your own place,” I grumble out.
She simply rolls her eyes and pats my chest with her free hand. “Calm down, Shamus. We need to take this one day, one step at a time. You may not want a toddler and woman cramping your style. Give it a few days, hell, a week, and let me know if you still feel the same way.”
“Did I not tell you that you were mine, Star?”
“That was in the passion of a moment, Shamus. We should use your room and time as a trial run. We may not do well living in the same space. If you still feel the need to go all caveman on me, we’ll look into moving in with one another. But Shamus, I haven’t had a place to call my own… ever, so there’ll be some compromises you’ll have to be willing to make. I have a dream and I intend to follow through with it.”
“Whatever you want, Star. If you want pink frizzy throw pillows, I’ll learn to deal with it. As long as you’re living there with me, I’ll give you your heart's desire. But we will not ever sleep a night without one another.”
“What is it about me that screams diva or princess to you? Pink throw pillows? Seriously, Shamus. All that tells me is that there’s a lot you have to learn about me.” The snort that leaves her nose with this declared opinion is cute as fuck.
“It’s a good thing we have a lifetime to do so then, Star.”
Stella hesitantly walks up to us, she now has a sleeping baby nestled in the pit of her arms. “Star, I want to introduce you to your nephew, Jaggar.”
Star turns to me with a longing look. She plants her eyes on Ella then back up at me. “Do you mind holding her, Shamus? I’m dying to hold Jaggar.”
“Not at all. I’ve actually been looking forward to holding our daughter for the first time. It’s a good thing she’s asleep so she doesn't get scared of a complete stranger ogling her and admiring the beauty of all that she represents.”
“What does she represent to you, Shamus?” I know that I need to say the right words. But I’ve never been the type of man that can speak in poems and riddles about how I’m feeling. All I can do is shoot straight with her and hope that she can accept the man I am, never expecting rainbows to shoot out of my ass or my tongue to speak eloquent words.
“Family,” I huskily answer with emotions clogging my throat.
Chapter Ten
Star
“Family,” I choke out the word he just used back at him. “Shamus, you have no idea what hearing that from you means to me.”
“I think I have an idea,” he expresses as his eyes hood, filled with emotions I’m not sure he’s ever experienced before.
Tears well in my eyes, but I refuse to let them fall. I lift Ella up and easily transfer her into Shamus’ outstretched, waiting arms. As soon as her body hits his and her head flops onto his shoulder, a smile unlike any I’ve witnessed from him as of yet, forms on his manly face.
Not sure how long I can keep my emotions inside without them spilling out for the world to see, I quickly turn from him and face my sister. She has a sheen of tears showing in the depth of her eyes as she hands over her son. As soon as he’s transferred into my arms, his eyes pop open and he looks up at me with all the trust in the world.
“Hi, Jaggar, I’m your auntie,” I introduce myself, which earns me a wide gummy smile in return. “He’s so beautiful.”
“He’s not beautiful, Star, he’s handsome,” Kruger states with a benevolent look shot in my direction as he looks at his son with admiration. “Looks just like his momma.” With all of these feelings swamping me, I feel as if I could melt into a puddle of goo right here and right now.
“My man has a golden tongue, doesn’t he?” Stella asks as she leans into her man.
“It appears to be a trait amongst the men here I’m noticing.” I shyly smile up at Shamus as I say this.
“It’s a requirement when it comes to men with honor,” Gunner says as he comes over and joins us in our small private huddle. Jessia is sitting back, taking in the surroundings but I can see a look of awe on her face with every action and word from these men. I visibly see tension leaving her being with each and every moment we’re here. I know she’s going to still be wary for a long time, but I’m happy to see that she’s willing to give this a chance. With these men, women and this club. This may not be a family in the traditional sense of the word, but they are a family. I’ve never felt so accepted and wanted in my entire life, outside of Stella that is.
My body feels weak, it’s as if
