Stacie’s head shot up at that statement. “Then why?”
“Because it’s too soon.” Maria gave her a wild eyed look, begging for understanding. “I meant what I said earlier. There has to be more to this then just scratching an itch we have. That’s my rule, and one I have for a very good reason. It doesn’t mean I’m trying to manipulate you. ”
“I didn’t mean it that way.”
“No, I think you did, and I don’t blame you. You are a lucky woman, Stacie. You have people in your life that love you very much, so much so, all they want is to see you happy. You just need to ask yourself if you’re truly happy now, because if you are, you don’t need me.” Maria walked to the door and opened it partway before turning around. When she spoke next, there was such an infinite sadness in her voice that it made Stacie want to weep. “I never intentionally led you on. I just want you to know that. I kissed you like that because I couldn’t help myself. You aren’t the only one feeling out of control, and you aren’t the only one scared all the way down to your toes about it.”
*
By the time Monday morning arrived, Stacie didn’t have a single minute of free time to fix what she had somehow broken. Monday had been hell, mostly because she had spent a good part of Sunday night staring at the phone. She almost called Maria a half-dozen times to apologize before chickening out. Every time she placed the receiver down, it felt like she was digging another shovelful of self-loathing out of a pit of stupidity. Then it started ringing on its own and she sweated out the first call, thinking it was her. The storm had created havoc everywhere, and she ran from call to call pretty much from daybreak to sundown. By Wednesday, things had calmed down and she actually managed to put in a regular day, and she gratefully headed back home far ahead of the sunset.
Unfortunately, driving didn’t take up all her concentration. The familiar roads let her mind wander, and where it kept wandering back to was Maria. Whatever possessed her to act like that in the first place? She was a grown woman, not some adolescent trying to control raging hormones and an out of control libido. Maybe Maria was right. Maybe it had nothing to do with sex and more to do with being afraid of change. Each time she replayed their argument in her head, it came down to that. Then she would shy away and try not to think about Maria’s parting words. “You aren’t the only one scared all the way down to your toes.”
Josie’s number had popped up on her beeper earlier in the day, so she wasn’t surprised when she opened the screen door and found a note taped to her door. She ripped it down, intending to ignore it, then changed her mind. She couldn’t avoid Josie forever and if she tried, she was sure the woman would march down and drag her up to the main house without a second thought.
She steeled herself against the inevitable grilling and headed for the main house. Who knows? Maybe talking to Josie will help. God knows arguing with myself hasn’t.”
Her wishful thinking was quickly crushed when she noticed a certain yellow Bug sitting in the driveway. She dug out Josie’s note and read it, realizing that it might have been a good idea to have done that earlier. She might have saved herself a trip.
“No way in hell am I going in there to face the both of them,” she muttered, only the slightest bit mollified that Josie’s standard invitation included a quick note that Maria was there. She crumpled the note paper up into a tiny little ball and stuffed it as deep into her pocket as it would go, then took off for her place in long, ground eating strides. She didn’t stop until she was safely back inside her own home, but even there she wasn’t alone. She stupidly opened the refrigerator, more on automatic than anything else, and found the only thing left in there that was edible was the chili Maria had made on Sunday and three Tupperware bowls full of fruit from their abandoned picnic.
“Well, hell,” Stacie growled. She grabbed a trash bag from under the sink and snapped it open, then proceeded to empty out the refrigerator. The full bag went into the trash can outside on her way out the door. It was about time she started cooking for herself, and that meant going to the grocery store.
Chapter Ten
“Maria?” Dawn Middletree, the owner of The Oakes Retreat, called out to her. Maria had been heading for the gardens and the gazebo overlooking the koi pond where she could find a few minutes of peace and quiet. Her reticence to change her plans must have been obvious, because Dawn picked up her pace in order to join her. “Maria, wait, and I’ll walk with you.”
“How are you doing today, Dawn?” Maria greeted her boss with a graceful nod after waiting for her to catch up.
“I’m good. The summer has gone very well,” Dawn said, casually threading her arm through Maria’s. “Your classes have been very popular, and I hope you’ll have an answer for me very soon about whether you changed your mind and will be staying on with us. But, right now I’m more interested in how you are doing.”
Maria reached her favorite bench. She sat down and gestured for Dawn to join her. “I’m doing fine,” Maria said, tasting the lie even as it left her lips.
The koi didn’t care. They jumped and splashed in excitement, wide-open mouths breeching the surface of the water in a shameless display of hunger. Orange and black and white and
