There is a reason I am writing you this letter. And you must promise me when you read it, you will do as I say. One day, I might write to you again and beg you to come help me. Please don’t come. Promise me, you will turn away from my plea. You are quite entitled to. I did not help you, and I deserve to face my trials alone. Never come back to Vinalhaven, Susie, because I fear if you do, our island will destroy you. With all my love, Katie.
43
Emer
1st November 2011
Lynsey arrived on the last ferry of the day, all purple velvet and black lace. Emer sent her straight up to Susannah. They’d spent the whole morning together, as Emer had read all the old letters to Susannah yet again, reading the last one from Kate time and time over at the end. Susannah had held her hand tightly the whole time.
‘Do you know where Ava is now?’ Emer had asked Susannah gently.
She shook her head, her eyes brimming with despair.
‘Shall I try to find her?’ Emer asked, but all Susannah said was:
‘It’s too late.’
When Lynsey came back down from Susannah’s bedroom, she was crying. Emer made her tea, and sat down with her at the kitchen table.
‘Shall we have something stronger?’ Lynsey suggested, blowing her nose. ‘Got any wine?’
Emer opened up a bottle of red and poured two glasses: one for her and one for Lynsey.
‘She really is going,’ Lynsey said, her voice still thick with tears. ‘Can you believe it? She actually said sorry to me.’ She looked at Emer in disbelief. ‘I mean, my aunt has never apologised to me. She is always right. But she actually said, sorry, Lynsey. I asked, for what?’
‘I think she feels bad about what happened to your mom,’ Emer said, careful not to bring Henry into it.
‘It wasn’t her fault,’ Lynsey sighed. ‘I’ve been angry at her for years, but not because of what happened to my mom and dad.’
Emer watched Lynsey as she pulled off her purple wrap. She truly was a beautiful woman, with her dark red hair and deep blue eyes.
‘I spend my life reading people’s tarot, working as a sort of counsellor, and sometimes I feel such a fake. Not because the cards don’t work, because they always do, but because I’m such a mess myself.’
‘Believe me, I’ve worked in the medical profession long enough to know the most unhealthy people can be doctors and nurses.’
‘I’ve been angry all these years because they never talked about what happened. Granny and Aunt Susie,’ Lynsey said, taking a big gulp of wine. ‘It was this great big secret. But you see, I’ve these memories. And they make no sense to me.’
Lynsey looked out of the window.
‘I remember seeing my dad hit my mom once,’ she said in a small voice. ‘I was very frightened and I hid under the kitchen table.’ She sighed, her eyes swimming with tears. ‘I thought he was the bogeyman. I didn’t realise he was my father.’ She spread her hands on the table, her nails painted black with tiny silver crescent moons on them. ‘I remember Susannah’s special friend, Ava, too,’ she said, smiling, wiping the tears away. ‘She let me sit on her lap at the steering wheel of her car. I loved that! Made me feel so grown up.’
‘What happened to her?’
‘She left. Not long after my mother’s funeral, I believe,’ Lynsey said. ‘I always felt that was Rebecca’s and my fault. Aunt Susannah sacrificed her life in New York to look after us. My sister doesn’t look at it like that, but I do.’
‘Do you know where Ava is now?’
Lynsey shook her head.
‘I know she was some big-shot lawyer, because sometimes Aunt Susie would see her name in the paper and point it out to us. Do you remember Aunt Ava? she’d say. Look what important things she’s doing. What was her second name?’ Lynsey mused. ‘Ava Greenman. That’s it!’
The next day, Rebecca arrived. The presence of the favourite niece immediately picked up Susannah’s mood. The house suddenly felt full of positivity.
‘Thanks so much for taking such good care of her,’ Rebecca said, giving Emer a warm hug. She was tall and slender with blonde hair, and indeed looked very like her mother Kate from the picture Emer had seen on Susannah’s desk.
‘You’re welcome to stay,’ Lynsey said. ‘It’s clear our aunt is very fond of you.’
‘But if you want to go, we can take it from here,’ Rebecca said as she put her arm around her sister. The two of them leant into each other.
‘Oh,’ Emer said, taken aback. She hadn’t considered they might ask her to leave.
‘Please don’t think we’re asking you to go,’ Rebecca continued, obviously reading Emer’s thoughts.
‘Yes. You’re very, very welcome,’ added Lynsey.
Emer retreated into Susannah’s study while the two sisters caught up over wine. She guessed her purpose had been served, but she had no idea where she should go now. She looked through Susannah’s bookshelves at all the beautiful old books, and one slim volume caught her eye. It was Emily Dickinson. She pulled it out and the cover fell open. Written on the flyleaf was a dedication to Susannah from Ava. With all my love forever. Was it true that love could last forever? Emer believed that for Orla and Ethan, it could have.
She put the book down carefully, and took a breath. It was clear to her where she needed to go now.
44
Susannah
November 5th, 2011
Her girls were with her now. As they moved around the room, gently adjusting her and helping her in and out of the bathroom, they were their younger selves again. Her two daughters, not by birth, but by default. Her sister’s daughters. Lynsey and Rebecca – the redhead and the blonde.
Susannah had lost track of time. Only knew when it was day or not by whether it was dark or light
