When Ria didn’t answer, he glanced up, surprised by what he saw on her face.
She was frozen, her head cocked, like she just had an idea.
“What is it, sweetheart?” He reached over to brush some hair back from her face. He knew he was supposed to be backing off, but he simply couldn’t keep himself from touching her.
“Maybe...”
“Maybe what?” His heartbeat had accelerated at the look on her face. Not with excitement but with anxiety. He somehow knew what he was about to hear wasn’t going to make him happy.
“Maybe you shouldn’t.”
“I shouldn’t go to Alaska?”
“No, you should. I’m just wondering...” She shifted uncomfortably. She wasn’t meeting his gaze anymore. “Maybe you shouldn’t back out on your skipper. Maybe you should go ahead and do the fishing run.”
Jacob couldn’t move. His vision blurred. His heart sunk. He opened his mouth, but no sound came out.
“Just hear me out,” Ria said in a rush. “Please don’t look like I just... Listen.”
He gave a jerky nod. He still couldn’t speak, but he wanted her to know he was listening.
“I’m not dumping you. I’m not kicking you out. I’m not doing what your grandfather did to you. I promise.”
Jacob was able to breathe at that since there was no way not to believe the panicked concern on her face.
“I’m just wondering... If you did the fishing trip, that would give us some time to... to... process everything. Take a breath away from each other and really know if this is what we want. Maybe you’ll get up there and remember what you liked about your old life. The emotional strain of here would be dissipated, so you could think it through more objectively. If you finish the trip and you still want to come back here, then you can. Then we can... we can know it’s real and it’s going to last.”
She was trying desperately not to hurt him. He could hear the anguished attempt in her tone. But it hurt anyway because he realized what was driving this whole thing.
She didn’t believe him.
She didn’t trust that what he was feeling was real.
She really believed there was a good chance he would change his mind and stay up in Alaska.
That he’d let her slip through his fingers again.
And what made it hurt even more was that he’d done it to himself by the decisions he’d made in the past.
Because this was true, because her fear was entirely justified, he couldn’t be angry at what felt like a rejection.
It felt like a wound—sudden, painful, opening up the parts of him that should never be exposed to the world—but he couldn’t be angry about it.
He nodded, staring down at his hands clenched on his thighs.
“Jacob, please don’t look like that. I promise I’m not doing what your grandfather did to you.”
He inhaled and then let the breath out very slowly. “Okay.”
“Okay, you believe me?”
“Okay, I’ll go back to Alaska. I’ll do the fishing run. It will be a few weeks. Maybe a month. It all depends on how quickly the catch comes in. Then I’ll come back and we can see if you... if you want me.”
She made a sobbing sound and wrapped her arms around him. “Jacob. Jacob, that’s not what this is about. I just need to be sure that I’m really what you want. That Azalea and this kind of... quiet life is what you want.”
Never for a moment would Jacob consider asking Ria to move. Her life was here. Her friends and sister were here. Her business was here. Everything she cared about in the world was here. If they were in a relationship, she might be willing to sacrifice all that for him, but he would never dream of asking her to do it.
The truth was that there was nothing in Alaska or anywhere else that he wanted more than he wanted what was here in Azalea. But Ria didn’t know that. She couldn’t believe it.
And Jacob loved her enough to do what it took to prove this truth to her.
“Okay,” he said at last. His voice was hoarse, too thick, but at least the words were clear and even. “I understand. I’ll do it. We’ll give ourselves a month or so to get some distance and be sure that what we want is each other.”
She nodded, tears streaming down her face. “I think it’s a good idea.”
Rationally, he could see that it was indeed a good idea, but the rational part of his mind was drowned out by the howling outrage of his heart. Being away from Ria for that long could never be good.
What he said was, “Then that’s what we’ll do. I’ll get Fitz to help with the work on the house and hopefully have enough of it done to head back to Alaska after the weekend.”
She reached up to caress his cheek with her fingertips. “Thank you, Jacob.”
“You don’t have to thank me. I’ll do anything in the world to make you feel safe and secure. To make you happy. If this is what it takes, then it’s the least I can do.”
ON MONDAY MORNING, Ria was trying not to cry when Jacob stopped by the flower shop on his way out of town. He needed to drive to Norfolk, and then his flight would take off around lunchtime.
He’d been okay for the past few days. Subdued and busy and tired, but he hadn’t pulled back on her. He hadn’t run away.
She knew he didn’t want to do this. That he was doing it only for her. But it was the only thing she’d been able to come up with that made her feel safe, so she knew it was the right decision.
She didn’t want Jacob trapped in a life he didn’t really want just because he was
