After Lynsey’s visit, and Emer’s night away, Susannah had appeared so much more vulnerable to her. Now they had just one of Kate’s letters left to type up, it was as if she’d let herself get weaker. But still she refused the medication.
‘Not until we’re finished,’ she’d insisted.
Emer’s eyes ached from looking at the screen of her laptop. She closed them. Where was Lars now? She pictured his hands. Such beautiful, fine hands, surgeon’s hands. Created to save lives. Steady and nimble. Was he in the hospital? Trying to focus on his work, but his head clouded with memories of her, just as her head was clouded with memories of him? Or could he even be in surgery? His mind utterly focused and clear in concentration, because someone’s life was literally on the line. Was he able to shut Emer away in a box? Lock her up and one day forget about her? When she thought that way, it drove her crazy. She never wanted Lars to forget her, because he would always be in the back of her mind.
36
Susannah
September 1966
Susannah was stuck in Rockland for two nights. On the first morning, when she’d gone down to the ferry terminal in the howling wind, she’d known it was pointless. Sure enough, no ferries were running the whole day. She went straight to send a telegram, which she guessed Ava would get when she arrived at their new Brooklyn apartment the next day.
STORM STOP CANT GET OVER TO ISLAND STOP BE ON OUR WAY SOON STOP LOVE SU
Afterwards, she walked along the main street of Rockland while the rain and wind beat into her. She felt on edge. Only natural, considering she was returning to a place of deep trauma. But she had to get past her own hurt to help her sister. She retreated into a diner, and spent the afternoon drinking cup after cup of black coffee and trying to make notes for her lesson plans for her first semester teaching at Columbia. But her mind wouldn’t settle, as dread seeped through every pore of her body. The hours ticked by slowly, while the wind howled outside.
‘Say, honey, stay in here until the worst of it’s over,’ her waitress, Sandy, said. ‘It’ll start dying down soon.’
At four o’clock, the wind suddenly stopped.
‘We’re in the eye of the storm now,’ Sandy announced.
Susannah felt her heart quicken, a feeling of panic setting in. The uneasy calm was almost worse than the constant battering of the storm. She was desperate to get over to the island. If Kate had finally plucked up the courage to leave Matthew, her situation must be extreme.
As she walked back to the inn for the second night, the wind picked up again. Please blow away, she begged nature, for Katie, please. Her sister, childhood sprite of Vinalhaven, fairy of the forests. If nature would turn for anyone, it would be for her.
Susannah woke early the next morning. Sunshine flooded into her room in the inn. The storm was over. She looked at her watch. Six fifteen. She’d plenty of time to get the first ferry.
Island folk waved to her with surprised looks on their faces as she rushed through town. It was rude not to stop and catch up. She hadn’t been home in five years, and she could see by the curious stares there’d been plenty of gossip about why. But Susannah was beyond caring what the islanders thought of her. Once she left today with her mom and Kate, they were never going to come back.
As soon as she ran into the house, Susannah knew something was very wrong. For a start, the back door was open, and banging, as it hung on its hinges. She called out for Kate, but there was no answer. Where was everyone? It was only eight in the morning. She’d expected to be greeted by her mom and Kate at breakfast, with the girls eating their oatmeal. Then it hit her; of course the storm would have stopped the fishermen from going out this morning. Matthew could still be in the house. She searched all the downstairs rooms, but the door to her sister and Matthew’s room was locked, with no key to open it. She banged on it, called out, but there was no answer.
Susannah ran up the stairs to the second floor, calling out again. She was about to search the rooms, but then she heard a child crying. She climbed the final set of stairs into the eaves of the house, and pushed the door open to her and Kate’s old bedroom. At first the room looked empty, but then she saw her two nieces under the bed, huddled up together. She gave a little cry to see the two girls. She wouldn’t have recognised Lynsey as the baby she’d once minded, but Rebecca was the image of Kate when she was little. Lynsey was holding onto her little sister protectively. She was dry-eyed and pale, but Rebecca was crying, clearly terrified.
Susannah knelt down on the floor.
‘It’s okay, I’m your Aunty Susannah,’ she said to Lynsey, who looked at her with wide eyes. ‘Where’s your mommy?’
‘In the garden,’ Lynsey said, her lips trembling.
‘Where’s Granny?’
‘Don’t know,’ Lynsey said.
‘Okay, honey, I’ll be right back,’ Susannah said. ‘Just stay there. Don’t come out.’
Lynsey nodded, and Susannah could see in her face it wasn’t the first time she’d had to flee with her little sister and hide under the bed. The realisation stabbed her in the heart. She should have come back sooner. Years sooner.
Terror began to take over as she ran down the stairs and out of the back door. She saw her immediately. Her sister in her white nightie, lying face down in the lush green grass.
‘Katie!’ she cried out, tearing over to her.
She knelt down by her sister, and rolled her over. The weight of Kate’s body told her the truth,
