Ava stood up, padded over to her in her bare feet.
‘I’ll come with you,’ she said. ‘Drive us to the ferry. It’s five or six hours, right?’
‘Honey, you’ve got to get to New York tomorrow,’ Susannah said, putting a hand on her arm. ‘Your job.’
‘I can defer.’
They both knew that if Ava didn’t turn up in two days’ time, the job was lost.
‘I love that you want to protect me,’ Susannah said. ‘But honest, it will be okay. I will be there and gone before Matthew even sets eyes on me. He’s gone for hours every day, out fishing.’
The wind started to pick up as the bus left Portland. She could feel it buffeting the sides of the vehicle as they trundled down the road. She tried to sleep, but it was impossible. Despite her reassurances to Ava, she was dreading going back to the island. What if Kate had already changed her mind since she sent the letter? What should Susannah do then? Leave immediately on her own, or try to persuade Kate to come with her?
In Rockland, Susannah made it in time for last drinks in The Trade Winds Inn. She ordered a whisky straight, while waiting to see if they had a room for the night. The lights flickered in the near-empty bar as the receptionist came over to her with a room key. Susannah downed her whisky in one and then dragged her tired limbs to bed.
She lay down on the big bed, and closed her eyes. She was exhausted from all the days of packing up their flat and the long bus journey to Rockland, and yet it was impossible to sleep. The wind was rising, as was Susannah’s tension. She could hear the inn’s sign swaying back and forth, and the trees’ branches scratching against her window pane. She recognised the tone in the wind. A nor’easter was coming down from Canada. Rare at this time of year, but all the same wild and dangerous. She sat up in bed. If the wind didn’t drop soon, the ferry would be cancelled tomorrow morning. How would she get over to rescue Kate?
35
Emer
30th October 2011
Emer lay down on her bed at last. She felt queasy from the morning-after pill, but also relieved she had got it in time. She was annoyed at Henry. She had sent him a text to tell him she had to go to the medical centre and why, but he hadn’t offered to come with her. Not that she wanted him to, but the point was it was also his fault she was getting the morning-after pill, and he should offer to be there. Instead, he’d sent her a barrage of loving texts.
I feel so lucky we met.
Can’t wait to see you again tomorrow, baby.
Never felt this way about anyone before ❤️❤️❤️
He was completely over the top. She didn’t answer any of them, not wanting to encourage him. How stupid she’d been. The poor guy had completely misunderstood what had happened between them. Tomorrow, she’d tell him she was happy to remain friends, but wasn’t ready for anything else. It would be cruel not to put him straight. She scrolled through her phone. Still no messages from Lars. She felt awful now she’d slept with Henry. Even though she and Lars were no longer together, it felt like a betrayal.
‘I’m a mess,’ she said to her dead sister. ‘It’s all your fault!’
Anger, pure and unjustified, swept through her whole being. How dare Orla die on her? Leave her all alone? She was fucking everything up without her. If only she could talk to her, Orla would tell her what to do.
She picked up her phone and called Ethan. The closest she could be to her dead sister was Orla’s husband. They’d always got on.
‘Hey, Emer, how’s it going?’ Ethan said. ‘It’s good to hear your voice.’
Ethan sounded better than when she’d said goodbye to him in Boston. They talked for over an hour, memory after memory of Orla. They cried together, but they were able to laugh too.
‘Remember her vegan brownies? She wouldn’t even tell me the secret to her recipe!’
‘Which of you went vegan first?’ Ethan asked. ‘She always said you copied her!’
‘Ah no, it was a pact,’ Emer said. ‘I never really liked meat, but then Orla suggested we do it together when she was fourteen, and I was fifteen. I was into animal rights, and she just wanted to lose weight!’
Ethan sighed. ‘I don’t think I’ll ever stop missing her, Em.’
‘I know,’ she said.
‘It’s not fair.’
‘I know.’
They were silent for a minute. Remembering Orla’s last days.
‘I want to ask you something,’ Ethan said, eventually. ‘I’ve some of Orla’s ashes. I’m going out to Cape Cod this weekend. Hiring a boat and scattering some in the sea.’
‘She’d like that,’ Emer said, trying not to think of her spillage in the house in Quincy.
‘Do you want to come? It would mean a lot to me.’
‘Oh, I don’t know, Ethan, I’m looking after this old lady. She’s really sick.’
‘Just see how it goes,’ he said. ‘Call me, and I’ll collect you from wherever.’
‘Thanks,’ she whispered, knowing she wouldn’t.
‘I know I asked you before, but please can I give you some of the ashes too? Would you bring them to Ireland? I know she wanted to have some scattered in the woods where she grew up.’
‘Oh.’ Emer’s voice caught in her throat. ‘I don’t know when I’ll be back home.’
‘Think about it. No pressure. I’ll keep some safe for you,’ Ethan said. ‘I think it would mean a lot to your father too.’
After Ethan got off the phone, Emer couldn’t help thinking how very strange and surreal it was to be talking to her brother-in-law about her sister’s ashes. Different parts of what used to be Orla, being scattered in different parts of the world. In her heart, she knew her sister would want her to take her ashes back to Mammy. But she
