“Are you certain?” Dawn asked. “You seem distracted lately,” she said, bringing Maria’s thoughts back from their watery depths. She still retained a lingering regret that she didn’t have a chance to dive into the deep pond Stacie had taken her to. Always, it is back to the water, even when surrounded by the desert.
“Is it that obvious?”
Dawn shrugged. “Perhaps for some. I’ve come to know you pretty well, and I don’t think I’ve ever seen you so unbalanced. I can feel your distress, even if I couldn’t see it on your face. Does it have something to do with why you won’t tell me if you are staying on or not?”
Dawn was an expert at reading people, an excellent skill in a place full of people used to burying parts of themselves for so long they forget who they are meant to be. It was one of the reasons the retreat was so popular. That, and she had done an excellent job at recruiting equally talented people who complimented the peaceful surroundings and catered to a mostly highbrow crowd seeking enlightenment as a unique vacation experience.
Still, there were those that were genuinely searching for something more in their life, and those were the ones that made it worthwhile. She just knew that if she ever did a retreat of her own, it would be very different. It wouldn’t be something done as a novelty, but something that would bring together like minded women. Women like herself who needed a safe place to explore the universe and just BE. She couldn’t imagine these primped and proper ladies in their polyester suits and perfect makeup beneath the night sky, dancing to the beat of drums or howling at the moon.
Maria threw the last bit of food at the Koi and brushed the residue off her palms before answering. As lovely as the pond was, with its groomed edges and carefully planned ledges for the fish to hide beneath, it was not the same thing as the joy of watching wild trout navigate a mountain stream. “Yes, and no. I was planning on going home after this summer, then I wasn’t, and now? Now, I’m not too sure there’s any reason to contemplate staying.”
“I’m going to say from experience that this sounds like boyfriend trouble?”
“Something like that,” Maria said very carefully. Dawn was as much of a friend as a boss could be, but that didn’t mean she put “Lesbian” down on her resume.
Dawn threw back her head and laughed. “Oh. You. Such a poker face you have. Girlfriend trouble then?”
“I’m not sure if we should be talking about this. I mean, you’re my boss.”
“Oh, honey. If this woman, whoever she is, could keep you from leaving, then it is my business.”
Dawn had a point, but it was also a biased one. The only person she could truly talk to who had her best interests at heart was her grandmother, and she was hundreds of miles away. Dawn was still an outsider though, and that made her the best choice to confide in, mostly because she was the only one she had. She still longed to speak to her grandmother, but this wasn’t something she could explain over the phone. It had to be face to face.
Over the next half-hour, Maria poured her heart out while rationing out more koi food, until both she and her hands were completely empty. “So as you can see, I am not sure what to do. It’s been over a week and she hasn’t talked to me.”
“And you won’t stay here unless it’s a sure thing?” Dawn asked, finishing her sentence for her.
The way she said it made Maria feel like a foolish child, ungrateful and greedy, but she still tried to defend herself. “My family, everyone I know, they are all back in Arizona.”
Dawn raised an eyebrow at her, silently waiting for her to admit what she already knew.
“Okay, okay. I get it now.” There was no such thing as a sure thing.
Dawn grinned and patted her knee. “Good, good. Now, am I going to assume I can pencil you in for the next schedule?”
Maria nodded, then a thought came to her. “As long as I can have a week off in between. Is that okay?” That would be enough time to drive home and back, if needed. If the Bug will make it that far.
“Yes, I think we can manage that,” Dawn said. She stood up to leave, but before she left, she ran her hands along the natural wood railing separating the path from the pond. After years of similar touches, the wood was smooth and had a polished look. “This is my favorite place here. One of the first things we built. A friend of mine bought us the Koi and I spent the first year worried I would kill them until I learned how to take care of them. They were so small. Only this big.” She held out her hands so that her index fingers measured barely the distance between her palms. “Look at them now. After such an unsure start, they’ve grown quite a bit.” Dawn pushed herself away from the railing and gave Maria an understanding smile. “Some people believe that the size
